DreamSense

Been trying my hand lately in programming in Perl. Doing some database things with it. It’s quite an interesting language. I’m rather enjoying it, if I’m being honest. Coming from a Java background, I find it exciting to learn new things and take them as they come to me. It’s fun for sure!

Meh Life Jun 15, 2019 Another day passes. Just another day comes to light. Is that enough to figure out? I’m not sure. Such a thought process consumes my mind at times. It comes and goes long out into the night, and here we all are. There’s nothing wrong with wondering and guessing about anything and everything which comes along in this life. Here we are simply waiting for something better to happen and occur. Life comes and goes, there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

I don’t want to think Jun 13, 2019 There are days where I simply don’t want to think. I don’t want to have to think about anything. Is that wrong? I’m not sure. Is that okay? Nope, still not sure. It would be nice to be able to figure out everything that occurs in this life and yet here we all are, hoping something will happen. yet we simply don’t know or fully understand what will happen or when that will occur. So that’s life right now. Just deal with it I suppose.

I loved this episode! It truly put forth what would eventually become Clark and Lex’s real friendship. Their battling each other, Lex using Kryptonite against Clark was genius, and when he said the following line? You were right about me all along, Mr. Kent. I am the villain of the story, WOW! Talk about an amazing delivery. We finally got a taste of what they would be in the future. Pure enemies. But that line was the best part of the episode.

Ever wonder why life is like this? I mean the way it is? Yeah I wonder about that a lot really. Life doesn’t feel fair most of the time. There are days were it feels unbearable. But I keep chugging along. (Is that even the right phrase for it? I don’t have a clue.) Yeah, life can be downright mean sometimes. I get that, I’m not sure how this life was ever meant to be sane for anyone. Here we are trying to do our best, and we don’t know what our best is at times because this life won’t shut up long enough to allow us to think. It’s so loud, so noisy. Talk about a roller coaster ride we didn’t ask to be put on. Yet we’re here! Doing what we’ve always done, because that’s what we were told to do. It’s something like that. I’m not sure exactly what though. It’s an odd duck this life. I guess I’ll just keep going forward until I can’t anymore and I get stuck along with the rest of the other people.

Living Life Jun 12, 2019 Just trying to live life. What more is there to consider or think about? Life is what it is, life. There’s nothing to realize beyond it. Don’t think about it, don’t worry about it. Just live a life and see where it takes you. Isn’t that all which matters most? Yeah, something like that.

I’m kind of depressed today. I’m not sure where it’s coming from if I’m being completely honest with you. But it’s depression for sure. There doesn’t seem like there’s a way to overcome it. I’m not sure what to do about it. I don’t want to go to a mental facility. They’ll keep me for over a week. I think I’ve been depressed ever since I’ve moved back here. It’s a nice place to live, don’t get me wrong. But I just feel depressed here. There’s nothing I can do about it. I have to keep my head up and try and fit in, make things better wherever possible. Not sure exactly how to do that though. Life manages to get in the way at times. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life a lot of the time. Life just has a funny way of fucking with you. There doesn’t appear to be a way to overcome it. I wish there was someway I could make life do whatever I want it to do and have it stick. Yeah that’ll be the day. Whatever that happens, if it happens. I highly doubt it will though. Life isn’t meant to ...

Sometimes You’re Just Wrong Jun 11, 2019 That’s right, sometimes you are just plain wrong. It happens and that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with being wrong…say that three times fast! Yeah, nothing wrong about it at all. So here we all are, trying to do something for the good of the community etc. and that’s all which really matters.

So, here’s my latest .vimrc file. So far I like it. The statusline is very helpful in letting me know certain things about the file. Like what kid of file it is, character position, where I’m at in the file, and the word count, it’s useful: " Set the maximum width of text to 80 characters set textwidth=80 " Optional: visual indicator for the 80th column set colorcolumn=80 set number " formatoptions settings: " t: Auto-wrap text using textwidth " c: Auto-wrap comments using textwidth " q: Allow formatting of comments with "gq" set formatoptions+=tcq set expandtab " Use spaces instead of tabs set tabstop=4 " Number of spaces that a tab counts for set shiftwidth=4 " Number of spaces to use for each step of (auto)indent set softtabstop=4 " Number of spaces that a tab counts for while performing editing operations syntax enable " Always show the status line set laststatus=2 " Define the format (File pa...

