DreamSense

What Is Going On Jun 24, 2019 What exactly is going on in this life we live in? I do not know. I haven’t the faintest idea of anything that happens. I simply know I am living here and is that enough? Is that enough to make things work? Is it enough to enable life to be something better than it is? I do not know. I simply don’t have any idea of what is going on. I don’t understand or realize any of it. I wish I did. Yet here we are waiting for something better to come around. Something much much better to have an understanding of. Is that not the end goal of life? To better understand each other and ourselves as much as possible?

Let’s face the elephant in the room. That elephant is “anxiety.” It sucks. There I said it. I’m not sure how else I can say it though. It just really sucks. I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it. Living life with anxiety and depression tend to go hand in hand it seems. At least that’s what it feels like from time to time. They’re ganging up on me all the time and I can’t just choose one from the other. They’re a package deal! It’s rather annoying. One side is always “Hey, if you don’t do this you’ll get in trouble!” The other side is all “Eh, don’t worry about it. You can do it later.” Yeah it can be that conflicting. Add voices to the mix? We have a brand new ballgame to play. I hate it. I hate everything about this illness, and I don’t know how to continue forward with it constantly going on in my head. Yet they continue to undermine my thought process and try to destroy me. Those clever little devils! They need to go. I need to find a way to make them go. There isn’t an...

Life Isn’t Worth It Jun 22, 2019 Life really doesn’t feel worth it anymore. I don’t know what to think about anything. Just feels like this life isn’t worth living. Is there a way out? I’m not sure. It would be nice if there was, it wo uld be nice if I could figure out a way to get away from it all. But I can’t. So here I am.

Why Worry Jun 21, 2019 Worry doesn’t work most of the time. It comes and goes as it will. So why bother with any of it? There’s no reason to worry about anything. Life moves along as it will go and you just have to swim along the current long enough to figure it out. If you can do that, there’s nothing to worry about at that point. The worry won’t matter, as life won’t matter. Simple as that? Perhaps.

 Well it’s your birthday. I’m not even sure how old you would be today.  I don’t know what to say but happy birthday. I miss you and I can’t even call you up to celebrate you. Or send you a card.  I know I haven’t always been the best kid or anything like that. But I’m trying. I just hope you’re proud of who I am today. 

Years ago, think 2003, I had an idea for a Contact Management System . The base of the program would be contact based. Keeping things like: Name Company Title/Position Address Phone Number(9) Notes Very basic. But with one caveat, it could be extendable by plugins . I was going to write this in ColdFusion , but nothing ever came from it. I’d like to try my hand at it again , this time in Java or something similar? I don’t know how I would accomplish this. There would have to be some kind of config file for each extension/addition to the program that would load the external programming. Yeah, it def needs more attention and thought process to it. But I’d thought I’d put it out there for now so I can remember it later.