DreamSense

Life Isn’t Fair Kyle Eggleston This life doesn’t always seem fair or feel fair. Life in general can be annoying at best. But what do you expect when that happens? I’ve been feeling sleepy as of late, I don’t know why that is. It just happens. I wish I didn’t feel so sleepy but I do and I must accept that. But back to life. Why does this life feel so difficult at times? I don’t understand why it does. There are so many thoughts and ideas out there that could be explained to us all, but they aren’t. That’s what bothers me most about this life. Being able to understand or comprehend everything that’s going on...you have to figure it all out on your own.

Nothing Makes Sense Kyle Eggleston Nothing makes sense in a world of things that really should make sense. Yet we live in such a world where we don’t have a full understanding of everything around us. Conspiracies raise up left and right long before we understand anything about them.

This life is here for a reason, we don’t have to say exactly what that reason is, we just have to believe in it no matter what happens in this life, we have to understand one thing. That thing is that we are not alone in the universe. I’m not saying there are aliens out there, but yeah there are aliens out there. It’s a concept that people have wondered about from time to time, there doesn’t appear to be anything else you can do but wonder what’s going on in the skies above us! There are so many things in this life that don’t always seem to matter, but you wish they would, at least that’s what I’d like to think would happen. I’m not sure that’s how this life is meant to be understood of course. If there’s anything in this life that doesn’t make sense, then it will always be there. It doesn’t have to make sense, that’s the absurdity of it all! Why should it make sense if there’s nothing to grasp from it all? I’m not sure I know the ansewr to that question. Such a life comes and goes an...

Welcome. There are many things in this life that I would like to try and figure out. It’s not always an easy journey though. Sometimes we come and go as we please, yet we really do not have the answers we are searching for. Lots of people have dreams. Ambition. Aspirations they wish to accomplish before they kick the bucket or leave this world as it were. I suppose that’s why they call it a bucket list. You kick the bucket and bam you’re gone. The dream belongs in the past. There is no current dream to belong to. Had I a dream, I would share it with everyone out there in the world if but a dream existed and there was a world to share. The dream begins as it always does. I’m swimming in a pool. A man enters and points a gun at me. Before I can reach for my own weapon, he fires two rounds into my chest killing me. I wake up in a startled mess. My sheets are soaked from sweat. I live another day only to have the dream again another night. After waking up, I have no recollection of ...

Why This Life? Kyle Eggleston Life comes at us without any kind of warning. We don’t know what’s going to happen most of the time. Yet here we are waiting for something good to come about. Something, anything, life has to allow it to become individualized somehow. But we don’t know exactly how any of that works. Does it have to work exactly? I don’t know.

Another week has come to an end. It’s felt like quite a week. I’m just glad to have a weekend to hopefully relax a bit. Who knows what the weekend will bring. Oh life, it’s better to see what you are about some days than others. The new meds make me sleepy. Not a good mix. Can’t seem to stop hiccuping. Darn medicine doing that to me. Some .1% to 1% my butt! I fell into that category.

Yesterday it was the plague, the death to millions. Today it’s the coronavirus. During all of this, just remember one simple thing. Be kind to others. It’s a simple thing to remember isn’t it? Be kind to your fellow men. Jesus taught this to people during his day. Love one another. Is it really that difficult to help people in time of need? I dare say it isn’t. Go forward with faith, your faith shall make you whole.

What Happened Kyle Eggleston Doesn’t make sense most days. What exactly happened? I don’t get it. I don’t understand any of it. Am I supposed to understand all of it? A piece of it? Portions? I’m feeling emotions and I don’t understand why I’m feeling these different emotions. I’d rather not speculate at all, but well what am I supposed to do about it all? I don’t get it. I wish I understood everything that was happening lately. I don’t.

Seriously, have you never noticed how life has a funny way about it? I mean it’s here one moment then we die and it’s gone. That can’t be a simple coincidence, can it? I doubt it. There’s got to be something else at play when life is doing its thing. Whatever that may be, life has a tendency to do whatever it wants to and we’re left with what’s left over. Talk about a nightmare. But we do have the opportunity to try to understand what’s going on most days. If we don’t attempt an understanding, then what’s the use of it all? I don’t know if I’m asking the right question here. Life tends to go up and down like a roller coaster. There isn’t a definite stopping point. That’s simply what life is. It’s a continuous journey that we have to navigate and figure out.

Life wasn’t meant to be this way. We wake up every morning and try to get through it just to go to bed and wake up again the next day. Is that what we’re thinking? Is that what we want? I’m not sure, actually I’m sure it’s not what we want at all. Yet it’s what we do. We are here to figure things out and try to attempt new things meeting new people. That’s what life is about I think? I guess? Either way, here we are. Now, if we wanted to do something a little different, we could. Life could be much different than it currently is. But, we have to accept that it could be different. Either way? It won’t be useful to any of us until we decide that is what we want. But what do we want for real now? I mean, we could guess all day long what we want, but we cannot fully express ourselves for some reason. Does it matter? I’m not sure. I’d rather not think about everything which could go wrong with this plan, but well you have to take into account all the different angles, don’t you? Some woul...

No Reason Kyle Eggleston I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no reason to be alive. There’s no actual purpose to it. Why should there be a purpose to all this suffering and death. It doesn’t make any sense. There’s no reason for it at all. Step out of the box once in a while and see for yourself there’s nothing to be seen. If there’s nothing to be seen, then there’s nothing to be understood and we are good.

 

So I was logged out of my Apple account on my phone. I neglected to update my phone number in their system, so when I went to sign in again it wanted me to verify against a phone number I didn’t have access to. So I went through the hoops of requesting a recovery. (I’ve had to do this once before the last time I changed phone numbers, it took 30 days to complete!!) Well, the recovery thing told me to wait 24 hours for instructions in a text message. I waited. No text message. But they did e-mail me. They’ll send me a text message on the 24 th , so then I should be able to unlock my account and have access to all my media again. I’m starting to rethink owning physical media again. It’s just too darn easy to lose all your stuff when you depend on another company to keep it for you.

