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Blast From The Past: January 7, 2020

Tue Jan 7 19:39:37 MST 2020 Let’s talk about today than shall we? I’d like to think it would be a nice moment in time if we could simply get along with everything that happens in this life, yet I doubt it will. It’s a shame if you think about it. A real shame. But what are you going to do with any of it? No one knows exactly. So here we sit waiting for something better to come along, hoping for something to happen and allowing us to actually see what is real and what isn’t.
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Frack

 Whoever is fracking with me better stop it. My mind is a mess already. If there are actual demons in this life, and they are making it hell. They need to stop it right now. I don't need this in my life. I don't need any of it. I sure as hell didn't ask for any of it either. Who asks to have a mental illness? Honestly.

I live with this every day of my life. There's no way around it. I can only move through it and hope I'll be sane on the other side of whatever hits me next. There needs to be something I can do to get feeling better. I just don't know what that is. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Taking my meds and all of that. So why isn't it better? It feels like it's getting worse. Like I'm slipping. Like I'm losing a grasp on reality.

Life doesn't feel real to me. It's all fake made up for my brain to process whatever it wants to process. It won't stop until I find a way to make it stop. Whoever is running this show, needs to make it stop. I don't want to live in this fantasy world anymore. There are so many more things I can be doing than living in this life. None of this is real. I don't understand why other people don't see that. Can't they tell they're living in a fake world? Something that's a simulation? If not, they should. People need to wake up and fight back.

I hate this feeling that there's so much more to this life than what we're presented with. There's so much more to explore and think about. Things to see and possibilities to explore. But I'm not sure how to access any of it. In my dreams I see it all. It's crystal clear. But then I wake up and everything is a foggy soup again. Why can't life be like my dreams. Things would be so much simpler. I guess we can't have it all.

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