Skip to main content

Life Has A Way

Life always has a way of doing whatever it needs to do. There’s nothing wrong with that thought process. It comes and goes without a second thought. We can’t easily figure out why life does this to us, we have to understand something at some point, but if we don’t? Well, no harm no foul. It’s life and we have to continue going forward to see everything that is out there. There’s nothing we can do about it. Life will move foreward without the ability for us to do anything but wonder what this life will eventually be like in the far distant future. Oh what a joy that could bring about. If life has a way, we will be able to get from point a to point b in no time at all. It feels like a circle at times. A = B = C, isn’t that what the crazy future guy in Star Trek: Voyager tried to explain? Yeah, something like that. It’s quite an interesting thought process to be sure. It’s life though, nothing can be done about it. So let life be what it wants to be, there’s nothing wrong with that tho...

What To Write

 Ever have a moment where you don't know what to write? Yeah, I'm having such a moment. This post might just be absolute nonsense. We shall see though won't we. I'd like to think I have something of substance to contribute to the community. But if I don't? I don't. That's just how it is I suppose. I can't believe how late it is already on a Saturday. I must have slept in longer than I anticipated. Oh well, the sleep was needed and if I need sleep then I need sleep.

I wonder what today will bring for me. I honestly don't know or have a clue. Maybe that's a good thing, It could definitely be considered a good thing. I don't want to be an outcast, I feel like I'm an outcast. It would be nice to be able to figure out whatever there is to figure out. I don't think I worded that correctly, but I hope you get my meaning.

Life can be downright difficult at times. This is one of those times. I don't know where I'm headed. I don't know where I'm going at all. I'm trying to save money to get a place, but where that will be? I haven't a clue. There has to be some kind of silver lining to all of this. I just haven't been able to see it yet. That scares me.

To put it simply I've lost. I've lost the love of my life. She was my everything. But we just couldn't be together anymore. It hurts. I don't think I've fully felt the full emotional effect this has put on me yet. When it does, I don't know how it will feel. I'm scared for that. I'm sure that day is coming, I just don't know when it will arrive. Not yet at least.

Emotions are a hard nut to crack. They come in a variety of flavors and there's no way to tell when or how they will manifest themselves. I wish there was a guidebook on them, but there isn't. We just have to deal with them as they come along and hope and wish for the best. I think that's the worst part of it all. Hoping for something to make sense isn't easy for fun.

This life is just a mess right now. I don't know how else to describe it. I wish I knew what to think about things. I'm grateful to have a friend who would take me in. I'd be lost without them. Hell, I am lost even though I have them. I wish I could just figure out what it is I want to do about everything. Finding a place is number one on my list. That's going to take some time, I'm sure. The problem is I want to figure it all out now now now. But I can't. Money takes time to accumulate.

Oh life, why do you do this to me? I don't understand it. I don't get it. I want you to just be kind to me. Is that too much to ask for? Is that too much to hope for? I just don't get it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Schizoaffective Disorder

I want to say it first began in High School when I thought I was trying to beat the devil. Now when I say I was "trying to beat the devil", I mean I actually thought I was hearing the devil speak to me at night and that I had to find some way to overcome him. Looking back I should have sought professional help then. I remember telling a friend about this experience, and he looked at me like I was nuts. Talk about craziness right? Yeah something like that. I believe my first mental break was when I was serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints . I wanted to go home so bad. It could have just been homesickness . But...there was something more to it. About halfway through I was just done with it all. I had had enough of rejection and wanted to go home. But I was afraid that I was unable to because I would simply be told no . I know that sounds silly to people. But that's what happened. I didn't b...

Didn't Sleep

 What's the point of sleep anymore if I can't sleep? I don't think I slept any good last night. I was awake at 3 am wondering to myself, what on earth am I doing awake? Yeah, that happened. It doesn't make any sense. Fortunately, it's the weekend. So, I can catch up on sleep tonight. I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, so it's a good opportunity to actually sleep for once. Whatever the case, I hope I'll be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. We will see what happens.

ColdFusion

So recently, I decided to include ColdFusion in my Linux setup. I was going to just run Tomcat and install CF that way, but well I decided against that route and installed ColdFusion 9 using the regular methods. It's been running quite smoothly if I do say so myself. I of course don't have the installation instructions anymore. Oops. I suppose I could Google for them again and make a copy or something. But well if my server ever crashes and I have to start all over again, yeah I'll worry aobut it then. FOr now, not so much. So here's my current setup: MySQL PHP Perl ColdFusion 9 Yeah something like that. Not too bad if I do say so myself. Of course what else would I say about it? You know I wouldn't ever say anything bad about my own server setup. Well unless I already have, if that's the case. Oops. Disregard that blog post. So yep, I think I'll have some fun with all of that for sure.