Keep it to yourself, that’s what matters at times. Sometimes we can’t allow that which is troubling us out into the open. So, what are you supposed to do about it all? So many things happen in this life, but what of those tings that don’t happen? Allow it to form in your mind. Let it flow through you. Whatever happens, simply let it happen. The thoughts can’t hurt you if you don’t let them. How about that! Life just happens to be that way at times. However this life is meant to be, it doesn’t have to go according to your wants or desires. It’s quite simple in fact. Life will be whatever it wants to be. End of story. But that’s not really the end now is it? I didn’t think so. Life comes with certain challenges. It is through those challenges that we become who we are meant to be. No lie, no bullshit. That’s a simple fact. This life will always be a burden of some kind or another. There is no escape from any of it. Everything at some point catches up with you. It’s that simple. I’m ...

What Is That Noise? Kyle Eggleston There’s a strange noise coming from outside my house. I dare say it’s the city working on something. It’s annoying. That’s what it is. Don’t even start to discuss why it’s annoying. Just a random noise, someone digging a hole or something. Fixing a pipe or something. It’s always “or something” isn’t it. Let’s not think about all the times “or something” came to mind. It happens to get lost in the shuffle and destroyed within ones mind. Someone will come along and fix it all you think. Well that someone never comes along and you just don’t quite know or understand what’s going on with any of it. So we sit here and we think about what’s going on. We want to understand and grasp everything, but we simply don’t know or have a clue of what to do about any of it. So we wait. What is it we wait for? Clarification of some kind. We hope and want to have an understanding of whatever that thing was. The noise that enters our mind keeps coming. We keep waitin...

Overthinking finds me in an impossible situation. But that’s life for the most part. Whatever happens in life will happen. We really don’t have a say in much of it. I suppose that’s life in a nutshell now isn’t it? It would be better if I understood all there was to comprehend from life. If only there was a way to accomplish all of that. The mind can be a badly diseased factory at times. Talk about a nightmare. Let’s talk about today for a moment. I’m depressed today. The problem isn’t being depressed. The problem is I don’t know how I got here. When I get depressed, I become suicidal. Now that isn’t something to be proud of. But I can’t seem to escape it. Have you d# Mon Jul 20 11:25:12 AM MDT 2026 Overthinking finds me in an impossible situation. But that’s life for the most part. Whatever happens in life will happen. We really don’t have a say in much of it. I suppose that’s life in a nutshell now isn’t it? It would be better if I understood all there was to comprehend from life. ...

Helplessness Kyle Eggleston Not everything in life makes sense. Somedays we are here waiting for life to come along and kick us in the rear. Other days we are waiting for something to happen. That something rarely ever happens though. We are caught in a landslide of whatever there is to be caught in and we don’t have any idea how to go about getting around it. If that makes sense. After everything is said and done, we are left with the ability to recover. Legs decide to stop working, arms don’t want to function either. Our brain decides to stop thinking. We’re left with the most basic abilities around and we cannot grasp why that is. Almost like we are stuck in a never ending cycle of helplessness. It would be nice to be able to grasp hold of whatever is controlling us and shake it loose. That doesn’t always happen though. Most of the time we are stuck and simply don’t have the ability to get loose at all. So, why does that happen to us? Why do we feel like we can’t go on? Does it ...

Okay, I get it Zod is the bad guy. But is he an idiot? You take blue Kryptonite to make sure you don’t get sucked up to another world only to put it into your foe…and you get sucked up into that other world anyways? Wow! I kind of saw that coming, I won’t lie. Season 9 felt like a real slow burn for me. I like that about the older TV shows when we got more than twenty episodes a season! Talk about a wild ride. Season Nine did not disappoint. Now, onto Season Ten! The final and last season of Smallville.

Death Please? Kyle Eggleston Death. It’s an interesting word. It’s an interesting goal. I mean no one gets out of this life alive. So the endgame goal of this life is to die. Right? Some want it sooner than later, some want it right now. Or yesterday. Either way, they wish to die. There’s nothing wrong with wishing to die just as long as you don’t act on it...or so I’m told. I don’t know. Death would be nice right now. It would be a welcomed relief to this life, this agony and pain I feel at times. It just would be nice to be done with it all. Instead, here I sit writing this. I don’t get to die. I don’t get to just leave this earth and see what else is out there. I have to suffer with this pain in my legs and hope for one day that the pain will be gone and I will be able to live as a spirit or something and not feel a thing. Yes, that would be nice. That’s the endgame goal I seek. Let it come.

Being in psychosis means experiencing a severe disruption in how your brain processes reality. It is a state of “losing touch” with the world around you, characterized primarily by hallucinations (seeing, hearing, or feeling things that aren’t there) and delusions (holding false, unshakeable beliefs despite contrary evidence). It is not an illness itself, but rather a set of symptoms often tied to conditions like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or severe depression, or triggered by extreme stress, trauma, or substance use. Key experiences and signs include: Hallucinations: Experiencing sensations that other people cannot share, such as hearing voices or seeing shadows. Delusions: Believing things that are untrue, like the feeling that you are being plotted against. Disorganized Thinking: Using incoherent language, jumping rapidly between unrelated topics, or having trouble concentrating. Changes in Behavior: Withdrawing from friends and family, neglecting self-care, or having ...

What The Fuck Life Kyle Eggleston Okay so the title isn’t very nice, it’s crude actually. I don’t know how best to express myself at the moment. Here we are. There doesn’t seem to be any kind of escape. Everything simply passes into the abyss and we are here hoping for something good to come out of it. I mean, is there anything good that can come out of it? I don’t know. There’s so much in life that we cannot even find the beginning of the good that might come around from it. What’s good in life? Can you give me one good thing that I can be thankful for in this life? I would love to hear it. I cannot think of something good. I can sit here yeah, but that doesn’t mean something good will actually come from any of it. It would be nice to simply breathe and be calm for a moment. I don’t know how any of this will play out. I don’t know how any of it will end, I’m simply at a loss and I cannot understand how anything will happen. It would be nice to be able to smile and allow everything ...

