It's another weekend. What am I going to do with today. I do not know. I might read a book, scroll the internet, or something else completely. It would be nice if I had something to figure out or do. I feel more productive during the weekdays. Maybe I'll figure out something to do today. What I need to do is get into therapy asap. But there are other concerns that bother me. I'm not sure what to do about any of it. I wonder what this therapist will say to me. Will they even read what I've written in their little form? Who knows. They tend to have me repeat what I've already said over and over again. So who knows what this will be all about. I can't wait to see my therapist to be honest. It will be a good thing for sure.
I want to say it first began in High School when I thought I was trying to beat the devil. Now when I say I was "trying to beat the devil", I mean I actually thought I was hearing the devil speak to me at night and that I had to find some way to overcome him. Looking back I should have sought professional help then. I remember telling a friend about this experience, and he looked at me like I was nuts. Talk about craziness right? Yeah something like that. I believe my first mental break was when I was serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints . I wanted to go home so bad. It could have just been homesickness . But...there was something more to it. About halfway through I was just done with it all. I had had enough of rejection and wanted to go home. But I was afraid that I was unable to because I would simply be told no . I know that sounds silly to people. But that's what happened. I didn't b...
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