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No Sleep

I don’t want to go to sleep tonight. I’m not sure why, but I have this fear that if I fall asleep I might not wake up. I know it sounds stupid and everything, but that’s how I feel. Call it me being scared, call it a fear, call it an irrational fear. Call it whatever you will. I just know how I feel at this moment in time and there’s nothing I can do about it. I wish I could do something about it, but I just can’t. Not right now. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to think it all through. But for now? I don’t have a clue. Maybe I simply don’t understand what’s going on in my head right now. It would be nice if I could grasp everything that goes on at once, but I don’t think that’s possible. Heck, I don’t know what’s possible anymore. I wish I could get a grasp on whatever is going on in my mind. But I can’t. I’ve had manic nights before, this wouldn’t be the first. I’ve had other occurrences where I’ve managed to stay up all night and into the next day without issue. I don’t understand t...
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Blast From The Past: April 29, 2018

Sun Apr 29 10:11:40 MDT 2018 Published a book I’ve been working on for a few months. It won’t go anywhere, that is for sure. For it cannot go anywhere. It must remain in my home and not see the light of day. Why is this? There are questions inside the book. Questions, doctrine, policy, criticism. Everything which I cannot publish out into the world. To do so would mean the end of me. So I shall keep it deep within and not publish it. My parents would flip. I would be excommunicated for such conversations and thoughts. Only because a corporation doesn’t want their members to think for themselves. I suppose that’s okay. I wish my parents had never forced me into a religion. I think I would have been better off if that hadn’t of happened. But well, who am I to judge? I am but a man and I also sin in my life. I’m not perfect. I am only a person to understand and grasp that which I can. I could be wrong. That thought has crossed me. But logic and feelings tell me otherwise. Oh, what to...
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Seduce Me

Seduce me take me in your arms never let me go allow you to embrace me life will come to an end eventually, but you must know how I feel about you ravish me with your thoughts taste me with your emotion embrace me with your lust and attention let me be the way I am for tomorrow might never come
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Red Kryptonite

Just watched the episode of Smallville where Clark gets influenced by red kryptonite. Yeah, that episode. If you don’t recall the episode, the school makes class rings out of red meteorite. Instead of rubies. Clark puts one on, and we see a completely different side to him. He’s arrogant, not confidence, it’s complete asshole arrogance on his part. He’s a jerk. I wanted to shout at my television and yell “NOOOOO Don’t Do It!!!” I didn’t but I wanted to. Good thing Pete and Mr. Kent were able to stop him before he continued his evil ways. I felt for Clark at the end, he felt bad about what he did but couldn’t tell anyone what had actually happened. I know Pete knows about him by this point in the series. But no one else knows except for his parents and that one-off kid that we’ll probably never see again. Good episode overall. I enjoyed it.
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Blast From The Past: April 28, 2018

Sat Apr 28 09:42:30 MDT 2018 I had a dream last night. The location of it is unimportant. But there was a man there who was boasting of a new prophet which he believed in. I told him it was false. he turned to me and said, how do you know your church is true? The thought came to me. If the church is true, why need I fear? If the prophet is a good man and holds up good works and deeds, why need I fear? For such the church I belong to was truer than this prophet of which he claimed to be true because I knew. I’m not sure what to think about said dream, for it is a dream… is it not? My mind has been weighed down for a while now about such matters. If it is just my mind trying to figure things out? I don’t [know] what to say.
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Depression

So I think I’m depressed. I haven’t been depressed for a moment, so I’m not quite sure if this is depression or what it is. I need to get through it somehow. I just don’t know how to do that. It would be nice to be able to go without being depressed, but I’m not sure my body or mind knows how to do that. I’m on medication, so that should help matters right? Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. Somehow I’ll get over it. I just have to remain vigilant and make it happen.
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Body Armor

Been drinking Body Armor to get some good things in me and keep me hydrated. I usually drink Gatorade or Powerade , but I thought I would try Body Armor. The Strawberry Banana is by far my favorite flavor. I’m trying the Orange Mango right now, and to be honest, not my fav. I don’t know what it is about it, it kinda tastes bitter to me. I tried a Strawberry Orange flavor, I think that’s what it was. That was quite tasty a well. Then of course I’m trying to push water . They have a special going on at the gas station. You can buy one for 3.59, or two for 5.50. So I ended up buying four of them. Drank two yesterday, drinking two today, then of course the water on top of it all. I wonder if it’s possible to overhydrate yourself. I know you just can’t slam a gallon of water like it’s nothing. That’ll kill you. It’s happened to people before. So the key of the matter? Don’t drink too much water in one sitting. Simple right? Problem solved? Yeah, maybe not. People will hear that and t...
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