The voices are indeed angry today. I don’t know what to do about them. I mean they’re here for a reason, maybe? I don’t know. I wish I had a clue about why they like to torment me. That would be a good thing to get to the bottom of. They want me to do things, things I don’t want to do. So I won’t do them, because any sane person wouldn’t follow what the voices want them to do! I mean come on now. Isn’t that just logical? Yeah, something like that. Freezing today too. Might be because I have a cold and am sick. Not feeling good at all. All my joints are hurting too. The voices love to talk about that though. Oh yeah, they like to tell me it’s my fault I’m not feeling good. WTF! Seriously? I hate it. I really do. But what am I supposed to do about it? I haven’t a clue. That’s life I guess.

If I had the opportunity to tell the world something it would be this we are going to be okay Don’t believe anything else this world tells you it won’t come out to make sense in the end

Under Pressure by Kyle Eggleston Ever feel like you’re under pressure to believe or think a certain way? You’re just stuck in an ever going circle hoping to please those all around you, you never know for certain if you’ll actually please any of them but that’s what you want to do. You want to make other people happy and make sure they’re content in all and everything they do. So why can’t I focus on my wants and needs to make me happy in this life? Makes sense right? I mean I want to be happy, why can’t I find a way to focus on me for once? I’m too afraid of what other people will think and say...it’s almost better off if I were no longer living. If I were dead. Something like that. I would rather be dead than experiencing no joy in my life ever again. Why do I feel this way? Why don’t I understand how best to make my life better? You’re not worth it. I know that, don’t you think I know this? Of course I’m not worth the love I give others. I’m not worth allowing that same love t...

Sometimes we have to dream for today and live in the present. We can’t afford to live in the future when it hasn’t come yet. Nor can we afford to live in the past. We must be present in the present, if that makes any sense. I know it can be confusing at times, but that’s what we must to in order to strive to do what’s right in this life. When life comes into focus, when it comes into view, we are able to see clearly what needs to be changed about it. That’s how life works at times. We don’t always see what’s going on, but we need to look deeper into the true meaning behind it all. We can’t live behind a curtain forever. We have to someday accept our fate, the facts are there laying in the sand and written on the wall for all to see. That’s what this life is all about. We have to be able to do what is necessary in order to accept what is true. To accept our fate and destiny.

Will It Ever End? by Kyle Eggleston The question stands as it was initially presented. Will it ever end? That is, will the war that goes on in my mind ever cease to exist? One would hope it would. One would imagine it would go away eventually. But we cannot always decide what will happen in this life. We cannot determine if something will go our way or if it will not. We simply cannot hope and wish for something to happen hoping it will go away. The war I speak of is a constant battle in my head. I deal with it everyday. There doesn’t appear to be an end in sight. It tells me to do bad things to myself, I have to stand firm and strong ignoring it all the time. It’s not always easy, but I keep at it and I try to defend myself at all times. So far so good, we’ll see how long it will last.

Oh voices, get out! Get out! Get out! You don’t need to be there telling me what to do and what not to do. Who to do it to etc. You need to go away. Is that too much to ask? I doubt it. But I fear the voices will never go away. They’ll be with me for a long time, and I don’t like that. Do the voices have a purpose in life? I doubt it. I don’t think they have a good purpose with anything. They’re evil voices after all. There isn’t anything good about them! At least I don’t think there is anything good about them. If there were, they wouldn’t be doing all the things now would they? No, I didn’t think so.

Life? Kyle Eggleston What is the purpose of life? I’m really getting stumped at this level of thought. I mean I know what we’re supposed to believe is the purpose of life, to do all we can become to live with God again, have multiple wives, create our own planets and have lots of spirit babies so they can do exactly what we went through while we were here on earth. However, that really doesn’t answer the question. If that’s all we’re here to do...I mean doesn’t that seem kind of redundant and boring to you? It does to me. I’d rather think we’d live with God instead of going off on our own. Wouldn’t you want to be with that being who gave you life forever? Instead of going off being your own god and creating whatever you wanted etc? I don’t know...there has to be something more to it than that. Maybe I’m just not thinking about it all clearly, and I don’t know what’s going on at all. Perhaps that’s just how this life is meant to be played out? Who’s to know exactly how this life wor...

Life by Kyle Eggleston You’d think we would be able to solve everything in this life without problems. All of these humans could learn to work together and solve every issue that came up. Right? But instead we have people going to war with each other and life just doesn’t get a win, ever. How many scientists are out there? How many have one piece to the puzzle and others have another piece to the puzzle? What if they all just worked together and added those pieces together instead of working alone. What would happen? Ever think and wonder about that? Most people don’t, well I’m assuming most people don’t.

We Don’t Have A Clue by Kyle Eggleston Today is but a day. I do not know how else to explain it, or how to describe any of it. We live in a world where nothing really happens, except for what we allow to happen. Does that make any sense? I doubt it would. We simply live in a world...we wish for that world to be something unique. Something we are able to grasp and understand. We hardly grasp or understand half of the things that go on in this world. I mean, if we really understood it all wouldn’t we have a better grasp of how things work? Yeah that’s what I thought. But we don’t. We don’t have any clue how this world is meant to exist, or how it is meant to survive. How are we to survive on a world like this? There are so many different options out there, we don’t have a clue. We need to get a clue.

Feeling off lately. I don’t know how to explain any of it. That’s just life as it comes to you at times. Life will do whatever it takes to ensure it finds its way out of the forest. That’s the secret to life, don’t let it get in the way of what’s out there. Overthinking can only get you so far in this life. It has a way of making this life impossible. But what do you expect with such a life? Not much, I’m afraid, not much at all.

Life feels weird at times. I don’t think there is anything that can be done about it. That’s okay though. So many emotions floating about today. It would be nice to figure it all out. I don’t think that will be possible though. There are so many things in this life. I don’t know where to begin most days. It’s a crazy thing this life, I just need to figure out what this life has to offer. Sometimes the answers we seek aren’t meant to be found. They simply cannot find peace in this life. It’s a shame really. So you have to ask yourself what’s important in this life. It’s not that difficult of a question really. It does make me wonder at times how this life is meant to move forward. Not everything can make sense all of the time. That’s just how this life works.

