Skip to main content

Life Has A Way

Life always has a way of doing whatever it needs to do. There’s nothing wrong with that thought process. It comes and goes without a second thought. We can’t easily figure out why life does this to us, we have to understand something at some point, but if we don’t? Well, no harm no foul. It’s life and we have to continue going forward to see everything that is out there. There’s nothing we can do about it. Life will move foreward without the ability for us to do anything but wonder what this life will eventually be like in the far distant future. Oh what a joy that could bring about. If life has a way, we will be able to get from point a to point b in no time at all. It feels like a circle at times. A = B = C, isn’t that what the crazy future guy in Star Trek: Voyager tried to explain? Yeah, something like that. It’s quite an interesting thought process to be sure. It’s life though, nothing can be done about it. So let life be what it wants to be, there’s nothing wrong with that tho...
Post a Comment

Maybe Life Isn't Worth It

 Life can be so frustrating at times. Maybe it's just not worth going through the motions of anything anymore. Can I call it a day already? My mind is so messed up right now. I don't know what to do with any of it. It would feel much better if I could check out for a day or two. I don't know what else to do. Just allow me to check out seems nice. If I could allow that, and be able to come back, I think I would be okay. Sure, it's disassociation and I probably should avoid such a thing, but it feels like it needs to happen. I'm used to it, so why not.

I hate my life. I don't see how no one can see it. Am I keeping it deep inside far too long? I don't know.

Had some crazy ass nightmares last night. I dreamed I was in a mental hospital, but they were abusing the patients. It was like a warzone. I didn't like that nightmare at all. I would wake up and slip right back into the nightmare, it would continue where I left off. It was very disturbing to say the least.

Life feels kind of stressful at the moment. I hate it. I wish it all would end. However, that needs to be done. It just needs to happen. I'm sure I'll figure things out eventually. They can't always be bothering me. I hope they can't always be bothering me. It's something to consider. Something to think about maybe.

Until then I'll just keep writing whatever pops into my head and I'll have to deal with it. I hope I can keep reality separate from whatever my mind makes up. My therapist says I use disassociation as a coping mechanism. I'm sure that doesn't sound good in any way it's framed. Man, I feel so stressed. I feel like I have no one to talk to. It's annoying.

What is it about death that freaks everyone out? If someone wants to go, why can't they just go. No questions asked. I don't understand why this just can't be a thing. When it's your time to go, it's time to go.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Schizoaffective Disorder

I want to say it first began in High School when I thought I was trying to beat the devil. Now when I say I was "trying to beat the devil", I mean I actually thought I was hearing the devil speak to me at night and that I had to find some way to overcome him. Looking back I should have sought professional help then. I remember telling a friend about this experience, and he looked at me like I was nuts. Talk about craziness right? Yeah something like that. I believe my first mental break was when I was serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints . I wanted to go home so bad. It could have just been homesickness . But...there was something more to it. About halfway through I was just done with it all. I had had enough of rejection and wanted to go home. But I was afraid that I was unable to because I would simply be told no . I know that sounds silly to people. But that's what happened. I didn't b...
Post a Comment
Read more

Didn't Sleep

 What's the point of sleep anymore if I can't sleep? I don't think I slept any good last night. I was awake at 3 am wondering to myself, what on earth am I doing awake? Yeah, that happened. It doesn't make any sense. Fortunately, it's the weekend. So, I can catch up on sleep tonight. I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, so it's a good opportunity to actually sleep for once. Whatever the case, I hope I'll be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. We will see what happens.
Post a Comment
Read more

ColdFusion

So recently, I decided to include ColdFusion in my Linux setup. I was going to just run Tomcat and install CF that way, but well I decided against that route and installed ColdFusion 9 using the regular methods. It's been running quite smoothly if I do say so myself. I of course don't have the installation instructions anymore. Oops. I suppose I could Google for them again and make a copy or something. But well if my server ever crashes and I have to start all over again, yeah I'll worry aobut it then. FOr now, not so much. So here's my current setup: MySQL PHP Perl ColdFusion 9 Yeah something like that. Not too bad if I do say so myself. Of course what else would I say about it? You know I wouldn't ever say anything bad about my own server setup. Well unless I already have, if that's the case. Oops. Disregard that blog post. So yep, I think I'll have some fun with all of that for sure.
Post a Comment
Read more