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Showing posts from October, 2025

Anxious Today, WTF?

I am rather anxious today. I think it has to do with the medication(s) I am on at the moment. Doctor changed some medications, added some, did some other things put me back on medications I haven’t been on in a while…the same ol’ same ol’. Anti-Psychotic meds work wonders when they work, they’re amazing. When your mind doesn’t want them to work? Well, that’s when things become quite a problem. I hate to admit it, but life doesn’t always work the way we want it to work. What can I say? It’s a mess at times. There’s nothing wrong with that, but to say it’s not complex is a complete overhaul of whatever there is. Talk about a mixed bag of nuts. Someone doesn’t understand everything there is to understand about it all. If I wasn’t anxious, today would be a better day than it is. But, well I am so there’s nothing I can do about it. I wish there was…but there isn’t so I’ll just have to deal with whatever comes my way. Such a bummer if you think about it all. Nothing is ever cureable. Every...
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Happy Halloween

 Ah Halloween has come finally. We're only like two more holidays till Christmas. Talk about nuts. Kinda anxious about that one coming up, but what can you do about it. Not much I'm afraid. It will all eventually come. Personally, I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. That's always a good holiday. Full of good food and memories. But I'm getting ahead of myself, let the ghosts and ghouls have their fun for a night. Let them get all the sugar high they can. That's what's important tonight, right? All the sugar possible.
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Farscape

  Started watching Farscape last night. I've tired starting this series at least three times now. I don't know why I haven't been able to get into the show. I watched three episodes last night and the first three caught my attention right off the bat. I was able to watch and enjoy them without problem. Again, I don't know why I couldn't get into this show sooner. I've enjoyed the first three episodes so far. We'll see how the series goes. I've heard mixed reviews on it though. Some say it's a slow start to get into. Others have said that it's quite easy to get into and keep up with. I hope the latter is the case for me. I mean it has my attention now, so why wouldn't it keep it? That's the goal for me now at least. We shall see what happens. Whatever does happen I plan on watching the whole series no matter what. I like that they mixed Muppets with real live actors . It provides a little twist that just makes it neat. Some of the makeu...
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Thoughts Overwhelming

 So many thoughts today going on in my head. They are overwhelming at times. I don't know what to do about them. They're just there doing their thing without a reason or response to my query. I wish I had the ability to get rid of these thoughts, feelings, and emotions. But I don't know how to do that. They swarm in without letting me breathe. I can say things would be better, but would they really? I'm not so sure about that. Many times, in this life, I am confused about what to think about it all. I don't think there is an easy answer for any of it though, so I continue onward thinking things will just get better. Call me messed up, call me whatever you will. I know there are problems with me. There's no secret to that. It's not some kind of thing I tend to hide. Wishing one was dead isn't to be taken lightly. I know that. Yet it doesn't stop me from wishing that were the case. Death sounds like a nice escape from it all. Just to be on the other si...
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Def Not Doing Well

 Everything feels like I'm going to just start shaking no matter what. I can't control the feeling. I'm itching like crazy too. Woke up at 2 am this morning and could not get back to sleep for the life of me. I stayed awake for a good hour before finally falling back asleep. If these are medication withdrawals, I don't want them. I hate medication and if I'm feeling these symptoms because of going off my meds, then it's something else. I wish I could get past all of this. There doesn't seem to be a good reason for any of it. Scratch that, I know there's a reason. There's always a reason for something happening. Oh, it feels terrible. I know the answer. Go back on your meds. Well, I will when I have a chance to. I haven't had the chance to go see a doctor yet. That's part of the problem and reason why I'm not on my medication. Once I do that then it'll take another thirty days of the meds getting used to my system again, or vice versa...
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Crusade

 I've been watching the B5 spin-off series Crusade . Almost done with its one and only season. A shame it was cut short by TNT . I hear it was cancelled before it even aired. Talk about a sucker punch to the gut if you ask me. I know there are negotiations that have to go with these things. But wow, and a complete shame it couldn't be picked up by the Sci-Fi (SyFy) channel . Apparently, they looked at it but couldn't come up with a budget citing they had the budget set by January of that year already. So no, they couldn't do anything about it. A real shame. I don't remember liking the series the first time I watched it, all 13 episodes of it. Well, there was one I enjoyed, it's the one with the aliens saying they've been visited by humans, but it was a ploy of their own government to end civil wars. ( Visitors From Down The Street ) A second watch through and I am just loving this series. Maybe I wasn't paying attention to it the first time around. That ...
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Not Doing Well

