Maybe Life Isn't Worth It

Life can be so frustrating at times. Maybe it's just not worth going through the motions of anything anymore. Can I call it a day already? My mind is so messed up right now. I don't know what to do with any of it. It would feel much better if I could check out for a day or two. I don't know what else to do. Just allow me to check out seems nice. If I could allow that, and be able to come back, I think I would be okay. Sure, it's disassociation and I probably should avoid such a thing, but it feels like it needs to happen. I'm used to it, so why not.

I hate my life. I don't see how no one can see it. Am I keeping it deep inside far too long? I don't know.

Had some crazy ass nightmares last night. I dreamed I was in a mental hospital, but they were abusing the patients. It was like a warzone. I didn't like that nightmare at all. I would wake up and slip right back into the nightmare, it would continue where I left off. It was very disturbing to say the least.

Life feels kind of stressful at the moment. I hate it. I wish it all would end. However, that needs to be done. It just needs to happen. I'm sure I'll figure things out eventually. They can't always be bothering me. I hope they can't always be bothering me. It's something to consider. Something to think about maybe.

Until then I'll just keep writing whatever pops into my head and I'll have to deal with it. I hope I can keep reality separate from whatever my mind makes up. My therapist says I use disassociation as a coping mechanism. I'm sure that doesn't sound good in any way it's framed. Man, I feel so stressed. I feel like I have no one to talk to. It's annoying.

What is it about death that freaks everyone out? If someone wants to go, why can't they just go. No questions asked. I don't understand why this just can't be a thing. When it's your time to go, it's time to go.

Suicidal Ideation

Over the years I've had to deal with suicidal ideation. Those are thoughts of being dead, some more extreme than others. It causes issues for me a lot of the time. It's not an easy thing to talk about at all. Here's what it is: Suicidal ideation ( suicidal thoughts ) are thoughts or ideas centered around death or suicide . Experiencing suicidal ideation doesn’t mean you’re going to kill yourself, but it can be a warning sign.

Ever Wonder

Ever just sit and wonder about the things to wonder about? There are so many things that you can enjoy and think about or wonder about. It's just possible that you would be able to do such a thing. I'm not certain how it would go for you, as I am only a person. I don't know how you feel. So here we are, just waiting for something amazing to happen. It doesn't happen all the time unfortunately. It can be annoying at best.

Multidimensional Arrays

Ah Multidimensional Arrays. Nothing too crazy in JavaScript. Just a little bit of this and that. So typical arrays are fun and easy. You create them like so: var colors = new Array(); colors[0] = "Red"; colors[1] = "Yellow"; colors[2] = "Blue"; Well that's fine and dandy, but what if you want to associate something with each of those? For example, what if you wanted to create a menu? You'll need at minimum a link name and a target. We could do something like this: var colors = new Array(); colors[0] = new Array(); colors[0][0] = "red.htm"; colors[0][1] = "Red"; colors[1] = new Array(); colors[1][0] = "yellow.htm"; colors[1][1] = "Yellow"; colors[2] = new Array(); colors[2][0] = "blue.htm"; colors[2][1] = "Blue"; function createColors() { document.write('<ul id="colors">'); for (var i = 0; i < colors.length; i++) { var link = colors[i][0]; ...

DreamSense

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