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Showing posts from April, 2026

Blast From The Past: August 9, 2019

What In The World? Aug 9, 2019 So there are thoughts that cannot be shared at times. Life doesn’t do what you want it to do. Life happens and you just have to deal with whatever comes your way. There’s nothing wrong with that thinking, it just happens to be that way. So life comes along and you have to decide what you’re going to do with it. You just have to think and do. Sometimes, there’s no thinking. You just have to do.

KISS

Keep It Simple Stupid (No Really) From time to time I find it amusing what kind of code can be written and what code actually gets passed through to a production setting. Most of the time it’s something I’ve written myself. Ever look back to a project you worked on a long time ago? That’s a scary thought now isn’t it? You take a look back and go… how did that ever work? You also might think, what in the world was I thinking when I coded that? Awful Markup Back when I first started learning HTML it was the standard to have all of your tags in uppercase. Uppercase! I suppose someone wanted to establish content from presentation or structure. Yeah structure. HTML isn’t a presentation layer, that would be CSS. Looking back at that code I cringe. Why would anyone ever even want to code in all uppercase? It didn’t make any sense. Not only does it hurt the eyes to look at it, but it’s also hard to read. Method Lengths How long should a method be exactly? I’ve read that methods should be ...

Idiots Are Silly, Don't Be One

Don’t Be An Idiot Introduction You were probably sent here because you asked a question somewhere someplace and were given the instructions to read through this document first before proceeding to ask another question. It’s not your fault that you were stupid enough to ask such a question in the first place. It happens. The key takeaway point of this page is to learn what not to ask. Once you can tackle that part down you’ll be good to go. If you don’t understand what that even means? Well don’t worry we’ll get there. Over the years I’ve spent countless hours on websites geared in a Q&A approach to a community. Person A asks a question that is answered by persons B and C and so forth. I’ve learned a few things from reading peoples comments and have decided to write down what I’ve learned so that you, dear reader, will know what not to do. Tools You have tools around you. Use Them . I can’t stress this enough. Before you even think about asking a question do the following: ...

Money Woes

Money is the root of all evil, you know that saying. Well it’s true. There aren’t things that can be done in this world without money involved in some way shape or form. It would be nice if money didn’t make the world go round. But that’s not how this life works. Money is needed in order to make things happen. You want to go to Hawaii? You must have money in order to get there. You want to live? Buy food? Pay bills so you can survive? Yeah, money is required for all of that too. Funny how that tends to happen. I mean life has a silly way of making a person think about it. Money can do that to a person. That’s simply how this life works I’m afraid.

Can't Say Mormon

Just a timeline of events regarding the word “Mormon” and how it’s not allowed to be said anymore by members of the LDS Church. Some think President Nelson was inspired or had a revelation to cancel out the word Mormon. Others believe it was a pet peeve since the 90s and when he finally became president of the church he could do anything he wanted. His wife even made a statement about how he could do things he always wanted to do: “I have seen him changing in the last ten months,” said Sister Nelson. “It is as though he’s been unleashed. He’s free to finally do what he came to earth to do. … And also, he’s free to follow through with things he’s been concerned about but could never do. Now that he’s president of [the Church], he can do those things.” 1 Take of that as you will. April 1990: Then Elder Russel M. Nelson gives a talk “Thus Shall My Church Be Called” emphasizing the full name of the LDS Church, even The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints October 1990: Presid...

Smallville

I started watching Smallville again after pausing mid-season 6 after so many years. Let’s just say it’s been a while since I watched the show. It’s literally been years. But I wanted to give it another shot. Because why not? After Smallville I think I’ll tackle Supergirl. Yeah, I’m on a Superman kick right now. Or is it a DC kick, ’cause some Batman would be rocking too! I’m not really into the other aspects of what was known as the Arrowverse. So I probably won’t explore much beyond what I have planned. That can always change though, there’s no telling what’ll happen to be honest. I just finished watching the episode where the kid can read minds. He of course finds out Clark’s secret because, hello mind reader! But he was pretty chill about it. He didn’t go and blab it all over town. Probably because he has his own secret to protect. I kind of wish they could have kept the kid as a side character. But the focus is on Clark and his tuning in his powers, not some sidekick. But yeah, C...