 Woke up at 3:30 this morning. Been awake since. It's now 5 am. I don't know what to do about it all, I wish I didn't feel this way. But I do. it would be nice to be able to figure all of this out. Why am I awake so early? What am I doing up? There doesn't seem to be much to do at this early point in the morning. So, I'm watching Crusade . It's a spin-off of Babylon 5 . I just found out there are a handful of viewing orders for the show. Talk about a crazy thought. I get it though, the network wanted certain episodes aired before others. Mostly to capture viewer attention and interest. But if they don't make sense watching them in that order, why bother. All I know is watching a tv show can help distract my thoughts from what is considered normal. I'm not sure I understand what is normal these days. All I know is I miss someone. The love of my life. I've been away from her for over a month now and I cannot stand it. I want to get back to her so much...
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Sleeping is Weird

 I mean whoever thought sleeping would be a good thing was kind of a goofball. Sleeping for eight hours just to get up and do it all again. Whatever your daily mundane routine is, you get up and do it. There doesn't appear to be any rhyme or reason to it. I go to bed knowing what's coming the next morning. Get up, brush my teeth, get dressed. Shower if I feel good enough to do so. It all gets repetitive. But it is what it is I suppose. You have to do it in order for the day to get started. I mean I guess you could just sleep through the whole day, but that wouldn't accomplish anything now would it. No, I didn't think so. But we have to sleep in order to get through the night. Nothing good can happen if we don't get the right amount of sleep. Staying up late can be a bad thing as it hampers on the number of hours of sleep we get. Plus, we can wake up groggy the next morning due to lack of sleep. Personally, I would enjoy it if we didn't have to sleep. How much be...
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Babylon 5 - Am I Supposed To Hate Byron?

  Seriously, am I supposed to hate the character of Byron? I mean him as a character itself, not the actor of course. I'm not sure if he ended up being a martyr or not. With that gas explosion on Babylon 5. He was kind at times. He didn't want people killing in his name. Violence was not his way it would seem. He was saddened by what he did to the "mundanes" at the order of Bester. Now I don't particularly like Byron, in fact I enjoy Bester more than him. I can't explain it, I just do. That's how I feel about the whole thing. Bester intrigues me. Sure, he's a pain in the butt to everyone he comes across, but there's something about his character that I enjoy. But this article isn't about Bester now is it. No, it's about Byron. Maybe if we would have gotten Byron earlier on in the series, more stories to make him progress I would enjoy the character more? All he wanted was a better place for his people. He and the other teeps like him were p...
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Another Week

 So begins another week. Sunday is the first day of the week. It is well known. There isn't anything that can be said about it other than what it is. I've been thinking about something for a while now. I haven't written a new story in a long time. I don't believe I've written anything this year actually. That needs to change. I need to just sit down and write a new story. I'm not sure what it will be about. Maybe I should start up the Shuka Database idea again. That's been a while since I've done anything with that at all. 1998 Is so many years ago, that's when the idea was first conceived. Maybe I can do something with that. I don't know. I used to love writing. I don't know what happened to that. It would be nice to be able to figure something out about this. I don't know quite how to go about doing it. So many ideas for one concept that I want to get out there. But I have to write it all down first. There must be something I can do to...
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Babylon 5 Season Four

 Oh, Season Four, what have you done to me? It's been years since I watched Babylon 5. I'm doing a rewatch now and I'm in the midst of Season Four. I forgot a lot of things that went on. I remember not liking the whole Garibaldi story arc the first time around. I didn't like that he left B5 as security chief or anything like that. This second time I'm watching it, I understand more. I get why he did it. Bester's a jerk, but he's one of my favorite characters. I wonder how Sinclair would have been played out in this season had the actor been able to stay on. I understand the reasons he left; I get it. But it's still an interesting thought. Garibaldi's betrayal would have played out differently. Hit harder in that sense. The whole episode about Sheriden's interrogation is magnificent. It really captured what torture can do to a person, I think. Top notch writing. The stories make up for the cgi that's decades old. Such good story telling for su...
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Need To Find Peace

