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Why Must Life Be This Way

If there’s one thing I don’t quite understand about this life, is why must it be this way? I mean, we have to deal with some things in life and we cannot easily allow them to be what they want to be, at least I don’t think that’s how it works. If it did? Then everything would be fine, we could continue on about whatever we wanted to do and there would be no harm or foul. That’s the problem with this life though. Nothing ever fully makes sense at times and we are left holding the problem end of the cord. There are times when life will come clean with us, we don’t always get that kind of protection mind you. So what do we end up doing? Do we want to keep thinking and going on about whatever there is to go on about? I’m not sure that’s a safe course of action. Hell, what is safe anymore? I do not know. What I do know is life will continue to be the way it’s meant to be. There’s no stopping it. No matter what happens in this life, we will always be stuck with whatever we’re meant to be st...
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I Want to Go Home

 I want to go home. Which home is that exactly? Oh home. Where I came from. Like initially came from. Before I came to this Earth. Wherever that is, I want to go back. I'm done with life. There's no point in continuing on anymore. It's too stressful. It's too hard. Does this mean death would have to happen? Oh, probably it does. The voices are telling me to go for it so why not try? They're egging me on. Is there a point to this life anymore? I've lost everything it feels like. There's nothing that can be done about this life. Nothing I can do to make it better. It is what it is. I have to deal with and accept that as what life is from now on.

It would be nice if life wasn't this way. It would be nice if I could find some way to overcome whatever depression I am in right now. But I can't seem to do that at the moment. So, I'm hanging on with all I've got so I don't go downhill any more than I already am. I don't know what I'm doing right now with life. I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I feel like I am. There needs to be a way out of this life that will be easy and painless. That's all I really want. Is that too much to ask? I don't know if it is. Maybe I'm dreaming up a non-existent future for myself. I really don't know.

Why must this life be so difficult to begin with. You would think it would be easier than it is. Maybe I'm the one making it difficult to live in. Who knows. I wish I had the ability to just snap my fingers and make everything okay again. But I can't do that. There's just no way to cope with all of these changes that are happening in my life at this moment. I don't know what to do about any of it.

I can feel paranoia sinking in already. Thoughts that don't feel like mine are also there. Is someone injecting their thoughts into my brain somehow? I don't know if that's possible. Is it demons that are speaking to me? Now that's freaky. I miss people that used to be in my life. I don't know what happened to them. Some don't want me back in their life, I respect that and it's okay. I screwed up those relationships there's no reason for any of them to be together anymore.

Am I just a big screw up? Maybe that's my problem. I don't know how to be socially acceptable. I don't understand life most of the time. I know I'm a part of it. It's a part of me. But beyond that, it baffles me. It shouldn't baffle me like it does. There's no point in it. So, what is it exactly that I'm confused about? That's the question I should be asking. Maybe I'll figure it out eventually. So many things would be nice if I could figure them out. But it's not that way. Not yet at least.

Life is strange to me. So many possibilities for so many outcomes to happen. I don't get it. I wish I could understand everything that happens to me, why it happens to me. Everything happens for a reason, right? Well, I want to know what those reasons are. So many wishes and so little time. That's what makes this life go round.

So, I guess I'll just let this life be what it is. When it's my time to go, I'll be happy. Until then I will try and just live my best life possible.

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