Never Go Back by Kyle Eggleston Sometimes, you gotta accept the fact that certain things will never go back to how they used to be. That’s an interesting thought. You can never go back in time to fix or change anything. It’s just not possible. We might want to go back in time and change anything, everything, but we can’t. Simple? Well not simple to hear, but very easy to say. So what do we do about all of this? Nothing. We do nothing. We can do nothing. You’d like to do something, but no that’s really not going to do any good in this life. So we wait. We wait for something to come along and hopefully we are able to anticipate the future. The future is all we can hope for.

The weekend is finally here. Feels like it’s been quite a week already. Talk about busy busy and that’s only half of it! Life itself has a tendency to feel a bit complex at times. I don’t know the severity of it. Just that it is and that’s simply life. I suppose if life weren’t such a challenge, what would the point of it [life] be? So you can see the point I’m attempting to illustrate here. Life has a way of tearing you down and beating you to a pulp. Maybe that’s not the issue though. Maybe the real issue is the fact we allow life to tear us down from time to time. Could that be the main source to the problem that is life? I think it is. Since we allow it to happen, we have no one to blame but ourselves. Depression sets in. You can only hide from it for so long. The mind tends to believe what it wants to believe as far as psychosis is concerned. There doesn’t seem to be a way back from such a thing. Once you’re locked into the simulation, you’re stuck there. There can be no escape...

Psychosis is quite real. Having been in and out of psychosis a lot of times, you never really get use to it. Sometimes it sneaks up on you without warning. It can be a wakeup call at times for sure. But I have to take whatever comes my way I guess. The voices get annoying at times for sure. When you live in the trenches of your own mind, you can feel quite trapped. Being trapped in your own mind can be terrifying, in its own right. But just because we feel trapped doesn’t mean we have to live there. Life is full of surprises, you mind doesn’t really care how you feel. It’s going to do whatever it wants to do. Sometimes that means we have to walk through Hell in order to get where we belong. It can be quite a learning curve is all. If I could put a stop to it all, I would. I don’t even know where to begin with it all. Life can be a bit confusing at times. What am I supposed to do with that confusion? The truth to it all will be my own downfall. No matter what happens in this life, i...

The Scary “C” Word by Kyle Eggleston There’s a scary word out there that begins with the letter C. Know what that word is? Cancer Yep, that’s right. It’s a word that is scary no one wants to hear or read or see...or whatever there is regarding it. I don’t know what to think. Bone Cancer is a possibility. That’s all I know. It’s creepy just thinking that could be a thing someone could have. I mean, what happens if that’s the case? Do we just deal with it and hope for the best? Who does that? Who can just hope for the best and see what happens? Shoot. Talk about a crazy thought that happens and comes and goes and whatever else there is. I mean, I don’t want to have to deal with that thought process. Just waiting to hear back from the doctor about it is freaking me out. It happens a lot. I try not to think about it, but then I end up thinking about it even more...who knows how it will end. I don’t. I wish I did. But for now I’m just sitting here waiting.

Some quotes on the Word Of Wisdom “Some of the men were excessive chewers of the filthy weed, and their disgusting slobbering and spitting caused Mrs. Smith … to make the ironical remark that ‘It would be a good thing if a revelation could be had declaring the use of tobacco a sin, and commanding it’s suppression.’ The matter was taken up and joked about, one of the brethren suggested that the revelation should also provide for a total abstinence from tea and coffee drinking, intending this as a counter ‘dig’ at the sisters.” Sure enough the subject was afterward taken up in dead earnest, and the ‘Word of Wisdom’ was the result.” — David Whitmer, Des Moines Daily News, 16 Oct 1886 (as quoted here in footnote #51: https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=6038&context=etd ) “Joseph Smith tried the faith of the Saints many times by his peculiarities. At one time he had preached a powerful sermon on the Word of Wisdom, and immediately thereafter he rode through the...

Overthinking again, what a surprise. It’s life, that’s what’s going on today. Such an amusing thought process is all. If life has a purpose how would that look exactly? Is it so complicated a question? Life itself can feel quite complex at times. I don’t make the rules. They just appear when they want to. I can’t control them nor would I want to. It’s a pipe dream to think I’m in control over anything. I’ve long since learned I have no control over my life. There’s always someone else pulling the strings. That’s just how this life works. Life is but a game. A dangerous game at that, but what else is new? I want to die. But dying wouldn’t end my suffering. Why must life be so damn confusing most days? I’m not sure I fully understand it all. I mean come on now! Existing simply to exist doesn’t feel like it has much purpose in this life. I don’t have another way of expressing this thought. Where there is light, there is darkness. No matter how it’s spun, that’s the truth of it all. T...

Some days are a jumbled up mess on the great windshield that is life. Oh life, you silly silly thing! Where did you come from? If life has taught me anything it’s that this life can be quite complicated at times. Yeah, this life sure can be a mess at times. Talk about crazy. But if that’s what this life turns up to be, that’s how it is. Living int he fast lane, as it were, makes little sense most of the time. But that’s okay, it has to be okay. I mean I guess? It’s something that’s for sure! Anxiety can be one hell of a drug. Not a good one mind you. It tends to take a lot to get through a day without overthinking all the things. But that’s all part of this life I fear. What does that mean for me? I’m not sure. I feel like I’m fighting an internal losing battle and there isn’t a way back from the brink. Whatever that looks like, here I am living it.

What A Morning Sat Feb 1 06:35:06 MST 2020 Let’s talk about today shall we? This morning has been bruital. I’m reading over the signs of depression. I have them…. boy do I have them. I don’t know what to do about that. It would be nice not to have to deal with any of those thoughts anymore. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to live. There’s no reason for me to be alive. People don’t get it, they don’t want to understand it. So, what happens next? What’s the next step?

