DreamSense

So, I have seven new shiny notebooks, with pens, to write in! SEVEN OF THEM! Yes I get excited by notebooks in general. I enjoy writing, it’s what I do best…most of the time. There isn’t always a way to tell if I’m doing good at it though. But I have notebooks to write in, so that excites me beyond any reason of the imagination at all. If I can write in something physical, and not have to be on my computer? I’d rather be writing that way. It’s just how life feels at times. I like it. But if I have to write using my computer, then that’s okay too. Eventually whatever I end up writing will end up in my computer at some point in space or another. It’s just a given fact. AND, the notebooks are different colors! So if I wanted to, I could color coordinate them by series I’m working on or whatever. They’re good colors too. Yellow Orange Purple Green Blue Okay so that’s not seven different colors. But hey it works! I’m happy with it! (and I deserve to be happy)

So, I added the following to my vimrc: " Change Leader Key to a comma, that '\' is so hard to reach let mapleader = "," " Set the maximum width of text to 80 characters set textwidth=80 " Optional visual indicator for the 80th column set colorcolumn=80 " Show line numbers set number " File type detection, plugins, and smart indentation filetype plugin indent on " formatoptions settings: " t: Auto-wrap text using textwidth " c: Auto-wrap comments using textwidth " q: Allow formatting of comments with "gq" set formatoptions+=tcq " Tabs and Spaces Setup set expandtab " Use spaces instead of tabs set tabstop=4 " Number of spaces that a tab counts for set shiftwidth=4 " Number of spaces to use for each step of autoindent set softtabstop=4 " Number of spaces that a tab counts for while editing " Enable syntax highlighting syntax enable " Always show the status lin...

I’ve had people tell me that I should just stop hearing voices. They tell me “No more voices!” Well it’s not that simple people. I can’t control what I hear and don’t hear. It just doesn’t work that way. I wish it did, but seriously it doesn’t. Life has it’s own mind when it comes to voices, and I simply can’t let it do its thing by trying to make them stop. Sure I can take medication, I’m on medication for it, but that doesn’t always take them away you know? I get it, maybe you’re tired of having to think that I have issues with voices and hallucinations. Maybe you’re tired of worrying about me. I don’t know the root cause of it all, and I can understand your frustration. But simply telling me to stop hearing voices? No, it just doesn’t work that way. I’m not sure what else to say about this. You didn’t understand when I said I was having suicidal thoughts either. Perhaps you’ve never dealt with someone that has these issues before? I’m not sure. Let’s face it, I struggle with life,...

Let’s face it, life can be a cruel bastard at times. I’m not sure what to make of it. I’d like to think that like with anything, life is possible to become so much more than it currently is. But I’m not so sure about that. Hell, there’s a lot of things I’m not sure about these days. But that doesn’t stop me from trying to become a better human than what I currently am. Isn’t that the point in life? To become better than who we currently are? Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. Oh well, if we can’t become better in this life, we can certainly die trying. I guess that’s a main staple in life that we die trying to do whatever it is we possibly can do. Not always what we want to do mind you, but what we are able to do. There’s a difference in wanting and able I’m finding out. It can be a pretty big difference given the circumstances.

Thu May 28 07:57:02 AM MDT 2026 Seriously, what is this life all about these days? I’m not sure I understand it at all. It would be nice to be able to figure it all out eventually. But I’m not sure how to do even that. I mean I can guess and guess until I come up with something? But I don’t know how to do that exactly. There are so many things in this life that get confusing and I hate it. I think life has a way of fucking with you, and we don’t quite know how to deal with it when it does that to us. It’s a messed up world after all. I mean look around, there are so many things going on in life that we don’t understand, so many things that we take for granted. So many impossible things that need to be explored but we don’t because they might be supernatural. We tend to blame a lot of things on God. If life goes good? It was God’s doing. If life goes bad? God has a plan for us and we just need to be patient &c. I’d like to think God is up there watching and rooting for us, even w...

Thursday, May 28, 2026 Dear Dad, I could really use a dad to talk to about now. How do you navigate through this life with all the worries and the stress and the bills that come with it? I’m not sure I quite understand how to do any of this. It’s killing me that I can’t talk to you like we used to. I’d take anything, even a “Hi Dad!” right about now. I miss your voice. I should have recorded it at some point in life, but I never did. Never thought about it. A lost opportunity never to come back, until I see you again on the other side. I remember you talking about a time you went to Stake Conference, and a general authority said that you won’t know you’re dead until you try to interact with something. Is that true? Is that what happened to you? I often wonder if that’s the case. I don’t know what to believe about the afterlife anymore. I used to think I knew? But now I’m not so sure. It’s so confusing. I guess I just have to wait until my own death to fully understand what it’s lik...