There are times where this life changes us. We don't always know or understand why that happens. Perhaps this life is meant to be better than it currently is? If that's the case, then I need to be able to figure that out. Nothing really makes sense anymore. I get that. But if I'm meant to be something better than I currently am, I best find out how to make that happen.

What Even Is This Jun 10, 2019 There are times when life doesn’t quite make any sense. There are other times when life really doesn’t make any sense. Here we are inbetween those times and life really doesn’t make any sense. I suppose that will just have to do for now.

Let’s think about life for a moment. It’s something quite amusing and interesting at times. There are so many things in this life that we don’t fully grasp. It’s not that we don’t understand it, but more the fact that we can’t comprehend what’s going on with it all. That’s what life is. It’s a matter of time that makes us wonder about why we are here. I suppose if we understood everything there was to know about life, we wouldn’t have these problems we currently have. Life would be reasonable and understandable. It would be quite interesting to say the least. But we don’t have that ability now do we? No, I thought not. Life will always be a mystery to me. There isn’t anything I can do about it to make things better. It won’t always be miserable, but for the time being it can be the worst thing in the world, and I do mean the worst thing to come. It’s a simple fact that life doesn’t make much sense these days. I don’t get it, let me assure you. That’s what’s wrong with life most day...

So … I had a therapy session. Messaging therapy. Yeah it’s not for me. I need to be able to speak with someone face to face, or audio or something. Just chatting over a messaging service is not what I had in mind when it comes to therapy options. Eh, it’s whatever. I’ll deal without the bullshit that is what was offered as a “free” plan. I’ll get over it. I’ll just find something else that will work for me, that actually works out well and will meet my needs better. I don’t blame the company or the person I spoke with briefly, but it’s just not for me it would seem. That’s okay though. I gave it a shot. Figured that’s the least I could do considering my mental health and everything that goes on. They just weren’t equiped with the kind of service I need I think. Maybe I don’t need therapy. Perhaps I can do without and I’ll be just fine. Yeah that’s a good idea. I can deal with life without the though process of a therapist seeking to help me. There’s nothing wrong with that. In a way...

Fri May 22 09:09:34 AM MDT 2026 Psychosis Is Real Hearing things, seeing things, they’re all real to me. I don’t understand why they happen. But they tend to happen at the worst times in life. I’ve had my fair share of things I’ve both seen and heard in my lifetime. There doesn’t appear to be a rhyme or reason for them to occur. They just do. It’s a funny thing to think about, the things the voices say. Let’s face it, sometimes they’re down right mean to me. They want me to kill myself. I don’t have a say in what they tell me though. They are annoying at best. There are currently three voices that bother me. One is aggressive, one is kind, and the other one eggs the other two on at times. They can all get annoying when they talk all at once. I don’t know how to stop them though. I wish there was a way to make them stop. Why do I hear voices? Why do they want me dead so much? I don’t know the answer to this. No therapist, psychologist, or doctor has been able to tell me why this i...

We all know the story of Pandora’s Box. Pandora was given a box that she was told not to open, or it would bring about destruction on the world. She held onto the box and couldn’t help but open it. Sure enough once opened the box could not be closed. They say that’s when pain and suffering entered the world. What could she do about it? It was too late, the box had been opened. She couldn’t go back and say “oops” and close the thing, it was too far gone for that to happen. Makes me wonder at times what kinds of boxes I have that I’ve yet to open. Will they bring about good fortune? Will they bring about bad things? Will I be able to close them once I open them? There is no way to tell what will happen if/when this curse will come upon me. Life is like that, it can be destructive at times. It can be terrible or it can be good. We have to weigh the good and the bad and see where it will all take us. There isn’t a time in life where it will get easier. Life will continue to get worse if ...