There Should Be Space Wed Feb 12 20:54:57 MST 2020 There should be space where nothing makes sense and that’s okay with everyone. There should be a place where absolutely nothing matters, and we don’t have a clue what’s going on, but again it doesn’t matter…so we survive. Things like that. Isn’t that okay? Isn’t that what this life should be about? Something like that.

Okay, so I just finished Season 8. HOLY CRAP they killed Jimmy Olsen! I did not see that coming! I’m starting to think Doomsday/David was a prick. But hey, that’s just my own thought on the matter. He sure didn’t want anyone having Chloe but himself. Good thing Clark took care of Doomsday. It took me a moment to realize that the battle was over once they hit that geothermal station and things exploded. To be honest, I’m not impressed with the Doomsday storyline in Smallville. It didn’t capture the same erie feeling that the comics did. I don’t think anyone has accurately portrayed Doomsday the way he was meant to be seen. Some have come close, but even then they got things wrong. I would love to be able to watch a true Superman Doomsday throwdown. You know what I’m talking about, where Superman dies but before dying he learns that Doomsday’s bones are his weakness and takes him out. Just like in the comics. But alas, I think that would be too long of a movie to fully explain Doomsda...

Sometimes life can be crazy and unpredictable. Such is life if you stop to think about it. Talk about a wild ride. If I could give life a break, I would. But, you see, life won’t give me a break. That’s all there is to it. Life will give you answers on its own terms. It’s not some kind of fairytale. It’s just life. Such a funny thing this life. There really isn’t anything it doesn’t know. Life has been around a lot longer than you or me. The funny thing about life is, it doesn’t wait for us to make a choice. So we have to allow life to do what it’s meant to do and be. There’s no going back once this life gets in motion. Life really can be an interesting thing at times. But there really isn’t anything we can do about this life. We are not in control of our own destiny. If I had one wish for this life it would be to understand my purpose, my humanity. If destiny and fate are real, what are they to me? Such an interesting question don’t you think? I don’t know if I actually believe in...

Wed Jan 8 14:19:58 MST 2020 Today doesn’t feel like much of a day. I can’t explain it. It just feels like something is bothering me and I don’t know what. It would be nice to figure out exactly what is going on, but well when you can’t figure things out like this? What are you meant to do. Exactly. Nothing. There’s nothing you are able to do about any of it, you’re stuck with everything that comes your way. I doubt it has anything to do with anything I’ve done or not done. Just that I’m confused by why I feel this way. So there’s that I guess.

Tue Jan 7 19:39:37 MST 2020 Let’s talk about today than shall we? I’d like to think it would be a nice moment in time if we could simply get along with everything that happens in this life, yet I doubt it will. It’s a shame if you think about it. A real shame. But what are you going to do with any of it? No one knows exactly. So here we sit waiting for something better to come along, hoping for something to happen and allowing us to actually see what is real and what isn’t.

Religion and all things relating to it are man made constructs. There is no higher power at play. It all comes from the simple minds of people. That’s the simple truth of it all. There is no middle ground, no shades of grey. Life happens when we least expect it. There are two extremes in this life. It is either good or it is evil. There isn’t much of a middle ground as far as that is concerned. At the center of it all is some kind of God figure watching the world simply burn. If there is a God, He doesn’t show much for His children. Sure you can say He is bound by laws, doesn’t mean it’s true. It could be my psychosis thinking all of this up. I do not know the reason behind it all. If there were a God at the center of it all, would He really make me this way? Why is that? Am I meant to suffer? Maybe life is meant to be cruel at times. I mean come on now, what would you rather believe? This life is perfect? I think not! Life has its reasons to be whatever it wants to be. There is n...

Overthinking, yet again. I’m not sure what to think about this life most days. If I said it was confusing, that would be telling the truth. But what can I do about it? Not much I’m afraid. Not much at all. That’s how the cookie crumbles at times. It’s a silly thought now isn’t it? That’s what I was thinking too! If life had a purpose, what would it be? There are so many things in this life which require our undivided attention. You cannot deny that as a fact. It’s proof that life exists for a reason. A pretty good reason if you ask me. Life, at various times, is full of surprises. They can be good or bad, I think it all depends on the situation. Nothing in life is set in stone as it is always on the move towards adventure. But we can’t always be tied down to that which we don’t have. We don’t have control over things we don’t have or aren’t in our orbit. ’Tis the beast’s true nature that one. Confusing at times? Most definitely. Talk about an upset on a most terrible scale of terrib...

Uniqueness is often a trait we seek after. Traits are what make us all who we are. We don’t always have a say about a lot of our traits. Some are quite simply a product of how and where we were raised. Running around with scissors can be dangerous. Knowledge itself can be a dangerous concept. Yet here we are metaphorically running with scissors. The music continues to play. We have no control over the music. It’s quite an unfortunate happenstance. In this instance, the music represents voices and hallucinations. They can be a menace for sure. So many things to hear and relate to our own existence. Maybe it’s the little things that get on my nerves most days. I don’t know how else to put it all. Feels like a waste of time to worry about what the intrusive thoughts have to say to me. I can wish all I want, but let’s fact it. Wishing never got me a damn in the first place. I have a lump in my throat. It’s been there all fucking day. Pretty sure it’s anxiety related. I’m anxious about...

Life is confusing at best. I don’t know how else to describe it most days. Talk about a conundrum! But that’s life. If we knew what was coming, life wouldn’t be that much of a challenge would it? Yes, life sure feels like a challenge at times. You know the adage, life isn’t always fair. Well it’s not, is it. To each their own madness it would seem. We are al mad here anyway. No matter how I look at life, it feels like time is slowly slipping away from me. What happens when that time runs out? It’s something to consider now isn’t it? Maybe it’s a wasted thought of nothing, I do not know. If that’s the case, then isn’t this writing exercise futile as well? Perhaps it is indeed. I hate to think that’s the case. Thinking about life can be quite rewarding in its own right. Overthinking, on the other hand, can be dangerous. Life is a history book full of lessons. Will we triumph over evil? Turn the page. It is perhaps merely a metaphor. Yet it is a powerful one at that. But that’s life f...