Simulation

Introduction Psychosis is a mental health condition involving a loss of contact with reality, characterized by symptoms like hallucinations, delusions, and disorganized thinking. It often progresses through three stages—prodrome (early signs), acute (active symptoms), and recovery—and can be caused by mental illness, extreme stress, or substance misuse. 1 Okay, take that and mix it with severe depression. Guess what you have when you do that … me. That’s right! You guessed correctly. If you didn’t guess that, then you are cheating and, well, I don’t know what to tell you about that. What Is Reality? Let’s start at the beginning. What exactly is reality to begin with? I suppose it can be many things to many different people. Isn’t that were the trouble begins with psychosis? Ones thought of reality differs from what everyone else thinks reality is? Yeah, something like that. I have a strong belief that we are living in a simulation. That’s to say, none of what we are existing is ...

Dear Dad

Dear Dad, Oh, where to begin. I’m frustrated at the moment and I have no one to talk to about it. Make things difficult at times if you think about it. It would be nice to be able to just talk about whatever is on my mind. But I feel like I need to have a guard up at all times. I don’t know why that is. Is it fear that’s keeping me away from doing what I want to do? I don’t know. There appears to be too many variables about it all. Some of thos evariales I don’t have any control over. I’m not even sure I can talk about it to you. Whatever it is that’s troubling me, I just want it to go away. But isn’t that how it always goes? A person just wants everything to be handled or go away the way it’s meant to? Yeah, something like that. So, I guess I’ll just have to keep these thoughts to myself and worry about them until I can find a way to make them go away. Either they’ll go away by themselves or I’ll force them to go away. That about sums it all up I think. Good talk, I guess. Love, ...

The Price We Pay

Everyone pays a price for living in this world. That’s not to say it’s an easy thing to do, on the contrary. Life can be downright difficult at times. But, whoever said this life would be easy? I don’t think anyone has ever come to that conclusion. If they have, they are in error. If I had the ability to make this life easier, I’m not sure if I would or not. Maybe I’m just a lost soul on this whole path. With no place to go, and at times that troubles me. If there’s anything I’ve learned in this life it’s this: Nothing comes easy, nothing comes cheap. There’s always a price to pay eventually. I wish there was an easy fix for everything in this life. But things come at a cost. There isn’t a clean fix for everything right here and right now. That’s just how this life is. Thinking about all of this makes me sad on the inside. I would rather not think about things, but such is the nature of the beast. These things demand they be thought about and discussed. I’m not sure if I trust my ...

Superman and Lois (Spoilers)

Talk about an amazing show. I was hooked from the start. It took a new unique approach on Superman and Clark Kent. Not to mention, Lois, Lana, and the rest of the gang. Of course then there are Jordan and Jonathan, the children. Hell even Lex Luther was amazing in this show. But, there is one character that was beyond amazing, and it’s one of the villains. That’s right, I’m talking about. Doomsday. This show did something right with the character. They kept killing the subject over and over until it became Doomsday, an unkillable creature. Just like the comics. Sure in the comics they started with a baby on Krypton. But Superman and Lois’ way of doing it is acceptable to me as well. It felt like each season built upon previous seasons. Lois’s breast cancer, Clark’s human heart. When they both died in the finale, it broke my heart. Superman isn’t supposed to die, but well the way the storyline went, he did; and you know what? I’m OK with that. Lois also died from her cancer that came ...