No, Let’s Not Jun 7, 2019 There shouldn’t be any overthought on things. Seriously. Life can’t simply come around like this and mess around. It can’t have the ability to do all of these things, yet here we are. What are we to do with any of it? I don’t know.

 

Okay, so Smallville gets it’s Charmed vibe on in this episode. I’m not sure what the episode name is, but that doesn’t matter. There are three witches possessing Lana, Lois, and Chloe. I think they just stole Clark’s powers. Talk about a wild ride. Did they mean to basically rip off the Charmed Ones? That I’m not sure. It’s an interesting episode, I wonder if Clark will get his hands on anohter stone and put it in that cave thing. I mean there’s two more spots right? So two more stones have to be found eventually. Of course they’re talking about the three stones in this episode too, so there’s that. What is it with the number three in this episode? Three witches, three stones. Yeah it’s a thing. I’m not sure I get it right now, but I’m sure it will eventually make sense.

You know those days that tend to go by and we are clueless as to how they end up being so damn obnoxious? Yeah those days. Wouldn’t it be nice if those days didn’t exist? I mean think about it. If certain types of days didn’t exist, where would we be? I often wonder about that. Would we be in a better place mentally? Would we be in a better place spiritually? What about physically? There are so many disruptive thought processes that come across our lives that we don’t know how they will end up. Those things tend to destroy our mentality the most. We can’t have that be happening to us. We have to find a way to overcome whatever it is that we need to overcome. Overthrow the overlords as it were. It reeks of desperation at times. This life that is. We come into it so helpless and we leave with so much knowledge and wisdom after a long lived life. At least that’s the hope for us I think. If there isn’t anything we can do about such matters then we are doomed from the beginning. Sometimes...

Thu May 21 08:18:25 AM MDT 2026 New Days Ahead Today is a brand new day to figure out what’s out there and possibly see for ourselves the dreams we have to become a reality. Real life is a mess at times, I’m not sure how that makes any sense, but it does. I wish I had the ability take life by the horns as it were and simply make it all better. But I doubt that will ever make any sense. I hope that today will be a bright new day. That’s what I need in life. Even though it will be raining today. I need a good bright day without any distractions coming my way. I don’t know how that will happen, but it has to right? I mean there can’t be any reason why it won’t happen. Life has to happen for a reason. Nothing else can matter after that. Well maybe it can matter, but I’m not sure how that will affect my life at this present moment in time. Life will always be a distraction for me. I’m not quite sure how else to say it. It will be there and I know it will always be there. There isn’t any...

There are a lot of things in this life that don’t matter anymore. Life has a tendency to do that. I’d like to have a belief in something every oncde in a while. I’m not sure where that belief will come from. Maybe it will come from a good place, then again it could come from a bad place of thought. Thinking has always been a troubling path for me. There’s nothing in this life more overwhelming than thinking something isn’t going to go well. But if nothing in this life matters, what’s there to even care about? Life will continue on its merry little way and everything will eventually come to an end. There’s nothing wrong with that thought. That’s just how this life is. So here I am wondering about what this life will do to me. How best it will mess with my mind and cause me to have unexplained episodes where I don’t know or have a clue of what is ever going on anymore. My mind will turn to goo eventually, I can feel it happening. It would be nice if that didn’t happen, but who’s to s...

 Growing up, I was told that the KJV version was the only most correct version of the Bible we had so that's why we used it. Now since Dec of 2025, the church has changed their stance on Bible translations. Here's the full article . Basically several translations can be used, not just the KJV version. I find it interesting to say the least. To change such a stance after so many years of saying one thing? What else will change in the times to come and follow? Makes one wonder. Is it just God changing His mind on what can and can't be read? Or do the translations really not matter anymore? Did they ever matter to begin with? I'm not sure. 

Not Everything Makes Sense Jun 6, 2019 There are times in this life where not everything makes much sense. We are here and that’s all which matters the most. Life comes and goes, we are simply waiting for the end to find its way to us. Or are we? Maybe we are the ones who should be looking for something better in this life. There doesn’t appear to be much in the way of that, just a life where we hope and wish for something good to happen to us. Doesn’t mean something good will happen, just that we hope for something good to take place.