Tue Jan 7 20:06:13 MST 2020 There has got to be some reason for these thoughts. Whatever thoughts come into my mind, I mean they have to have a reason right? Worry, regret, things I can’t control. Everything else which simply can’t be understood or controlled…things like that. I don’t know what to do with these thoughts. People tell me to simply forget about them. Let them go. Who’s to know how that’s meant to work out. I don’t have a clue. I wish I did. That would be nice, but I don’t. I mean, if life is meant to be simple…a breeze, something we’re meant to accomplish well into our 90s etc, if we live that long. Then aren’t we suppose to be able to do something with it? Aren’t we meant to be able to accomplish something and just be there for each other? No matter what happens? Life comes and goes, it’s not meant to be out there out there, but here we are. We don’t know what happens all the time. We don’t know what goes on when we aren’t listening or aren’t watching. We simply don’t ...

So, Doomsday showed up in Smallville. They were hinting at it. Jor-El told Clark in the fortress that Doomsday was coming. I was like, wait a second, doesn’t Superman meet up with Doomsday? Not some before Superman kid? Yeah…that was unexpected to say the least. I’m not sure if I want Clark to deal with Doomsday at this juncture. I mean, yes we’re talking about a show that’s been off the air for like twenty something years, but I’m a first time watcher so it’s exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what happens! I did read a few spoilers, I need to stop doing that! So I have an idea of what to expect about a certain character. (I think the whole thing is kinda dumb if you ask me, but it’s…whatever. When I get to that point I’ll rant about it.)

So, the voices have started up again. I don’t know how to quiet them down? I mean they’re here, so they must want something , I don’t know what that is though. If I had any clue or idea of what they are meant to do with me? Then I would have a clue, but I don’t? So that’s where the confusion tends to come in. Gah! I hate living like this. I want it all to go away or stop completely. There’s got to be something I can do to quiet the voices. I fear this is just something I’ll have to grow accustomed to, something to get used to? I don’t like thinking like that though. It’s like admitting defeat or something crazy. I’d rather not deal with such nonsense, but if I can’t stop it? What can I do about it exactly? I don’t know. Maybe I can sing a song in my head, could that stop them? I’m not sure. Something has got to give when it comes to the voices though. I know I’m not the only one to hear them, there are others who have their own personal voices going on in their heads. I’m not alone in...

Tue Jan 7 19:48:36 MST 2020 Maybe life isn’t actually meant to be made sense of…what if we’re just here doing our thing and we don’t exactly know why we are here or what we are doing? Is that possible? I don’t see why not. I mean, if we are here and other people are someplace else…wouldn’t that simply make sense that they want something good to happen to them as well? I would think so.

Okay, okay. So…what happened to Lex? Did Lex die? He and Clark went down in the huge ice/crystal Fortress of Solitude thing as it collapsed all around them and then what? Season Eight starts and there’s no Lex! What happened to Lex? I had to google it, and the actor wanted to pursue other things in his career, a noble choice, and they brought in this Tess Mercer chick? What the hell is going on with her?! I want Lex back! I mean, first Lionel, now Lex? WTF man?! Why is this happening? I get it, shows that last for a while they tend to fizzle out every now and then and it’s time to bring in new blood into the family. But seriously? Lex? Lex Luthor? He’s Superman’s arch enemy! You can’t kill the guy! Can you?! If they did kill him, then I guess he’s dead. Gone. Kaput! But come on now. WTF mate?!

Anxiety and depression often feed off each other in a vicious cycle. Anxiety causes hyper-arousal and racing, fearful thoughts, while depression brings deep fatigue, hopelessness, and apathy. When they clash, you might feel highly energized to fix a worry one minute, then completely paralyzed by a depressive crash the next. 1 So yeah, let’s talk about the elephant(s) in the room! Anxiety and Depression go hand in hand a lot of times. They tend to do battle, and the battlefield is your mind. It’s annoying as all get out, but what are you supposed to do about it? I’m not sure! It would be nice to be able to figure all of this out finally. But I’m not sure I have the resources available to do that. On one hand I care so much about what happens, and then I don’t care at all. It’s both confusing and mixed up at the same time! Talk about a mess inside my mind. I don’t know what to do about it though? I mean, it’s obviously an issue right? Yeah, that’s what I was thinking about. Cleve...

Anxiety is a bunch of hooey. I don’t know how else to say it. Having panic attacks that send you to the hospital are not good! I wish I had a clue of how to navigate through this life without anxiety. But I’m not sure I know how to do that, unfortunately. I’ve seen books that have to deal with anxiety and all of that, but the books I’ve seen? They tend to say “control it, we won’t tell you how to do that, but you need to control it!” So, maybe I’m not reading the right books on the subject? I don’t know. Then the panic attacks come my way, and I don’t know how to deal with those either. I just have to hang on for dear life, and hope for the best. I think that’s the best way to handle these situations right now. I guess. I hate that thought process though, it comes with a price; that’s for sure. Living with anxiety is like always contemplating what could happen or what might happen without just allowing life to take place and happen. I can’t allow life to just flow how it wants to a...

Mon Jan 6 20:29:05 MST 2020 Today seems like just another day until you realize there’s more to it than there ever was to begin with. I mean, think about it. Life comes and goes we don’t fully understand or trust it do we? No, I didn’t think so. Why should we trust it now?

There are a lot of things in this life I don’t quite understand. I get it, maybe life isn’t meant to be understood? I’m not sold that’s the case though. There has got to be some things I am to understand or at least grasp with my limited knowledge, at least one would hope! (I sure as hell hope I can grasp something in this life. Anything really.) Alas here I am, simply wondering how this life is meant to turn out. I’m not sure I get how it’s all meant to go at times. Am I meant to simply be okay with that thought process? I don’t know. Perhaps we aren’t meant to understand anything in this life, and all this learning is but for nothing? Nah, that can’t be the case. We can’t be spinning our wheels for all these years, just to find out it’s all for nothing. That’s silly and ridiculous. If I can but learn one thing in life, it would be how to deal and cope with whatever tends to come my way. There has to be something I am able to do about it all without the overthinking and thought pro...

