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I Want To Leave

 I want to leave. I don't know where I want to leave from exactly. If it's life, this place I'm in, whatever. I haven't a clue what I want to do really. It would be nice to figure it all out. But who knows what I'm even talking about. I sure don't. I wish I did, but I don't have a clue. So, there's that. To be honest there's a lot of things I just don't understand about life that I probably should. I need to figure out so many things that should come easily to someone.

Life has so many different ways of messing with a person. I don't know how it does it, but it sure does it a lot. It can get quite messy to be honest. I don't like messy. I would prefer something a bit more on the easy side of things. Something that I can deal with. Something I can take moment by moment. But I don't think there's really anything out there like that. I wish there were, but I just don't think that's possible. So what do we do about it? What do I do about it? I don't know.

I wish I could tell you I had everything under control. That I understood what everything meant in life and that I could easily tackle any situation that came my way. It doesn't work like that. Life is too complex for a factual representation of it.

 Perhaps there are too many things in this life that don't make sense to me. Or I just don't understand them. They can be confusing that is for sure. I wish I could understand whatever there is to understand about life. But I don't think I can at this present moment in time. I want to grab hold of whatever I can grab hold of and just keep on holding it until I can't hold it any longer and have to let go. I don't know what that even feels like. I can't imagine a life like that. Everything seems to slip through my fingers.

I'm too paranoid about everything else in life to worry about that going on. I wish I had a way to get out of whatever it is I'm in. Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! I don't think that will ever happen. I don't think I am asleep at the moment. It would be nice if all of this was a dream and reality awaited me.

Alas I can dream.

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