What exactly is this life about? I don’t have a clue. That’s why I pose the question to you, dear reader. What is this life about for you? Do you understand what this life is about or how it affects you? If you don’t, it might be a good time to learn about it all. I don’t suppose there’s ever a bad time to learn about your own life. Be it your geneology, or your thought patterns. Whatever it is you want to learn about? I say go for it. There’s no time like the present. It’s a good thing to learn about what makes you tick. To be able to see everything you might be interested in learning about yourself. Make a habit of seeing anything there is to see out there. Be the you, you want to be! Make a statement out loud. Be bold. See what’s out there. You have a destiny to live up to. It is you who chooses the destiny though, not someone else. So make sure it’s a damn good one!

I feel very emotoinal today. I’m not sure where this is all coming from. It would appear that my feelings and emotions are off somehow. I don’t know how this is, but it all feels so sudden. I feel depressed and down as of late. [Wife] has noticed it and keeps asking me about it. I’m not sure what to do or think about any of it though. I need to keep something in check, but I don’t know what exactly. If I am to understand what’s going on with me I need to be able to grasp the reality of the situation. Depression at its best can cripple a person. At its worst it can destroy a person and their ability to function. I don’t like the thought of not being able to function . If there were a way to make life better … I mean really better I would have found it by now. But I can’t seem to make it better. Not by a long shot. Maybe I’m confused and I need to be able to take a huge step back in order to understand what’s really going on with life. I don’t know.

Let’s face it, life isn’t worth living most days. What can you do about it? I’m afraid you can’t do much. It will cause you to try and escape from reality and then where will you be? Crushed without a place to go. Yeah, that’s the kind of consequences I’m talking about most of the time. So, why bother with it all? I’m not sure why I do most days. Wouldn’t it be easier to off myself? I mean who hasn’t thought about killing themselves from time to time? I know I have. It would be nice not to have these thoughts and feelings about my life. But I do have them and they won’t go away. So I must deal with them. There’s nothing wrong with that, I guess? Maybe there is. I don’t know for sure. So just allow it to be whatever it wants to be. If life wants me dead, who am I to argue with it? There’s so many things in this life that don’t matter. So many things in this life that do matter. I need to find a balance in between the two things and make it work out for me.

I remember what life was before I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder, and then Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features . Life felt easier at times. I’m not sure if I’m saying that correctly though. Not worrying about what I was or wasn’t hearing, or seeing or wasn’t seeing? It felt like bliss compared to what I feel now. Now my mind is full of confusion about life and other things in general. I hear things in my head and I believe them, I think they’re real. There’s no way around it unfortunately. Medication can help quiet the voices, but in reality they will always be there. I’m not sure I have the ability to change that. If I do have that ability? I would change it in a heartbeat. No one needs to have these voices in their heads, I for sure don’t! Then there are the intrusive thoughts that tend to come into my mind. Some are quite disturbing at times. I don’t know what to do with any of them. But they are there, and if I can’t change them what’s the point? So ma...

Another Day Jun 1, 2019 Just another day, there’s not much to say. It’s simply a day. Not easy when people aren’t around and things just aren’t the same. But you hope and wish everything was alright, that things would be fine. Maybe they will be, maybe they won’t be. Who’s to know what’s ever to happen? I do not know.

So I had the “ NEW” Wendy’s Spicy Chikcen Sandwhich . I guess they did an overhaul on this masterpiece. It has certainly changed. It tastes different for sure. They added pickles to the mix. I like pickles, but they didn’t really feel like they fit on the sandwhich. I read up on it, they’ve changed their recipe to a 9 blend of spices and some kind of new mayo. To say I’m not a fan of it? Yeah that would be putting it mildly. I might never order that sandwhich ever again. It used to be my goto sandwhich at Wendy’s . Not anymore. I just don’t like it. Don’t get me wrong, they’re a good place to eat. Just when they start mucking around with their sandwhiches? No thanks.