 I need to find inner peace. I have yet to find it. Too many thoughts don't allow it to take place or happen. I'm not sure what to do about it all. Peace can be found I know it can, I've had peace before. Where has it gone to? Instead, I get voices that want me dead. That's not peace. That's torment and torture if you ask me. I wish the voices would stop, then everything could be made whole again. When will I get that? When will it happen? Where is the peace.
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Worry

 Worry comes to me at times when I least expect it. I don't like it. I'm not a fan of it at all. I wish I could figure out exactly what is going on in these times of worry. But I'm not sure I am able to. So instead of figuring out what's going on with my head, I worry. I should be able to figure it out, maybe I just need more time. That could be a possibility. Worry is such an annoying thing to... worry about. Yeah, that sounded bad. But you know what I mean, right? Right?! With worry comes stress. Stressful situations arrive and there's nothing I can do about it. Anxiety follows suit and I feel like I want to just hide from the world. How can a person hide from the world with a blanket if there's no place to hide? Hiding isn't ever good I don't think. There are so many problems in this life that I cannot comprehend them all at once. Why must I deal with these things? I'm not sure I understand. There seems to be a lot of things going on in my head an...
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I Wish I Knew

 There are times in life when we just simply do not know how to move forward. I wish I knew what to do about those times that come up. Unfortunately, I do not know exactly how to handle them. There are so many things out there in the world that are difficult in these trying times. So many ways to go about doing the same thing. There doesn't appear to be a simple way to proceed without stomping all over myself. That's how I feel about it at least. I don't know how everyone else feels, maybe the same, possibly different. I don't know. I'm not sure I want to know. It probably doesn't really matter as it is now does it. Maybe it just doesn't matter. Maybe this life doesn't matter. I wish I could die and just move on from this place. Is that too much to ask? It hasn't happened yet no matter how much I plead with God for some kind of release from this life. I guess there's more for me to do. He's probably getting tired of hearing from me too. I kno...
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All Is Lost

 All is lost I can see it now nothing remains to be found I cannot lie it remains a mystery of how this life seems to be Things go past and then they die nothing survives the night If only a moment of pleasure exists to be found in a place deep within the soul
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Today Is A Brand New Day

 Woke up this morning at the usual time, hit snooze on my alarm clock till about 30 past the hour. Then I got up. Not too bad if you ask me. It's just a little bit of this and that. Nothing much. But one thing I know for sure is today is a brand-new day. There's an adventure out there somewhere to be found. I rather like that idea. An adventure. Who can turn down an adventure? I'm thinking no one. The weekend is upon us. A good weekend after a long hard workweek. I can deal with that. Resting will soon be mine. I look forward to it. Nothing much else is going on, just the usual status quo.
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My Mind Is Overwhelmed

 I am overwhelmed with thoughts at the moment. Too many thoughts to do anything about. I would like to be able to slow my thoughts down. But I'm not sure I know how to do that. I wish so many things were possible right now. But I'm not sure that is the case. If I could reach out, mind to mind with people that would be helpful. They could understand what is going on in my mind. Such things are not possible. I need to be able to calm down somehow. There doesn't even seem to be a way to do that properly. Well, if I can't even do that, I'm in a pickle.
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The Sun Always Rises

 Every day the Sun rises in the sky and wakes up the planet. There is no difference between days, it always seems to happen. The day the sun doesn't rise, we're in trouble as the source of heat for our planet is in danger and we're all doomed. Kinda scary if you ask me. I think there was something about if the Earth was like so many miles away from the Sun, we would all freeze or if it was so much closer, we would all die of heat. Something like that. Who knows if it's true. I haven't a clue. What's even my point. There has to be a point here, I just have to find it. Feels like I'm looking for something I haven't found yet. Whatever that is. It would be nice to be able to understand everything that is out there, but who knows what's out there? God knows. But I doubt He will tell us all what's going on or what's in the full plan of things. The Sun will either rise or it won't. There is no middle ground. We either live or we die. It's a...
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If This Life Won't Quit

