DreamSense

There are some tings that can be said about today that kind of make sense. Other things really don’t and tester on the edge of insanity. Most days it feels like I’m stuck in a feedback loop or possibly a time loop without the ability to cut ties to the loop and overcome whatever it is I’m meant to overcome. Panic sets in and I don’t know what to do about any of it. That’s when the fear begins to dance around in my mind. Fear and panic both play a role in what’s in store for whatever is to come next. I wish I had the ability to snap my fingers and everything would be back to normal. I’d be laughing and carrying on or whatever it is I do before this damn mental illness entered my life. It’s fine, it’ll be fine. I keep telling myself. When in reality I know it will never be fine and there’s nothing I am able to do about it. That’s just what I know about my life. Phycosis aside, there’s nothing that makes me more angry than the stigma that comes along with these medical conditions. Peo...

Life What Is It? May 23, 2019 People are always saying this and that about life. What exactly are they talking about? Doesn’t quite make sense if you ask me. But well people don’t ask me now do they, I don’t suppose that’s part of it all. Life has a way of simply being…something. Something you don’t fully understand or grasp to something which doesn’t matter. Maybe it does, who knows. Yet here we are simply trying to get by and understand whatever it is we’re meant to grasp and latch onto. Doesn’t make it easier to understand at all. Let’s imagine for a moment that life actually mattered… I mean does it matter? I’m not sure. It would be nice to know if something mattered in this life. yet we simply do not know if anything will ever matter now will we. No, I didn’t think so. that happens though. It’s okay for that to happen…I think? Maybe it’s not. Whatever the case, this life will continue on with or without you. There’s no reason to actually believe something better will come along...

There’s been a thought that has been going through my head. It seems to live there rent free. The thought is this: Suicide is never the answer. You see, people are in control of their lives to a point. Suicide is one control mechanism that people can decide if they want to do. If they choose to take that door, there is no coming back. I wonder if people realize that. I wonder if they understand the consequences of killing themselves. I for one understand the consequence and what it will do to those people I love and care about. Maybe that’s why I’m still alive after all this time of having these psychotic episodes. There’s no way of telling of course. I once had a therapist ask me why I was staying alive, what kept me motivated to stay in this life instead of choosing to die. I didn’t have an answer for her. I’m not sure I have an answer to this day to that question, come to think about it. Personally I don’t see the use in suicide. I can imagine it only brings about pain and so...

There are several days where you run across someone and you wonder to yourself “Can I really trust them?” Sometimes you don’t want to believe the whites of their eyes for that devil’s smile they carry with them can have a different outcome than what you’re expecting. Trust goes a long way in some circles. You can’t get through life without trusting someone. An interesting thing about trust is it’s not given away, it has to be earned. Naturally trust is a two way street. You don’t gain someone’s trust and not trust them back. It has to go both ways, how else are you expected to work well with them? So, you have an option to perform. Either you trust people, those around you or you don’t. But if you don’t trust them, don’t expect them to trust you in return. It’s quote a sword this whole trust thing. One has to want to trust, it’s that simple.

Thu May 14 06:42:20 AM MDT 2026 Today Is A Mess Let’s face it, today is a mess. I don’t feel like doing anything about it. There’s not much going on in this life if I’m to be honest with you. So many consequences out there and there’s nothing I can do about any of them. So, that’s just what this life is at times. I guess. I mean, what’s the point of it all? I don’t understand anything that happens in this life. It feels like evryone and everything is against me. Now if that’s not a kick in the butt, I don’t know what is. I wish I had the ability to overcome these thoughts. Whatever they are, but I’m not sure I am able to do that. I mean, we’re here for a reason. There are so many reasons to understand yet I don’t know what to do with any of it. I’ve made decisions in this life, financial decisions, and they weren’t the best. So there’s noting I can do about it all. Everything comes back to bite you in the ass. If there was anything I can do about this life, I wish I could figure o...

Life has to have a meaning, a purpose. Someplace where I can think through these thoughts I have. But there doesn’t appear to be a purpose to any of it. Now I’m sure you could recite religious references and the like about how this life is meant to be good or other such nonsense. But what troubles me with that? Those texts were written by people with a limited knowledge of how this life turns out for the rest of us. Revelation comes to those to whom they have stewardship over. A prophet can dictate doctrine to a group of people while the rest of us can simply see what is out there for ourselves. Everything must have a purpose in this life. I don’t know exactly what that purpose is most of the time. It scares me if I’m being honest. I wish I knew what to do with this life and figure out what this life is all about. But I don’t know how to do that. I can’t say for certain that this life is good for me. There’s no way of telling what will happen, and that scares me the most. So I wi...