Anxiety Is A Bitch

 I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder, among other things. It's a bitch. Being in crowded places, small rooms, whatever it is you name it I feel it. Airplanes are the worst. Well not the airplanes themselves, but the airports. So many people headed this way and that way to their destinations. It can be so overwhelming at times. I absolutely hate it. There aren't a lot of people who understand this chaos I'm in. They try and suggest, oh why don't you try xyz. Yeah, tried it, it doesn't work. Or what about this? No, that's not how any of this works. If they could only understand what it is I go through every day of my life. I'm sure there are things they go through that they wish other people would understand as well.

I have other symptoms that get in my way. Paranoia is one of them. Being paranoid at something that isn't real is really a humdinger. I hate it. It's the worst possible thing to go through. Well aside from hearing voices. They all just come and go without a moment's notice or warning. Never know when they'll creep up and scare me alive. It would be nice to be able to get rid of these things for what they're worth. But I don't have a clue how any of it will be that way. It's just something I don't know how to deal with. Therapy has helped a little bit, but I need a lot more of it in order to be able to figure it out.

Then there's the depression. Major depression disorder, I think they called it. Oh, with psychosis attached. I don't really know what to do with these two together. I suppose I just have to deal with them. There's no reason to feel this way, I know that to be true. But here I am feeling this way. I wish I could understand what was going on half of the time, but I don't so I accept it.

Maybe I should have titled this, Mental Illness is a Bitch. Yeah, that might have been a much better term for it. But who knows what's going on anymore. The title is set, that's okay.