 If life itself won't quit, then I must simply go along for the ride. There's nothing left for me to do. I fear it is all just a game. Someone is sitting by laughing at my misery and misfortune. They'll come for me eventually. There's nothing I am able to do about it. It would be nice to be able to figure things out, but as I've said I can't. There's nothing I am able to do. I feel so lost. Lost at sea without a life vest or boat. There's nothing I can do about it. It is a lost cause. I can only sit idly by and watch as my universe falls apart around me. My world is ending. Life came and went I sit and watch as it did so nothing else to do but watch waiting for something better to come out from it all yet I am unable to do so I am only here for a moment the next moment I am gone without a word to say a song to sing or a phrase to repeat everything must end things don't last forever this life is but a complex maze I wonder what it's like to see ev...
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Why is Suicide Frowned On?

 They say suicide is frowned on. Ending one's own life should be allowed for that person, shouldn't it? But no, people say it's against God and isn't natural and all of that. Is there a verse in the bible against suicide? I know there are stories in the bible about people killing themselves, but is there a specific verse that says thou shalt not kill yourself? I don't think there is one. There is the sin against murder, and killing yourself might be considered murder maybe? It's killing is it not? I'm not sure if that is even in the same space as the rest of it. What's it to God if I choose to kill myself? He placed me here, I get that. But that doesn't mean my life isn't my own to do with as I please. Or does it. It becomes quite confusing at times to think this through. What makes this life so special! I don't get it. We are here for a short while and there is nothing stopping us from ending it. If I understood everything, I wouldn't b...
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Why Do The Voices Want Me Dead?

 I hear voices, it's no news. Nothing new there. They want me dead. I've asked doctors why this is the case and they do not have an answer for this. It is quite annoying. I would rather have an answer to why they want me dead than no answer at all. I mean I specifically asked a psychiatrist why they want me to harm myself, and why do they want me dead. Her response? "I don't know." Do you realize how infuriating that can be?! Very much so. I mean it's no secret that I hate my life. That I think the government is after me for some unknown reason. They'll hunt me down and kill me at any given moment. I just know it to be true. It's not safe out there. Nothing is ever safe anymore. Why should it be safe? I mean there are terrible things happening every single day of the week. It's just that the news doesn't always portray what's going on in the world stage as it were. Local news? Sure, you've got that in plenty places. National news? Yep, ...
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Intrusive Thoughts

  Intrusive Thoughts have a tendency to come around when you least expect them to. They don't care about you or your life, what struggles you're going through. They just appear at random it seems. Sometimes during high points of stress in your life they come around more causing you must grief and pain. Anguish as it were. Let's get a definition from which we can base it all: Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that can suddenly pop into your mind, often causing anxiety or distress. They are typically violent, disturbing, or socially inappropriate in nature and can affect anyone, not just those with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). These thoughts can be quite common, with studies indicating that a significant portion of the population experiences them. So, there's the definition that I found while using Bing . They aren't just there for a specific group of people; they can be around for anyone really. Well, that's comforting in a way...
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Life Has A Purpose

 They say life has a purpose. It would be nice to be able to know what that purpose is. I mean there's the obvious answers. Believe in Christ, follow God, serve your fellow men. All of those things are good things I suppose but isn't there more to this life than what is given? I would like to be able to figure out this life. All of it at some point during my time here. Something just doesn't fit right with me, I don't know what it is but it's there and I feel uncomfortable. Everything has a purpose in my mind. If you are unable to figure out that purpose, then what is the point of living. I've often wondered why I am here on this Earth at this time. What's my purpose for being here. It doesn't make sense some days. It would be nice to be able to know the truth behind it all. Any truth would be good to have. I cannot for the life of me attempt to even figure out what that truth is. Currently it feels like I am drowning and there is nothing I can do about ...
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Make Life Meaningful

 There are times in one's life when it doesn't feel fulfilled. It doesn't feel like there's any meaning behind any of it. So, what are we to do when those feelings come upon us. What are we to do when we feel so lost and out of control that there isn't anything that can be done and we are lost. I'm not sure I have the answers to any of those questions. I do know that looking to God has helped. God will never leave us alone. He will always be there for us. His Son Jesus Christ gave His life for us so we can return to the Father one day, blameless without sin marking us. For no unclean things can enter the kingdom of God . It would be nice to always have the faith required to make it past this life. Sometimes I don't feel like I have the necessary faith to do that. I'm sure I'm not alone in these thoughts. There are billions of other people out there searching for the same thing I am looking for. Peace . Peace of mind , peace of heart , peace of so...
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Wednesday