I often wonder what this life would be like if it were a game. What would the rules be? Would there be any rules of any kind? I’m not sure. It would be nice to be able to understand the rules of the game if there are rules. Sometimes rules are meant to be broken though. How do we deal with those thought processes? If a rule is meant to be broken, then what’s the use or point of it all? Maybe bending the rules is a better use of ones time? I’m not sure. Games have rules though, don’t they? If you play baseball , football , basketball , &c. they all have rules to them to some degree. Don’t include church ball, those rules go out the window the moment you step on the court. If I understood those games I think I would probably understand the rules that go along with them. I mean, you don’t just throw a “flag on the play” unless something is seriously wrong with the play. That’s how the game is played. Or you don’t throw a “ red card ” out there unless someone has done some gross...

Tue May 19 07:51:38 AM MDT 2026 Life’s Purpose Today is another day on this … rock called Earth. I’m not sure what to think about it. If life has a purpose for us all, then I’m sure we would have nothing to worry about. But here’s the catch, life doesn’t have a purpose. Once we figure that small part out? We’re golden. But it’s figuring out that small part that we don’t always have the answers to. So that’s where we sit with life at the moment. Waiting for something better to come along and allowing that to help us move forward I suppose. I mean I don’t have a clue if that’s the case of it all, or if that’s how we’re supposed to go about it. Life will be whatever it wants to be and we will forever be in its debt. We are forever in someone’s debt. No matter how that comes about. If we are lucky, we might be able to get though this life unscathed. If we aren’t? Then there are problems in this life that we cannot overcome. Again it comes back to what is the purpose of it all? If we do...

Ever wonder what in this life makes any sense? I sure do. I mean we don’t always have the answers we seek or want, but that doesn’t stop us from wondering about whatever there is to wonder about now does it. I’d like, for once, to be able to walk into a room and read it without wondering why I’m there, what I’m going to do there, how I’m going to accomplish it. I just want to be free from that anxiety and stress. There’s no other way to overcome all of that. Life will take its toll on us all, there won’t be any reason not to overcome any of this life, it’ll just be something we cannot control. Life will always be there no matter what we do. It doesn’t care about us. It wants us to either succeed or fail. That’s what this life does to us. It makes us weak at times, and then it turns around and makes us stronger again. There’s no inbetween when it comes to life. That’s all there is to it. We have to accept that margin of error in order to understand and grasp everything that goes on in ...

What If May 31, 2019 Ever have a moment of “what if”? Pop into your head? What if I did this, what if I did that. How would life change and how would have things been different. Things like that? I’m sure a lot of people have those kinds of thoughts daily. It happens. There’s nothing wrong with it, I suppose? Maybe there is. I don’t know. Life comes and goes as it is, and it simply is not enough to understand the basics of it all.

What Really Is Life May 30, 2019 If life is meant to be taken seriously, and we are here just doing whatever; is that really taking anything seriously? I’m not sure. I would probably say no at this point in time. So many worries in this life and there’s nothing that makes sense. Life continues to just be out there without the ability to determine the full truth of any matter. I would dare say it is quite unique to everyone yet everyone has such an experience. If that makes any sense.

Okay, so I’m starting Season 4 and am on Episode 1. We meet Lois Lane, that’s Chloe’s cousin. She comes to Smallville to try and track down what happened to Chloe. Meanwhile, Clark comes falling out of the sky in a bolt of lightning. Yup he’s naked in a cornfield. On top of that he has amnesia. Yeah … Clark doesn’t remember who he is. Later on he thinks he’s Kal-El, even goes flying after some kind of crystal Lex has. But his mom brings him back down to Earth, literally as he was seen flying earlier in the episode. Good ol’ Black Kryptonite given to her by Margot Kidder, who played the original Lois Lane in the Superman movies. (I love how this show brings in guest stars like this.) So Clark is back to normal and he remembers flying, saying it was “awesome.” His dad wakes up from his coma and Lois tries to forge a connection with the Kents so she can hopefully find something out about her cousin Chloe’s death. Yeah I enjoyed the season opener. Can’t wait to see what happens in this...

