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Life Doesn't Make Sense

 How am I expected to pay all of these bills? I don't get it. I don't know how I am going to be able to pay it all and keep my head above water. It's so frustrating to me. I know I need to pay them. It makes sense to pay them and all of that. But it still haunts me to how I am going to be able to do it. Maybe I need a second job. I could wait tables or something like that I suppose. Just something to get me by in the meantime while I try and figure all of this mess out. It's quite a mess I tell you. Quite a mess.

There are so many things that don't make sense in life. Bills are just one of them. I tend to wonder what on Earth I am doing here. What's going on with all of this. I don't want to make things impossible for myself, but it feels like things are starting to get impossible for myself. Feels like there's nothing happening at all right now and I'm scared about that. I want things to happen now. On my terms. But I can't have it that way. Life doesn't care about my terms. It only cares about the terms of others it would seem.

Feels like I cannot breathe. There are so many things out there that I just can't do right now. I don't know how I am going to be able to do the things I need to do in order to accomplish what's required in this life. So many things I am frustrated with. I hate being frustrated. I'm not a fan of things that cause me grief or frustration. But here I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. Where do I go next. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

It would be nice if I could just snap my finger and make everything okay again. But that's just not going to happen. I don't know what to do about it all. There are just so many things I want out of this life. So many things I want to be able to do. But I feel so lost at the moment. Everyone else has their head screwed on straight, mine came a little crooked.

The depression is the worst of it all. I felt so down and defeated yesterday. I feel like I'm slipping into the same results as yesterday. I don't know what's going on with this life. I'm not sure I ever knew what was going on in this life. I feel like I just want to sit down and cry most days. I know I'm just throwing a pity me party right now. I get that. I need to snap out of it. Need to get moving somehow. There has to be a way to be able to get through all of this nonsense that's going on in my life. I just don't know how I am going to be able to do it.

Hopefully therapy will be able to help me out. I feel like I'm terrible at this life and everyone else has it together. I know that's not the case, but that's what my brain is telling me. My brain tends to lie to me. I'm not a fan of it, in fact I hate it. There are so many things wrong with thinking that way. I wish I could figure out what's going on with this life. I'm not sure if I understand what to do about any of it. It would be nice to have a plan going forward. Man, I wish I could just break down and cry right now. But I know it wouldn't do me any good. That's just life, and if I can't figure it out, I'll figure it out someday.

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