DreamSense

What on earth is going on here? I don’t have any idea of what to think or say. Life is getting in the way to be honest, but I wish it wasn’t. I wish it was being kinder to me. It needs to be kinder to me. Somehow I’m failing at life. I just don’t know what to do about any of it.

Had some nightmares last night, again. I don’t know what’s causing them…something for sure but I don’t enjoy or like them. They need to stop and I must find a way to make them stop. Last night it was something about a virus going around. It was spread by some kind of liquid compound. It was airborne and would also affect you on touch. Talk about a crazy dream right? To my knowledge there was no cure. At some point in the dream a cure did come along though? But people started messing with the pipes that caused the damn virus to come back. So we were all screwed.

Life wasn’t meant to be easy. [L]ife was simply meant to be. I don’t know exactly how this life was meant to be, but I do know life wasn’t meant to be crazy. What if life was meant to be something different? I mean here we are just waiting for something to come along right? What if it doesn’t come? What then?

Had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dad died al over again. In my dream he managed to survive the choking incident in 2024 on Christmas Eve. The doc wanted to run some pressure tests by putting him in a huge tub of water, he would be fully submerged and wearing a mask so he could breathe. Well apparently it didn’t go so well. I received word in the mail from my uncle sending his condolences. I was in shock. How could he die? Again? My mom was furious that the doc waited a week to perform some kind of surgery on him. As I was talking to my mom I was choked up, I could barely breathe or talk. She then said I had leukemia in my brain and in my…appendix[?] Can’t remember where. I just broke down crying. Woke up in a panic and was very happy to see all was right in the world, that it was just a dream. But still, man. Talk about a trip!

Let’s face it, life isn’t fair. I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t suppose it’s meant to make any sense really. But who am I to say that? I’m a nobody. Sure it doesn’t feel like that at times, but trust me I’m a nobody. It would be nice not to feel like a failure. I don’t know how to feel that way though? I just feel that way and it’s all I’ve ever known. Talk about an anoying thought process…but it is what it is. Whatever would be nice doesn’t always make sense to me. It’s that strange of a thought. It would be nice to have self esteem, some self confidence even. But where am I going to find that? I don’t know. It’s just one of those things, I think. Doesn’t quite make sense when you’re not looking for an answer. Only when you’re constantly thinking about it are you under some kind of…trance. That’s the best way I can describe it. I don’t know how else to do that. It’s whatever. I don’t know what it is.

Why This Life? Kyle Eggleston Some wonder why this life. It’s a simple question without any kind of simple response. It would be nice to have an answer to it all. But we don’t. Not all answers come easily to us. There are some that avoid us at all costs. Life is one of those questions that seems to avoid people. Where are we going after we die and all of that. It would be nice to be able to figure it all out eventually. If that is at all possible.