 Well Wednesday has come around. What's there to say about it. I'm not quite sure. It's the middle of the week, that's for certain. I still think there should be a day off on Wednesday. Kinda like a middle of the week weekend, but not a weekend because those are the endcaps. Wednesday is the middle of the week, not an endcap. So many things to wish for and not enough time to make those wishes to happen in the first place. Pretty sure wishes aren't horses, but if they were there sure would be a lot of them sitting around. I can wish all I want and it doesn't mean something will happen because of my wishing. Not everything is guaranteed in this life, and that's okay. I understand that. It would be nice to be able to grasp something I could lean on for support. I'm not sure what that is though. Jewel said it the best: I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead. There's no other way to say it. Expecting to feel something is not enough. I can feel all I wa...
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Life Feels Impossible

 This life just feels impossible right now. I don't know what to do about it. I wish I did, but I don't. There just doesn't seem any hope right now. I need to be able to figure all of this out. Right now, I need it figured out. I don't know how to go about doing that though. If I had the ability to do something about these feelings, I would. But I don't think there's anything that can be done about it, not yet. Maybe someday I will be able to handle things better. My emotions are running high today. I don't like it. Mentally I am drained. Physically I am exhausted. There needs to be something I can do, anything that's possible has to be done. But what exactly is that? I don't know. If I knew, I wouldn't be trying to handle all of this as it is. So many things running through my mind and I don't have a clue how to deal with any of them. How do I let go of this pain and anguish? There must be a way to overcome all of this. Not all at once of co...
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When It Rains

 You know the phrase, when it rains it pours? Yeah that. Sometimes this life is so messed up I don't know what to do about it. People can be downright cruel at times. I don't see how they can live with themselves. How can a person be so hellbent on revenge to an innocent person when they haven't done anything wrong?! It doesn't make sense to me. I am so confused right now. I don't know what to do about anything. I am so mad my blood is boiling. My head hurts from the overthinking and everything else that is happening. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?! I can't go into details because of reasons. But hell, this is such a mess. I'm fuming that's what I'm doing. I can't believe this. I just can't believe any of this. It's a total utter mess. This world is a messed-up place. Small towns are the worst. Everybody is in everybody else's business. Friends that are out to get you are everywhere. Friends of friends on the other side of the line are bent o...
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Frustration

 Ever been frustrated ? The answer is probably yes. A lot of people have been that way, have felt that way from time to time. I am no different. I am frustrated now actually. I don't know what to do about it all. It's just something that will have to take its course and I will find myself less frustrated later on, I hope. There doesn't seem to be much I can do about it. Medication and prayer might help. I'm not sure. I'll try anything to make it go away. There's no point in not trying. So, I will try. Life has its challenges that we must overcome from time to time. Well, this is one of them. There doesn't seem to be a way out of it. I don't think there is at least. I have to go through hell in order to experience joy again. If that's all there is to it, I think I would hopefully understand it all more clearly. I'm not sure I fully understand it myself to be honest. Time will tell of course; it always tells what's going on eventually. There...
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I Feel Done

 Many times, over the course of one's life they can feel fed up with life. Or in fact done with it all. I feel done with this life. I'm just depressed. There doesn't feel like there's a way out of it at the moment. No reason to feel this way, but I do and I can't do anything about it. Why must I feel this way? I don't get it, I don't understand. Things that matter could be arranged differently. I guess. Maybe there should be something else I can do to take my mind off of it all. I don't know how to do that though. So many things in life don't really make sense to me. I get that. I mean why bother with any of it right now. There doesn't seem a reason to bother with anything. Is this sadness I am feeling? I cannot tell you if that's the case. If anything matters, I want it to show itself. I do not know if that will be the case. There has to be something I can do about it, anything really. Life is bombarding me with so much right now. I wish I c...
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I Feel Miserable