Over Thinking

What Do You Do? What is the point of living if you are miserable most of the time? Say you have to go through dialysis twice to three times a week. What’s the point of living? You’re tethered to a machine three times during the week without any kind of escape. Feels like at some point all hope is lost and goes out the window. So, what do you do at that point in life? I mean do you simply give up and call it quits? I’m not sure what the answer is for that. I feel heartbroken not being able to reach out and help those who need my help. If I had a way to do it, I would. But I’m not sure if I know how to go about doing that. I feel stuck in a place without anywhere to go. Without anyway to overcome whatever it is I am feeling right now. These feelings suck to be honest. Wishing Wishing my dad was here to help doesn’t make matters easier. I still have him in my phone, his phone has long since been disconnected. I’ll never hear his voice again. Wishing never did a damn thing for me. I fe...

Let Me Die

Let death come for me. I feel done. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone out there, but that’s how I feel. Life can be so upsetting at times. Upsetting and overwhelming. I don’t know which is worse if I’m being honest about it. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to die. Stare death in the face as he comes to take my soul wherever souls eventually go when we leave this existence. But dying comes with a price, that’s experiencing dying. I have a fear about dying. I fear the actual process of dying. I don’t want to feel death. There’s a term for being obsessed with death and fear of dying. It’s thanatophobia. So that’s a thing. It would be nice not to worry about dying. I don’t know how to do that. I see life in a very black and white methodology. It’s not for everyone, not everyone sees life that way. But that’s how I see life. Kinda strange? Maybe. Perhaps not. Eh, it’s a thing. I don’t know how it all works, just that’s how I live life. But what’s living life exact...

Death Among Us

Some say that death is the ultimate boundary to cross. It’s something we all must eventually face. There’s no lie to those thoughts. They are actually truthful as there is truth in them. Sometimes we have to wonder when death will take us. How it will take us. Why it will take us. Well, I suppose why is already known. People just grow old and die. Sometimes there’s no rhyme or reason for any of it. When death comes knocking, you have to go. There’s no turning back. Once you go through that door you have to keep on walking. They say when you’re going through hell you have to keep on walking. Sometimes hell is all we have. that’s not to say it’s a bad thing. On the contrary, it could mean so many different things all at once. I wish I had an example of it, but alas I don’t. I think there’s a lot of things I don’t grasp or understand in this life. It would be nice to be able to figure out what’s going on most days. But I doubt I’ll ever be that lucky. Maybe this life isn’t meant to b...

Story Of My Life

They say time comes and goes as it pleases, but we have to make the determination to make choices in this life whether they be good or bad. But what exactly makes a choice good or bad? Who decides that? Who is the goto for everything that is either good or evil? The black and white thinking can be the death of me at times. I can feel it in my bones. There doesn’t always seem to be a simple solution to the question at hand. Sometimes we have to simply wing it, whatever comes our way and be prepared as best we can before everything blows over, and we’re caught in the thick of it all. For once, I think it would be nicde to be able to simply figure things out as they come to me. But that’s not how this life was made. Perhaps I’m made to be broken. If that’s the case, what is the purpose of it all? Doesn’t quite make sense to me. It feels like I’m in a trance at times. There’s nothing wrong with me, at least I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. But who’s to even say if there is?...

Unprecitable

Life can be scary at times. I don’t know how else to say it. I hate being told what to do how to think or act given any kind of situation. But here I am with these fears that make it impossible to wind down at night. I just woke up to a loud banging from somewhere above or next to my apartment. I want to feel safe here, but now I’m not so sure if I can. That’s what’s scary about life most times. It’s unpredictable. It would be nice to be able to try and not worry about life and all of its misconceptions. But I don’t know how to do that. Maybe I’m not meant to understand the ways of the universe as it were. Not yet at least. If I can’t feel safe in my own home, where can I feel safe at? I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt safe in a place I’ve lived. There are too many variables that can happen. So many things that can take place. It’s down right scary at times. Yet I manage to muddle through somehow, heaven knows how I do it, but I do. It would simply be nice if I could calm down for a m...