You Are In Control Jan 3, 2020 Today is just another day. There’s nothing wrong with that. I mean if you wish it were a normal day then make it a normal day. If you want it to be a day where nothing happens, let it be a day where nothing happens. Just let it be whatever you wish it to be! There’s no one there to tell you how your day will go. You decide how you want your own day to go and how you want it to be. You do. No one else. It’s that simple.

So, I was watching Smallville (what else is new I know), and Lionel dies??? It was a WTF moment for sure! Lex just upped and pushed him out the window! WOW I was not expecting that! I mean maybe I should have seen it coming? I’m sure the clues have been there all along, it’s been building up to…something? But this? I, I was shocked to say the least! Lionel was starting to grow on me. But if he’s dead? Who knows what will happen next. Part of me is wondering if he was a clone. If he actually faked his death, or had his clone confront Lex because he knew Lex would do something to kill him? I’m not sure. But then again, why would the clone be wearing the locket with the key? So many unanswered questions! On to the next episode!

Whatever Aug 21, 2019 So many thoughts come to mind these days. There’s nothing really you can do without going crazy. I know it’s all part of this life, but this life doesn’t have to be part of it. Does that make sense? I’m not sure. It would be nice if I could figure out whatever goes on in this life, have it make some kind of sense. But well, we simply don’t have the answers to any of it. So here we sit.

Where To Now? Aug 20, 2019 If I should go before you do just remember you’ll always mean so much to me Don’t forget all that we’ve been through yet it’s over life continues on

What In The World? Aug 9, 2019 So there are thoughts that cannot be shared at times. Life doesn’t do what you want it to do. Life happens and you just have to deal with whatever comes your way. There’s nothing wrong with that thinking, it just happens to be that way. So life comes along and you have to decide what you’re going to do with it. You just have to think and do. Sometimes, there’s no thinking. You just have to do.

It feels like a day already, and the day has just begun! I’m not sure what to do with this knowledge or power, or whatever it is that I’m feeling. It’s a surge of something. I feel tired though. Not sure why? I drank a bunch of coffee, and I mean a bunch of it! Talk about a wild ride for sure. It should spring me awake, but I feel sleepy and tired. I wish that feeling would go away. Oh well, I’m sure something good might come of it? Who knows.

Doesn’t Matter Jul 26, 2019 There are so many things in this life which simply don’t matter. Why should they matter? Who cares if they matter or not? It shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t be worried about. There’s no reason for anything to be worried about at all. That’s what life does to you. You worry and then you go away. Everything eventually ends and it all becomes nothing.

I Don’t Know How Jul 25, 2019 I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to do anything right now. I’m just here waiting for whatever seems like whatever and will happen. It has to stop at some point, has to be okay again somehow in my head. I don’t know how that will look, or what it will look like at all.

Not Only Today Jul 24, 2019 There are thoughts that go through my head a lot. Sometimes it’s on a daily basis. It’s not only a one day kind of thing. So they stick around and there’s nothing I can do about it. Seriously. It would be nice to be able to do something about the thoughts, but for now I can’t. I just have to deal with them, and that really sucks.

Ever wonder what this life is all about? I sure have. Hell, I wonder about it everyday! There are things in this life that don’t make sense to me. I cannot explain them. So they remain a mystery. Life is simply a matter of time between independent thought and thoughts that don’t matter. It’s a simple benefit to you that make matters feel worse than they really are. Does that make any sense? I doubt it. But that’s life in a nutshell.

Had a sleepless night last night. No matter what I did I couldn’t fall asleep. I’m not sure what’s up with that? Is it the smoke in the air from the fires? I mean yeah I’m experiencing shortness of breath and wheezing because of the smoke in the air. It feels like I have something in my throat that won’t go away. It would be nice if it did go away though, I’m not sure how that’s supposed to work. It seems like I never know how this life tends to work at times. I wish I did though, that would be a good thing! Yet here I am, and I’m suffering in silence do to it all. I kept tossing and turning last night. Every time I thought I was going to fall asleep, I actually didn’t fall asleep. My back hurts too. [Wife] thinks it’s stress related, that could be the case. Eh, who knows how any of this life works most of the time? I sure as hell don’t! I need to have a good nights rest at times. I know [Wife] doesn’t sleep worth a damn either and she suffers from it. I wish that wasn’t the case. I ...

Why Does It Exist Jul 22, 2019 Why do things exist? Why exactly does that one thing exist? Doesn’t make sense. There should be enough reasons for something to exist, yet they don’t always exist for anything and everything. So here we are. Why does that exist? Does it make sense for it to be there? Does it make sense for it to actually be there? It doesn’t matter does it? I’m not sure.

So…last night, when I was in bed. I kept hearing a voice. I can’t remember what it was saying, but I do remember it getting madder as I was yelling at it to stop. I just wanted the damn voice to stop, and I couldn’t make it stop! Oh man that was annoying, so very annoying that it wouldn’t stop and I couldn’t make it stop. Life feels so difficult at times with these voices doing whatever the hell they want to do in my head. I can’t seem to shake them. Maybe I need to be put on a different medication? I’m not sure. I just want to feel normal, whatever normal is. I’m not even sure I know what normal is now! Talk about a nightmare. A living nightmare that I cannot control in any way, shape, or form. I want it to end somehow. I don’t even know how to make that possible.

We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law. Ah, I don’t think I have any problems with this Article of Faith. Naturally humans are humans and not everyone follows these as a tenet. As a people, we strive to do what is right. If you’re obeying God’s commands you have no reason to break local laws. That kind of thing I think. The laws of the land are an important thing to follow. They keep us out of trouble if we’re doing the right things and not causing any chaos. So yeah that’s good. Obeying the laws are an important part of life. Kings and other rulers. Yeah, well if your country has a king (the United States doesn’t), then you have to be subject to them. Same as presidents and other rulers of the country you live in. It all comes down to obedience I think. Obey and you will be blessed.

