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I Am So Depressed

 All I want to do is sleep but I can't even do that right. Just sleep through the day till the next day comes and sleep through that day as well. There's no point to this life. No point at all. They say we're here for a reason. Well what reason is that exactly? It doesn't make any sense to me. Nothing makes sense anymore to me at all. Why should it? Life never did anything proper for me to begin with. It just showed me how evil and bad it can be towards a person.

My inner monologue keeps fighting with me. I don't understand what the fight is about yet, but it just keeps doing its thing day in and day out. Wish I could get that under control. I have therapy coming up, too bad they can't prescribe medication. I need refills. Maybe I'll just go off of all my meds. Are they really doing anything to begin with? If I'm depressed right now, they aren't doing a damn thing.

Feels like I'm sinking. I don't know how else to describe it. Just feels like I can't keep my head above water at the moment. It would be nice to know what is causing all of this stress and tension within myself. I don't have a clue though. Too many things going on to pinpoint the single thing that's messing with me.

I don't want to live anymore. There seems no purpose in it. No reason for me to be alive right now. Why is that? Why are there so many issues in life that I can't seem to be able to grab hold of something and just hang on. I feel like I'm floating out of control right now. There's nothing keeping me grounded. Nothing keeping me sane. I'm losing it.

It would be nice to be able to wake up from this nightmare I have found myself in. Call it a simulation if you want. It's something. This can't be real life, can it? I don't get it. There's a lot I don't get or understand at the moment. Something's got to give at some point. Doesn't it? One would hope so. If not, then I don't know what we're doing here.

So many thoughts out there in my mind. None of them coherent. Every time I have a coherent thought, it feels like it fades away into darkness. Everything feels like it's falling apart. There's nothing left holding my life together except for some silly string and duct tape. Those aren't holding well together very good.

Seriously what is the point of this life. If it's just anguish and suffering, then I get it. Depression runs deep and I am not liking it one bit. Maybe there is a Hell and we're living in it. Ever think of that? I sure have many times. I simply don't know what to do.

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