Anxiety Sucks, It Can Go Away

 I have social anxiety. It sucks. Like sucks bad. I wish there was a simple way to simply get rid of it, but there isn't. That's just how this life works I guess. There's got to be a way to handle it better than I currently am. But I don't know how to do that. It just comes with the territory I think. Would be nice to know  exactly  how to deal with it all.  Social anxiety (or social phobia) is an intense, persistent fear of being watched, judged, or rejected by others in social or performance situations. It causes extreme discomfort, leading to avoidance of social interactions, physical symptoms like rapid heart rate or sweating, and significant interference with daily life, work, or school. Welp, there's  one  definition for it. I'm sure there are others but they all end up saying the same thing. What they don't tell you is what you're feeling as you experience your surroundings. Now that's a completely different topic entirely. 

I Want It To End

 There are so many things in this life that I wish could end. My life being one of them. I know it's not a good thing to think about or obsess over. But hey this is life and that's what happens in life. Call it depression, call it anxiety, call it a mixture of the two. Call it whatever you want. But I want to die. I don't expect anyone to understand my reasons for wanting death over life. Maybe it's because I miss my dad so much, I want to be with him on the other side. There's nothing for me here. Not anymore. I mean what can be done about this? I fear there's nothing that can be done. I feel so lost without the ability to do anything about it. So lost and afraid and alone with my thoughts. Such thoughts can be dangerous to have. I don't know if I have the ability to overcome these thoughts. They constantly bother me, they annoy me. I need to figure out a way to move on. Move On. What an odd combination of words right now considering I'm moving. It woul...

Dear Dad

Dear Dad, I miss you. I don’t know how many times I can say it. I miss you so much. I need my dad. Decisions come and go I get that, but those decisions aren’t enough. Not when it comes down to missing my dad. I know there’s nothing I can do to bring you back from the dead. It’s rather permanent. I wish death wasn’t like that. I wish I could bring you back from the dead on so many different occasions. I can sit here and wish all day and nothing would come from it. That’s what this life is all about I suppose. We live, learn, and die. There’s no escape from any of it. I suppose that’s what I get for wanting the impossible. So, here I sit day in and day out wishing for something that I have no control over. Not having control over something .. feels so distant. I can’t do that. So many things in this life that I don’t have control over. I need to have control over something, anything in my life. I guess I might never know the answer to any of it. I need to accept that. Love, Kyle

Voices And Hallucinations

The Voices Are Real There are times in life when I hear voices in my head. They are real to me and I don’t know how to stop them from speaking. At times, they can be present, other times they are down right mean and evil. I don’t seem to have any control over what they say to me. Some are demanding that I take action or do something. I am not a fan of these command type voices. Not All Voices Are Bad There seems to be a misconception in the fact that all voices in my head are bad. This is not always the case. Some voices are quite innocent in nature. I wouldn’t call them friendly, but they are not mean or evil. I recall living in a house with a voice that would giggle as she played on my keyboard. I could hear the keys clacking as she played with them. Then she would call out for her mom. It was so clear, there was no mistake she wanted her mom. I never did hear the mom respond or anything like that. The Mean Voices Then there are the mean voices. These are the ones that tell me I...

Article Of Faith 8

We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God. I find it interesting that it states specifically that the bible is believed to be the word of God if it is translated correctly. There are so many bible translations out there. Some are easier to understand than others. The LDS Church follows the King James Verison (KJV) of the bible. Is this because it’s the version Joseph Smith grew up with and had on his shelf? I don’t know the answer to that question. It then goes on to state that we believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God. Notice there isn’t a catch on that one. It is assumed the book was translated correctly and is the “most correct book” on the face of the Earth. It is a “keystone” of the churche’s religion. The Book of Mormon is one thing that sets this religion apart from the others. The book doesn’t replace the bible, it adds to it. Well it’s a companion to the bible, it do...