Another Day Jul 17, 2019 It is but another day, nothing seems to matter. Here we are simply living to the best of our ability. Why bother with anything else?

We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory. Okay, so there are a few tings to unpack here. Let’s list them: Literal gathering of Israel Restoration of the Ten Tribes New Jerusalem will be built in Amercia Christ will come back and reign Earth to become a kingdom Did I get all of those right? I think I did, not sure though. I mean it’s an interesting list to say the least. I think the “New Jerusalem” part is meant to happen in Missouri. Don’t quote me on that, but they do have Adam-ondi-Ahman there, I think? Let’s google it: Adam-ondi-Ahman is a historically significant site in Daviess County, Missouri, located about 70 miles north of Kansas City. According to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it is where Adam and Eve lived ...

Dear Dad, I miss you. Today is Father’s Day, and I miss you so much! I want to call you and let you know I love you, and I miss you. But I can’t! Talk about a wild trip! I don’t get it. I’m not sure I fully understand what’s going on in this life, but it just isn’t fair. Love, Kyle

So…Lana. I’m not sure I understand her as a main character. It feels like she’s just along for the ride by Season 7. I’m sure the writers had a reason to continue her story line but uh I don’t grasp why. Maybe she’ll find a purpose or meaning. I don’t know what that purpose would be of course. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how it all turns out. OK so she gets Clark’s powers at one point. She becomes kind of a bitch. Or she’s been like that since she married Lex.

BE TRUE TO THINE SELF. To utter such a phrase unto the which like a person must be found under. Is it not that which we strive to do unto the day of the ceasing breath? Of which I dare say to the audience at hand, do it or be damned. A night doth not go by where I find myself thinking. Perhaps overthinking upon the likes of which this life will destroy me. Oh to be destroyed long before it even began. That is which I wish for all. To understand truth, one must be destroyed before they are able to build themselves up again. It is a thought, take it or leave it by the way. It would appear to some this life is a matter of destruction. The kings of the nations of the world would have you believe they are the greatest powers of all. Each raise up armies, navies of the like all in order to reign supreme. But in their darkest of night, how are they able to see that which causes them the most evil of darkness. Riches of the world cannot solve everything. To each their own . It is a phrase u...

So I’m watching Smallville Season 7 and Dean Cain shows up and he’s a bad guy? Yeah talk about an unexpected twist! I’m not sure I like the thought of him being evil. But he is an actor so I guess that’s what happens when a story needs a role filled. It gets confusing when someone asks “hey isn’t that Clark Kent?” Yes, but wrong version of Superman. Wrong show. But impressed they knew something about Superman. So, yeah. That’s how the Kryptonite tumbles!

Sometimes I sit back and wonder why. It’s a simple question, it goes along with about four other questions that tend to get answered at the same time. The four w’s and the h. You know the ones I’m talking about: Who What When Where How Yeah, something like that. Okay, so why isn’t in that list apparently. Maybe we should add it to the list so it’s the five w’s and the one h. Now that would be a good thing, wouldn’t it? I sure hope it would be, if it’s not then there’s something to actually worry about. Well I didn’t put why in the list apparently, it should be in there I think? Who, what, when, where, why, and how? Yeah that makes more sense to me. I mean why wouldn’t we include the word why? That’s what I was thinking! There are a lot of why’s in this life. Why’s I don’t have answers to. Why’s I would love to have answers to. But I don’t see that happening anytime soon and I am at a loss for words. I don’t like it when I’m this way, so I try not to be this way very much. Yet...

—- title: The Boy Who Cried Wolf author: Kyle Eggleston date: Friday, June 19, 2026 keywords: [thinking] —- There is a story about a boy who was watching a flock. He got bored and called out that a wolf was attacking the flock. The villagers came and the boy said they scared the wolf off. They cheered him for being a hero. The next night the boy dis the same thing. Again the villagers came but found no wolf. The third night an actual wolf came. The boy called out about the wolf. The villagers didn’t come. They figured the boy was spinning tales. The wolf gobbled the boy up. The moral of the story is simple. Don’t tell the same lie twice. At least that’s what Garak from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine would have us believe. Yeah talk about a bad kid. He got what he deserved I guess.

Jim looked out the window of his fortieth floor apartment suite. It wasn’t every day he had the grand view of an alien invasion. Life just wasn’t going to be the same anymore after today. He sipped on his tea and smiled. Why should it be the same? He thought. Life never did him any favors. As Jim took another sip of his tea, his phone rang. He walked over to a large oak desk and picked up the receiver. “Yes.” He said. The woman on the other end of the line was hysterical. “Jim! Jim! They’re here!” Jim laughed. “Yes Gertrude, I know. I watched them land on the Empire State Building. Quite a site if you ask me.” “But but…” Gertrude continued. “What do they want? What are we going to do about it?!” She was panicked and rightfully so. Jim shrugged as he placed a hand in his pocket. “They want to rule over us, it can’t be that bad now Gertrude, can it? I mean they probably see what kind of a mess we’ve gotten ourselves in and just want to help. I’m sure it will be fine. We aren’t going...

Delaware(1787) – The First State. Delaware was the first colony to ratify the U.S. Constitution, and by doing so, became the first state. Its capital city is Dover. Pennsylvania(1787) – The Keystone State. Our home state became the second state to ratify the Constitution. It was also the state where the Declaration of Independence was signed, where the Constitutional Convention was held, and where the Constitution was effectually created. These national documents wove democracy (actually a Constitutional Republic) into being, the blueprint which many other countries followed. That is why Pennsylvania is called The Keystone State. Its capital city is Harrisburg. New Jersey(1787) – The Garden State. The third colony to ratify the Constitution, there must have been gardens at one time in this seaside state. Its capital city is Trenton, where incidentally, a major battle of the American Revolution was fought. Georgia(1788) – The Peach State. Many are surprised to know Georgia is our fo...