Skip to main content

I Want To Leave

 I want to leave. I don't know where I want to leave from exactly. If it's life, this place I'm in, whatever. I haven't a clue what I want to do really. It would be nice to figure it all out. But who knows what I'm even talking about. I sure don't. I wish I did, but I don't have a clue. So, there's that. To be honest there's a lot of things I just don't understand about life that I probably should. I need to figure out so many things that should come easily to someone.

Life has so many different ways of messing with a person. I don't know how it does it, but it sure does it a lot. It can get quite messy to be honest. I don't like messy. I would prefer something a bit more on the easy side of things. Something that I can deal with. Something I can take moment by moment. But I don't think there's really anything out there like that. I wish there were, but I just don't think that's possible. So what do we do about it? What do I do about it? I don't know.

I wish I could tell you I had everything under control. That I understood what everything meant in life and that I could easily tackle any situation that came my way. It doesn't work like that. Life is too complex for a factual representation of it.

 Perhaps there are too many things in this life that don't make sense to me. Or I just don't understand them. They can be confusing that is for sure. I wish I could understand whatever there is to understand about life. But I don't think I can at this present moment in time. I want to grab hold of whatever I can grab hold of and just keep on holding it until I can't hold it any longer and have to let go. I don't know what that even feels like. I can't imagine a life like that. Everything seems to slip through my fingers.

I'm too paranoid about everything else in life to worry about that going on. I wish I had a way to get out of whatever it is I'm in. Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! I don't think that will ever happen. I don't think I am asleep at the moment. It would be nice if all of this was a dream and reality awaited me.

Alas I can dream.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suicidal Ideation

 Over the years I've had to deal with suicidal ideation. Those are thoughts of being dead, some more extreme than others. It causes issues for me a lot of the time. It's not an easy thing to talk about at all. Here's what it is: Suicidal ideation ( suicidal thoughts )  are thoughts or ideas centered around death or suicide . Experiencing suicidal ideation doesn’t mean you’re going to kill yourself, but it can be a warning sign.
Post a Comment
Read more

Didn't Sleep

 What's the point of sleep anymore if I can't sleep? I don't think I slept any good last night. I was awake at 3 am wondering to myself, what on earth am I doing awake? Yeah, that happened. It doesn't make any sense. Fortunately, it's the weekend. So, I can catch up on sleep tonight. I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, so it's a good opportunity to actually sleep for once. Whatever the case, I hope I'll be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. We will see what happens.
Post a Comment
Read more

Babylon 5 Destruction

 I always get emotional watching the last episode of Babylon 5. Especially the destruction of the station. There are so many good memories of the series that it's just emotional watching JMS flipping the switch and the station exploding as the last transport leaves. It's like oh the series is really over. The station has served its purpose not needed anymore. Was peace ever really achieved though? It makes me wonder. I've only watched the series once all the way through, I'm on a second rewatch. One of my favorite characters is Mr. Morden. I'm not sure why that's the case, he's creepy as all get out. I just know that he intrigues me for some reason or another. Kosh is also a mystery, but he's meant to be that way. He's an alien that no one seems to understand or grasp. The whole story arc is simply amazing. It was television ahead of its time. I'm glad it was made. Talk about a brilliant television series. It was one of the first serialized shows...
Post a Comment
Read more