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Life Has A Way

Life always has a way of doing whatever it needs to do. There’s nothing wrong with that thought process. It comes and goes without a second thought. We can’t easily figure out why life does this to us, we have to understand something at some point, but if we don’t? Well, no harm no foul. It’s life and we have to continue going forward to see everything that is out there. There’s nothing we can do about it. Life will move foreward without the ability for us to do anything but wonder what this life will eventually be like in the far distant future. Oh what a joy that could bring about. If life has a way, we will be able to get from point a to point b in no time at all. It feels like a circle at times. A = B = C, isn’t that what the crazy future guy in Star Trek: Voyager tried to explain? Yeah, something like that. It’s quite an interesting thought process to be sure. It’s life though, nothing can be done about it. So let life be what it wants to be, there’s nothing wrong with that tho...
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Depression Sucks

 I feel trapped in my own body full of emotions and I don't know what to do with any of them. I'm severely depressed. I can tell the symptoms. I don't even want to get out of bed anymore. I feel so lost. It sucks. I really don't know what to do about it. I've gone downhill so fast it feels. I need something to push my engine back uphill. Like the "Little Engine That Could", kind of thing. But I don't even know if that will do anything. I hate feeling this way. Putting on a fake smile for everyone to see. Lying to myself that I'm okay, that I'll be okay. I am not going to be okay. There's a problem with me, and I don't know what to do about it. So that's where I am currently in this stage of life. It sucks. I hate it. I wish I could do something about it.

Life needs to end. Everyone needs a free ride to Heaven. I'm not going to Heaven. I'm not going to Hell either. I think I'll just be in the middle somewhere chilling out the best way I know how. Can't wait for that day to happen. I'll be so mellow and chill. None of these Earthly illnesses can follow me there.

But for now, I have to deal with them. There needs to be a way to get over this depressive state I am in. I just don't know what to do about it. Something, anything. I just need to find something to do about it. I wish I had a plan in place. Something that would prevent me harming myself. Perhaps logic is enough? I sit here listening to things and they don't help any. I wish I could just find a way to get better. What's the point of it all? What's the point of this life. I don't have a clue. I want to have a clue.

Depression affects a lot of people. With Winter coming upon us, it tends to get even worse, the depression that is. I wish I could not have to deal with Winter. The snow is cold it chills me to my bones. Feels like my bones are hurting all the time. There's nothing that I am able to do to make it feel better.

I feel like screaming, but I don't know I have the breath to do so. My brain is screaming loud enough for me to try and deal with it. It's a release of sorts which is greatly needed. I just don't know what to do about any of it. Damn life. Getting in my way. So many things just getting in my way at the moment. I don't know what to do about it.

Such is life. I hate that phrase. But it seems to fit here.

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