DreamSense

What exactly is this life about? I don’t have a clue. That’s why I pose the question to you, dear reader. What is this life about for you? Do you understand what this life is about or how it affects you? If you don’t, it might be a good time to learn about it all. I don’t suppose there’s ever a bad time to learn about your own life. Be it your geneology, or your thought patterns. Whatever it is you want to learn about? I say go for it. There’s no time like the present. It’s a good thing to learn about what makes you tick. To be able to see everything you might be interested in learning about yourself. Make a habit of seeing anything there is to see out there. Be the you, you want to be! Make a statement out loud. Be bold. See what’s out there. You have a destiny to live up to. It is you who chooses the destiny though, not someone else. So make sure it’s a damn good one!

I feel very emotoinal today. I’m not sure where this is all coming from. It would appear that my feelings and emotions are off somehow. I don’t know how this is, but it all feels so sudden. I feel depressed and down as of late. [Wife] has noticed it and keeps asking me about it. I’m not sure what to do or think about any of it though. I need to keep something in check, but I don’t know what exactly. If I am to understand what’s going on with me I need to be able to grasp the reality of the situation. Depression at its best can cripple a person. At its worst it can destroy a person and their ability to function. I don’t like the thought of not being able to function . If there were a way to make life better … I mean really better I would have found it by now. But I can’t seem to make it better. Not by a long shot. Maybe I’m confused and I need to be able to take a huge step back in order to understand what’s really going on with life. I don’t know.

Let’s face it, life isn’t worth living most days. What can you do about it? I’m afraid you can’t do much. It will cause you to try and escape from reality and then where will you be? Crushed without a place to go. Yeah, that’s the kind of consequences I’m talking about most of the time. So, why bother with it all? I’m not sure why I do most days. Wouldn’t it be easier to off myself? I mean who hasn’t thought about killing themselves from time to time? I know I have. It would be nice not to have these thoughts and feelings about my life. But I do have them and they won’t go away. So I must deal with them. There’s nothing wrong with that, I guess? Maybe there is. I don’t know for sure. So just allow it to be whatever it wants to be. If life wants me dead, who am I to argue with it? There’s so many things in this life that don’t matter. So many things in this life that do matter. I need to find a balance in between the two things and make it work out for me.

I remember what life was before I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder, and then Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features . Life felt easier at times. I’m not sure if I’m saying that correctly though. Not worrying about what I was or wasn’t hearing, or seeing or wasn’t seeing? It felt like bliss compared to what I feel now. Now my mind is full of confusion about life and other things in general. I hear things in my head and I believe them, I think they’re real. There’s no way around it unfortunately. Medication can help quiet the voices, but in reality they will always be there. I’m not sure I have the ability to change that. If I do have that ability? I would change it in a heartbeat. No one needs to have these voices in their heads, I for sure don’t! Then there are the intrusive thoughts that tend to come into my mind. Some are quite disturbing at times. I don’t know what to do with any of them. But they are there, and if I can’t change them what’s the point? So ma...

Another Day Jun 1, 2019 Just another day, there’s not much to say. It’s simply a day. Not easy when people aren’t around and things just aren’t the same. But you hope and wish everything was alright, that things would be fine. Maybe they will be, maybe they won’t be. Who’s to know what’s ever to happen? I do not know.

So I had the “ NEW” Wendy’s Spicy Chikcen Sandwhich . I guess they did an overhaul on this masterpiece. It has certainly changed. It tastes different for sure. They added pickles to the mix. I like pickles, but they didn’t really feel like they fit on the sandwhich. I read up on it, they’ve changed their recipe to a 9 blend of spices and some kind of new mayo. To say I’m not a fan of it? Yeah that would be putting it mildly. I might never order that sandwhich ever again. It used to be my goto sandwhich at Wendy’s . Not anymore. I just don’t like it. Don’t get me wrong, they’re a good place to eat. Just when they start mucking around with their sandwhiches? No thanks.