What the hell did I just watch? Did Chloe and her father just get murdered? Did Lex do this? Or was it Lional? Well I guess Lex was poisoned or something after he drank from that glass of brandy. So who knows what’s going on there. And what’s up with Clark? Jor-El really wants his kid to become the supreme ruler of the entire planet doesn’t he. God complex much? What does he really want with Kal-El? What is his end goal with Clark? Jonathan seems to be knocked out as well. Damn that Jor-El! What the hell is up with that? He seems rather ruthless and cunning to get his way. Sending a fake Kara to Clark telling him she’s from Krypton too? WTF Mate?! Yeah this season finale sure packed quite a punch. Then Clark just disappears into the cave wall? Or portal/entrance? Whatever that was. So he’s being reborn, whatever that means. Methinks Jor-El is up to no good here. That’s all I can think about it.

For the longest time the LDS church denied that John Taylor had received a revelation on polygamy, or the New and Everlasting Covenant spoken about in D&C Section 132. Well it came to light and the church acknowledged it finally after so many years of claiming it didn’t exist. Why did the church do this? Why deny something didn’t exist only to later say, oh yeah I guess it did exist after all. Whoops! Doesn’t quite make sense to me. Here’s the wording of the revelation penned by John Taylor: Sept 27 1886 My son John. You have asked me concerning the New & eve lasting covenant how far it is binding upon my people. Thus saith the Lord all commandments that I give must <be obeyed by those calling themselves by my name> unless they are revoked by my or by my authority, and how can I revoke an everlasting covenant; for I the Lord am everlasting my everlasting covenants cannot be abrogated nor done away with; but they stand for ever. & have I not given my word in great ...

Is this life? May 29, 2019 There are so many thoughts out there I simply cannot comprehend them all…yet I try and here we are again. Does it matter? Does it work out the way you want it to? Will everything fully have a way to figure itself out? I doubt it. I don’t think there is anything a person can do to make it all work out just fine the way they want it to happen. That’s not how this life works fully. It’s not how this life is meant to work, yet here we are. Waiting. Wondering. Hoping. For something to get better than we have it. For something to make sense.

Sun May 17 04:56:34 PM MDT 2026 Missing Dad I am missing my dad so much today. I don’t know how I can get through this life without thinking about him everyday of my life. I don’t know what to do about it. I mean I’m here, he’s not. He’s dead. There are so many emotions that come flooding in from time to time and I can’t seem to deal with any of them. It would be nice not to worry about anything anymore. I worry about the life after this one the most. What’s going to happen when we all die? Who will be there waiting on the other side for us? I hope my dad finds me. I hope he hasn’t forgotten about me. There are things in this life that don’t always make sense . I think living and dying are some of those things. It would be nice to be able to really understand what’s going on and figure it all out day by day, minute by minute. I don’t know if there’s an option for that though. Life seems to get in the way at times. It’s rather annoying. I don’t want it to be in the way of anything t...

There is a simple way to read a file into a SQLite database. The syntax looks like this: INSERT INTO images(name, img) VALUES('my_photo', readfile('photo.jpg')); Naturally you wouldn’t want to do this for very large files. The database would grow rather large I would expect and might become unmanagable. But for small files like icons? Things like that? Yeah I don’t see why not. Seems like such a simple little thing to do doesn’t it. Yeah, that’s what I was thinking.

There are things in this life that don’t always make sense. Hell, I don’t even understand it most of the time. It would be nice to be able to understand something from this life without having to jump through all the hoops in order to get there. I know that sounds so much easier than it is, but it’s not really that easy at all. Life is just hard at times. That’s all there is to it. Hell, I don’t have all the answers to this life. It comes and goes in waves. That’s all which matters most to it all I suppose. You have to ride the current if you’re going to go swimming with the sharks. Does that make sense? It kinda makes sense to me in my head right now, I’m not sure if it will ever make any sense to anyone else. But for now, it’ll have to do. There are times we don’t want to be alive, I get that. I understand that. But the important thing about it all? Is to appreciate what we have in this moment in time. There doesn’t have to be something going on everyday of our lives. It can be ta...

