Sleep Is Overrated

 There are times when sleep just becomes overrated. You sleep all day and into the night. There's nothing worth that. Life comes and goes when you least expect it, so why should sleep be any different. You know when it's time to go to bed. You know when it's time to wake up. That's all there is to sleep and motions of sleep that allow you to become efficient in whatever you are able to do.

Sleep without consequence, that is without nightmares, are the best. Dreams can happen yes. But nightmares? Keep me away from that kind of stuff. There's no reason for it to happen. I've had nightmares in the past and they don't do anything good for me. So, I try to avoid them. There's no reason for a nightmare to be there for you to not enjoy. I mean wouldn't it be better if you were just able to sleep without the blasted things going off? Yeah that's what I was thinking.

So that's what this is all about. Sometimes I wish I could just stay awake without any hassle. I don't know how that all works out, but I'm sure insomnia plays a role in it. Insomniacs with a vengeance. Now there's a title for a film or book. Not being able to sleep, they hunt down those who can sleep and slay them.

Okay that might have been a little too gruesome. Yeah, we don't want that happening. I wish I had the ability to figure out what goes on during the dream cycle. I'm sure there's some scientist out there who thinks he knows all and all of that jazz. But I don't, and if I don't, I'm sure there are many other people out there who don't understand it either.

I've heard if you die in your dreams you die in real life. I wonder how accurate that statement is. I've been shot in dreams, but I don't think I've ever actually died. Well scratch that, I know I haven't died. Haha, I'm still here! Oh, maybe I was thinking I didn't die in a dream. Is that where I was going with this? It's quite possible.

The depression doesn't cause much sleep. It also grows the beard. Well in my case that's what it does. Life doesn't make sense to me at times. Let's face it, most of the time it doesn't make sense to me. Living with depression sucks. Sad for no reason at all. A deep longing for something that isn't there. Everything just comes to a standstill when depression enters the building. I don't know how else to describe it. It would be nice to be able to figure things out for once. Something that I might be able to grasp and understand myself. But I doubt that will happen. Nothing ever works out for me. Nothing ever fully gets caught up to the point where everything else goes downhill. It's not my fault mind you, it's just how this life is. At least that's what it feels like.

I wish everything and everyone would just get along. I'm not sure how that is supposed to look on paper or in real life. But it needs to happen soon. There's nothing else I am able to do about it. Something has got to give, and that something is me. Somewhere in my mind I need to be able to figure things out. It doesn't mean I have to fully understand it, but it would be nice.

Some people are out there living the dream. There's nothing else out there for them. They have it all. It's something I don't like to think about, because I'm not where I thought I would be at this point in life. Money and power mean nothing to me. They're just a means to get by in this life. Family is where it's at. If you don't have family, you don't have anything. Family is a must.

I thought I was doing things right this time around. I don't know how that's possible when those things just don't work out in my favor. Whatever works out in my favor though? I've been through two marriages now. They both crashed and burned. Am I the common denominator? Is it me that was causing those marriages to fail? I have to wonder.

I need to be single for a while. Get an understanding of what it is I want out of this life. That's just what this life is all about I suppose. Figuring out whatever it is you need to figure out. It would be nice to be able to figure it all out. I mean I don't have the means to actually figure everything out all at once, I don't think. If life had a way of being figured out, wouldn't everyone find that way a long time ago? That's what I was thinking. Being able to understand that is a different obstacle.

I only hope I can be forgiven because of my mistakes in this life. Not all of them were necessary. Not all of them were bad. But there were a few out there that just seemed to straddle the line for a moment or two.

I feel like I am doomed to repeat history because I haven't learned from it. I don't quite understand what's going on with life most days. I feel as though I am here along for the ride. That's it. There's nothing more to see. I am just here waiting for something to come along. Something miraculous to take over and make everything peaceful. I don't think that's in the cards of life though. At least not for me. Peace was never part of my plan. I wish it were, but it doesn't feel like it's coming along nicely.

So, what am I supposed to do about it? It doesn't make any sense to me. Nothing makes sense to me and that's the sad part. Where does it make sense? Please point it out to me. Maybe I'm just missing something, and I don't know how best to do it. That's quite possible with my thoughts and feelings these days. I wish I had the ability to figure something like that out, but it feels like I don't.

So, I seclude myself away from everyone else. It doesn't matter how long I do this. Isolation feels like a gift to me at times. I know it's not the best way to handle anything, but that's what it feels like to me. Maybe it's not worth it. But it's what I need at this given point in life.

I took a couple hour nap today. That felt good to me. I wish I could have slept a wee bit longer, but my brain and body woke me up. Brain became active because body was telling it, hey I hurt! I still haven't taken anything for it. Talk about a waste of space I've become.

I'm sure I'll get over whatever it is that ails me. There can't be much out there which bothers me the most, can there? I don't know. Lift is just here, and I am along for the ride it would seem. I suppose that's all I have to say on that subject. Or those subjects. Either way you look at it. There they are.