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Life Is Hard

 Let's face it, life is hard. It's not the easiest thing to do or live through. There are so many obstacles that come up for a person and sometimes they feel they have nowhere to go. That alone feeling is the worst thing to feel. I've felt alone before, I feel alone now. There doesn't seem to be a way to make that feeling disappear anytime soon. I'm afraid to say I'm growing used to it. It's nothing new really. There doesn't appear to be any kind of escape from this loneliness. I'm not sure what to do with myself. It would be nice to have some kind of clue of what's going on. I know what's going on in my life at this current moment, that's not what I mean. I mean what's going on in an eternal perspective. Yeah that.

I doubt I will ever understand or grasp any of what I want to know. The answers simply won't come to me. They aren't meant to come to me. Who am I anyways? A nobody. It would be nice and all, but I just don't see it coming. How unfortunate for me at least. There's just no way of finding this out, finding any of it out. I just don't see it happening. Either God isn't listening, or He doesn't care. Somedays I wish there were plural gods, if one you prayed to wasn't working out you could switch it up.

Life doesn't seem fair somedays. I don't know how else to describe it. It's just something I've recognized over the years. Life gets in the way of so many things, and we are here wondering what's going to happen next to our pitiful existence. We are lowly humans after all, about the size of a grain of sand in the larger picture of things. I wish life wasn't this way but it is.

I don't feel like I have control over my own life most days. There's a lot of things to have control over, and I feel like I don't have control over any of it. My facial hair I do have control over, that and my head of hair. Both are getting long; it's time for a trim. Or a shave. I don't know how else to have control in my own life. It would be nice to be able to figure things out eventually. As of right now I don't have a clue. The anxiety and depression don't help any, that's for sure.

Seeking help is only part of the battle. I have a long way to go. It feels like an endless battle at times. I don't know how it will end. Or when it will end. But someday it will come to an end. Either by my doing or by God's doing. Take that as you will.

Feeling separated away from people I care about is not easy. I don't know how to handle it. I miss them all so very much and I am not allowed to be close to them. I'm supposed to just say "I get it" and all of that, but I don't I really don't. Oh well there's no point on dwelling on things that are past. Things that I have no control over. I wish things could have turned out differently. I have to accept the fact that they turned out the way they turned out and be done with it.

Sometimes I think this life just downright sucks. But that's my take on it. Everyone has their own opinion on the matter. No opinion is right or wrong. It's just an opinion.

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