Article Of Faith 6

We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth I believe this stems from the following scripture in the bible: And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: 1 It’s interesting the article states both pastors and evangelists , neither of which appear in the LDS Church today. They aren’t offices of the priesthood that you can achieve. Perhaps they are simply titles that aren’t really used? I’m not sure. According to Google, pastors are bishops and evangelists are patriarchs in the LDS Church. Interesting thought if you ask me. In Matthew, we find: And I say also...

Article Of Faith 7

We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth. There are churches out there that believe in the gift of tongues. But they believe in speaking in strange tongues not what the LDS Church believes and teaches. The LDS Church believes that the gift of tongues is to easily learn a different language. In the MTC they teach different languages on what I consider a fast track method. The Holy Ghost makes it possible for this to happen. This kind of gift was spoken of in Acts chapter 2 on the day of Pentecost: And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them ...

Mission Life

I served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1998 to 2000. I served in the Florida Orlando Mission. Missions are hard. They aren’t for the faint of heart. It’s hard work going door to door day after day trying to convert people over to a religion that you may or may not believe in. I know I wasn’t fully converted like I thought I was at the age of 19. If I had drank the kool-aid more, maybe I would have been more prepared. But here’s the thing, you can’t be prepared for constant rejection. No matter how hard you try, rejection just stings however it comes to you. You have to grow a thick skin and let it roll off your back early on. Then there was the constant fear of doing or saying the wrong thing. A mission is very structured in what you can or can’t do. So many rules to follow and obey. Strict obedience was key to success, or so they told me. I wonder how I could have made things different. I’m not sure if I could have. I can say that I tried my bes...

Living Life

Life Is Messy Let’s face it, life can be messy at times. That is to say it’s difficult. There isn’t anything you can do about it to make this life easier. I wish I could understand why this life is so difficult at times, but I don’t have the answers to those questions. So many questions in this life where the answers aren’t plain as day. That’s the problem with life at times. The answers aren’t always clear. If I had the ability to figure life out, I think I would have figured it out a long time ago. Unfortunately, I don’t have that ability. I don’t think anyone has that ability. If they did, well no one’s coming forward saying they can do this or that and make life better simply by existing. If we simply exist, you would think we would be able to figure out something about this life. I don’t know what that something is. The Journey Life is a journey. It’s a long one, and it’s not always easy. But it’s worth it. The journey is what makes life worth living. It’s the ups and down...

Life Is Hard

 Let's face it, life is hard at times. I don't know how else to say it. I mean there are just times in life that doesn't make sense. I'm not quite sure I can understand everything that happens or goes on. I wish I had the ability to grasp something, anything to make things have sense. Some kind of sense is all I'm seeking for. If I could find a way to make this life better, I would make it work out for me. But again, I don't know how to do that. Maybe I'm not meant to understand anything. Is that possible? I think it quite is. So many things I wish for and I can't seem to manage to make things work out for me. I guess I'll never know what's going to happen in life. I don't think anyone ever knows what the future will hold. They can take a wild guess at what might take place or happen, but there's no real telling what  will  happen. 

Mental Hospital

000 Timmy Such an evil fog out and about. Timmy walked around his parents property with his dog, Chuck. They stared up at the sky looking for anything that might give clue as to what was going on. That’s when he appeared. Timmy dropped his baseball. The man stared at Timmy then to the dog. “Don’t be afraid boy.” The man said quietly. “I’m not here to hurt you…just to warn you.” Timmy swallowed the saliva that had been building up in his mouth. The man was creepy wearing only black, and missing his right eye. “That’s right boy, I’m not here to hurt you.” The man smiled. His crooked teeth hadn’t been brushed in years. His hair wasn’t combed neatly. Hell he was almost bald. “Don’t board the bus.” Timmy looked at the man. His eyes grew. Bus? Timmy didn’t know of any kind of bus. He look behind him and all around. Upon turning back to the man, he was gone. Disappeared. Timmy walked home quickly. The bus would eventually come much later in Timmy’s life…the only question is would he ...