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Blast From The Past: January 7, 2020

Tue Jan 7 19:39:37 MST 2020 Let’s talk about today than shall we? I’d like to think it would be a nice moment in time if we could simply get along with everything that happens in this life, yet I doubt it will. It’s a shame if you think about it. A real shame. But what are you going to do with any of it? No one knows exactly. So here we sit waiting for something better to come along, hoping for something to happen and allowing us to actually see what is real and what isn’t.
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Dizzy

 Ever have a dizzy spell? I've been having them lately. I don't know what it's from. I don't have a clue where it's headed. I hate it. I don't feel like me anymore. I feel like someone else. I'm not sure I understand it. I wish I did, but well I don't. So I just have to keep my head low and try and survive or something along that line. If I don't? Then I'll end up crazy. At least that's what I fear, I'll end up crazy and no one will want me around. If that makes any sense. I'm sure it does to someone out there, but to me it makes no sense at all.

Life has this way of messing with you. You don't know what's going on when it does mess with you, so you don't want to mess with it back. It's an odd position to be in. I don't quite understand it myself. There are so many things I don't quite understand and I'm just sitting here wondering what else can go wrong with life.

I started watching Charmed again. It's such a great show. Who knew witches could be nice and not have warts. At least these witches don't. So that's a good thing.

I wish I had an idea or a clue of what to do with life. It feels like it's all crashing down around me, and I don't know what to do about it. There needs to be something I am able to do that will cause life to become easier. But do I want easier? I do like a challenge at times. Well life is giving me a challenge and it's kicking my ass. At least that's what it feels like at times.

Silly things like that occupy my thoughts. Am I going to die today? Tomorrow? When will that great day happen and how will it occur. Yes, I even think about my own death. Sometimes I wonder if I think about death a little too much. Almost wishing it would happen already and see what happens. But I don't think there's a way to just stop thinking about something. It would be nice if it would just cease to be a thing. I don't think that will happen anytime soon though.

This life can be amusing at times. More amusing than usual I suppose. It would be nice to be able to understand everything that is going on in my life. To be able to comprehend it all at once. Looking back and forward as I please. Almost like having a crystal ball I suppose. But those aren't real, and they don't work if they do exist. No one can tell you your future. There's nothing that can happen that way.

Maybe this life just gets in the way at times. Is that possible? I don't even know what's possible anymore. Sometimes I wonder what's real. If life isn't real, then what is it? Is it a Matrix type setting? Is it some dude just chilling willing everything to come about for each of us? What is this life. I wish I knew.

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