 Woke up this morning and I feel miserable. It's not anxiety, that's to come for sure. But I'm just stuffy and my eyes are watering, and my nose is running. I have body aches and everything else that I can't even think about at the moment. There's just too much to handle right now. I don't know how to deal with it. Then there are the dreams. Dreams that don't make sense to me. They occur though, often times at random. There's no rhyme or reason to any of it. So, I deal with them. Whatever happens in this life is meant to happen, I guess. Sometimes it feels like there's no one at the helm. No one at the wheel doing the thing to drive the ship. It's whatever, but it sure can be annoying. I don't know what to do about it. All I want to do today is sleep. I can't do that of course. Things have to be done. Life moves forward without you. There is no exception to the rule. If you can't allow it to move forward, you have to step aside to all...
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Life Is Like A Ribbon

 If you think about it, this life is much like a ribbon. It has a starting point and an end point. We don't know where the end point is until the scissors cut the ribbon and our life falls short and ends. Mostly resulting in death of some form or another. During this life we can experience many things along that ribbon line. Some things are good for us; other things are bad for us. Either way we experience things that can make us a better person or not. As we journey through the ribbon of life, we learn. We learn of marvelous things that can occur in this life. These experiences help us grow to become a better person. I prefer to look on the goodness that life brings at times. Sure, there are times where I don't think it brings anything good to me. But those times are far and few between. Life is but a huge experience that we look forward to. It would be nice if everyone thought life was wonderful. But not everyone has the opportunity to live a happy life. Sometimes life is dow...
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Maybe I Just Don't Care

 There are a lot of things in this life to worry and stress over. What if I just don't care about those things anymore? What happens to me then! So many thoughts and worries flow through my mind at any given time of the day, and I am stuck with whatever there is to be stuck with. I don't have the ability to quiet them. They rage on. It would be nice to be able to use my tools in my toolbox to combat these feelings and thoughts, but I just don't know how to go about doing it. I try the deep breathing exercises they give me a headache. There doesn't feel like there's anything I am able to do about any of it. Yet I continue on in this stupid misery called life trying to figure it all out. Talk about being messed up. My brain feels like it wants to explode. I honestly feel like breaking down and crying right now. But I know that's not an option. It never is an option. I have to be strong at some point in life, don't I? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Cry...
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Out Of Medication

 So, I've run out of my medication. I have nothing left. I don't know what to do about it. I am not a fan of how I am feeling right now. I wish I could just be better. But the anxiety and depression are fighting each other and that is not good. Nothing is good anymore. I am afraid of what it all will entail. But this life will continue onward without my say in any of it. So, I just have to deal with it until I manage to get back to a place where I can get more medication to help me out. Let's hope I don't go crazy in the meantime. Who knows what will happen. I don't suppose there's much else to say about it all. I simply do not know what to do. Will it all drive me crazy? I really hope not.
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More Dreams

 Had some crazy dreams last night. Some to do with an ex, some to do with my mental health. It was all wild. Frankly I'm glad I woke up; I don't like those kinds of dreams. Possibly things I worry about. I don't know. I was in a hospital for some of the dream. Like a mental hospital. Things seem to be creeping up on me, and I don't even realize it. I was talking to someone telling them I don't feel mentally fit for anything right now. I'd have to agree with that thought process. But I still forge forward and see what's out there. There's no point in stopping now. Going forward is really the only possibility in my life right now. If I were to stop, I would have to completely freeze time. There's no ability to do that though, you see. No one can stop time. No one can simply freeze that which is constantly moving forward at one second at a time. It must continue. There is no other reason for it but to move. We are but a sailing ship in the deep ocean of...
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What Is Truth

 Truth comes from different sources. There isn't one specific place to gather this information. It can come from religion or other means. It is important to listen to truth wherever it comes from. Let's ask Google what truth means. A fact or belief that is accepted as true. Well, that's not very interesting is it. It even uses true in its definition. That's all there is to it I suppose. I think it is a good thing to seek out truth wherever it comes from.
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Weekend Funzies

