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Depression Sucks

 I feel trapped in my own body full of emotions and I don't know what to do with any of them. I'm severely depressed. I can tell the symptoms. I don't even want to get out of bed anymore. I feel so lost. It sucks. I really don't know what to do about it. I've gone downhill so fast it feels. I need something to push my engine back uphill. Like the "Little Engine That Could", kind of thing. But I don't even know if that will do anything. I hate feeling this way. Putting on a fake smile for everyone to see. Lying to myself that I'm okay, that I'll be okay. I am not going to be okay. There's a problem with me, and I don't know what to do about it. So that's where I am currently in this stage of life. It sucks. I hate it. I wish I could do something about it.

Life needs to end. Everyone needs a free ride to Heaven. I'm not going to Heaven. I'm not going to Hell either. I think I'll just be in the middle somewhere chilling out the best way I know how. Can't wait for that day to happen. I'll be so mellow and chill. None of these Earthly illnesses can follow me there.

But for now, I have to deal with them. There needs to be a way to get over this depressive state I am in. I just don't know what to do about it. Something, anything. I just need to find something to do about it. I wish I had a plan in place. Something that would prevent me harming myself. Perhaps logic is enough? I sit here listening to things and they don't help any. I wish I could just find a way to get better. What's the point of it all? What's the point of this life. I don't have a clue. I want to have a clue.

Depression affects a lot of people. With Winter coming upon us, it tends to get even worse, the depression that is. I wish I could not have to deal with Winter. The snow is cold it chills me to my bones. Feels like my bones are hurting all the time. There's nothing that I am able to do to make it feel better.

I feel like screaming, but I don't know I have the breath to do so. My brain is screaming loud enough for me to try and deal with it. It's a release of sorts which is greatly needed. I just don't know what to do about any of it. Damn life. Getting in my way. So many things just getting in my way at the moment. I don't know what to do about it.

Such is life. I hate that phrase. But it seems to fit here.

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