Silly Weird Things May 28, 2019 Life doesn’t always work out the way you wanted it to, or hope it to, or expect it to. Life just doesn’t work out that way. It is destructive and intrusive. It will destroy you. No matter where you go in life, you are bound to be destroyed. You can build yourself back up, but you have to be destroyed first. Don’t ask me what that means. I have no idea…it’s just a running thought in my head at times. Does that mean anything? I don’t know. Should it? Who knows. Who cares. Life is like that a lot…a lot of things just don’t matter anymore and here we are walking around in circles waiting for something to come along and take control from us. Whatever it is, it will find a way. So that’s life in a nutshell.

Life is a simulation . We are living in a simulation. There is no escape from this reality of it all. Once we accept our fate and the fate of the world as it were, we can be free from the pitfalls that befall us. Such an interesting thought process now isn’t it. Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too. If we can understand the truth behind this life, then we can begin to grasp everything that goes along with it. We don’t always get the luxury of getting the entire story when it comes to life. Whatever happens in this life is due to some sick and twisted mind behind it all. We don’t have control over what happens to us in this life. It’s all been mapped out long before we ever came here. That’s what this life is about. We don’t get to make the decisions we think we’re making. No, those decisions are made long before we are born and those decisions come to us because we are programmed to think them. That’s all there is to it. Kind of a let down isn’t it? Yeah, when I found out the truth...

Silly Weird Thoughts May 24, 2019 Today has to get better. There’s nothing wrong with thinking that. It will get better right? Everything has a purpose supposedly…this is just a trial? I don’t know what this is. Things get better? I think? I hope? Maybe? Who really knows what goes on in this life. It’s just a life…just a silly stupid life which doesn’t make sense. So here we sit waiting for something to happen. Will it ever happen? I don’t know. It’s just a life ya know? yeah…something like that.

Been watching Smallville as of late. Yeah I’m trying to binge my way through it. I’m not sure how far I will get this time around. But I want to get all the way to season ten. I’m currently in Season 3. I’m liking the season so far, havne’t had any issues with it yet. It’s nice to see some familiar faces pop back up during this season. Lex going to the loony bin? Yeah that hit close to home as you can imagine. But I’m enjoying it. Like really enjoying it. I do believe I’ll be able to get all the way through season ten this time around instead of stopping at season six like I did last time. Not sure why that happened, but it did and that’s all there is to it.

There are some tings that can be said about today that kind of make sense. Other things really don’t and tester on the edge of insanity. Most days it feels like I’m stuck in a feedback loop or possibly a time loop without the ability to cut ties to the loop and overcome whatever it is I’m meant to overcome. Panic sets in and I don’t know what to do about any of it. That’s when the fear begins to dance around in my mind. Fear and panic both play a role in what’s in store for whatever is to come next. I wish I had the ability to snap my fingers and everything would be back to normal. I’d be laughing and carrying on or whatever it is I do before this damn mental illness entered my life. It’s fine, it’ll be fine. I keep telling myself. When in reality I know it will never be fine and there’s nothing I am able to do about it. That’s just what I know about my life. Phycosis aside, there’s nothing that makes me more angry than the stigma that comes along with these medical conditions. Peo...

Life What Is It? May 23, 2019 People are always saying this and that about life. What exactly are they talking about? Doesn’t quite make sense if you ask me. But well people don’t ask me now do they, I don’t suppose that’s part of it all. Life has a way of simply being…something. Something you don’t fully understand or grasp to something which doesn’t matter. Maybe it does, who knows. Yet here we are simply trying to get by and understand whatever it is we’re meant to grasp and latch onto. Doesn’t make it easier to understand at all. Let’s imagine for a moment that life actually mattered… I mean does it matter? I’m not sure. It would be nice to know if something mattered in this life. yet we simply do not know if anything will ever matter now will we. No, I didn’t think so. that happens though. It’s okay for that to happen…I think? Maybe it’s not. Whatever the case, this life will continue on with or without you. There’s no reason to actually believe something better will come along...