 The weekend is just about here. Talk about a relief. I enjoy the weekend. I can sleep in. If I do sleep in that is. Doesn't mean I will actually do that of course. Sleep isn't always guaranteed. Just like how I didn't sleep much last night. I kept waking up over and over again. It wasn't the most pleasant of experiences I've ever had in my life. Finally woke up at 3 am this morning. That wasn't the best thing to happen. But it did. Oh well, there's nothing like not sleeping to get you in the mood for a nice long nap I suppose. Who needs sleep anyway? Seriously. Wouldn't it be better if we didn't have to sleep? Somehow program it out of our systems. Now that  would be an interesting thing to happen. I guess if we were Cylons we could do that, but well we aren't. We're just human doing our human thing, living our human life. There's no replacement for any of that. Unfortunately. It's life that comes to us in so many different ways, an...
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Babylon 5 Destruction

 I always get emotional watching the last episode of Babylon 5. Especially the destruction of the station. There are so many good memories of the series that it's just emotional watching JMS flipping the switch and the station exploding as the last transport leaves. It's like oh the series is really over. The station has served its purpose not needed anymore. Was peace ever really achieved though? It makes me wonder. I've only watched the series once all the way through, I'm on a second rewatch. One of my favorite characters is Mr. Morden. I'm not sure why that's the case, he's creepy as all get out. I just know that he intrigues me for some reason or another. Kosh is also a mystery, but he's meant to be that way. He's an alien that no one seems to understand or grasp. The whole story arc is simply amazing. It was television ahead of its time. I'm glad it was made. Talk about a brilliant television series. It was one of the first serialized shows...
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Is It Worth It

 I have to stop myself from time to time and wonder if it's worth it. Well, I have to define what it  is to begin with don't I. Life. Is life worth it. That is the question I wish to answer. I don't know if I have all of the answers right now, but it's a good question to have on my mind. If life isn't worth it, what exactly are we doing here? It doesn't make sense to me. That's too easy of a phrase to utter. Things just don't make sense to a degree. They eventually will make sense to me, just not at this time. I'm always saying things don't make sense and that feels wrong somehow. I should stop saying things don't make sense and leave it at that. To wonder if life is worth it can be overwhelming at times. I'm uncertain about my future. I don't know how it will all go down, or how my future will unfold. There's no way of telling right now. It's rather an odd state to be in. I wish I could efficiently say what it is I am thinkin...
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In The Night

It's dark outside. It's nighttime. That means it is also bedtime. Nothing else matters in life but sleep right now. Sleep that will get me through the night. Everyone needs a good night's rest from time to time. There's nothing else that can compare to it. Without a good sleep we suffer the next morning and day. There's nothing else to it. If we fail that, we fail all the other things in this life and that is a bad step in the wrong direction. Sleep is essential to our survival. So, we must be able to sleep good and often. There is no two ways about it. Either you sleep or you don't sleep. There is no in-between. That is life. Night comes and goes long before you are able to see all that is there Do not hesitate on the fear that night won't bring you peace for it will bring you joy in the end Nighttime is a glorious wonder a time to be alive and yet asleep for in our rest, we find peace
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I Don't Care

 There are things I care about, and other things that I don't care about. A lot of things I don't seem to care about outweigh the things I do care about. Life can be a funny thing at times. Oh, forget funny, life isn't funny. There's no laughing about it. I feel like there is too much going on most of the time and I don't have the ability to keep up. It just doesn't work out that way. Talk about drama. I hate drama. It's too much to worry about. So, I choose not to care. What's the point in caring anyway? If other people don't care, why should I? Family members don't care about my mental health . Why should I care about it either. They don't even try to understand what is going on with me. There is no point in worrying about it. Not caring is probably my best go to option in the world right now. Hell, if you understood my position on things, you might not care either! There just isn't a possible way to make everything have sense in this l...
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Life Is Meaningless

 Life Is Meaningless. There's nothing I am able to do that will make it meaningful. So many things in this life and I have yet to even reach the tip of the iceberg. If I had an idea of what was going on with life, I would be able to tell you so. But I don't. I don't know how to make life meaningful in the slightest. It feels empty, an empty shell without the ability to speak forth words of truth. I should clarify my  life is meaningless. Life itself can be interesting, if that's the correct word for it. My  life is pointless as it comes about. I find things that are more pointless every day that I am here. What's the point of life if eventually everyone dies? That's what I would like to know. Everyone will die. There is no point to any of it. If everyone dies, then what are we all doing here. Some people try and stay alive as long as they can. They get ill, they strive to prolong their life. For what? What's the purpose of it all. To me there seems to be no ...
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