Skip to main content

Waking Up Early

 Woke up at 4:30 again this morning. I don't know what's going on. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. I simply don't get it. If I did, I wouldn't be questioning any of this. But here I am wondering what the heck is going on. When I wake up, I can't fall back to sleep. So, I tend to get up. So yeah, I've been up since 4:30 this morning.

Being awake so long gives me time to think about things. A bit overthinking has happened as well; I'm not a fan of that part of it. But it is what it is. Someday I'll figure things out to where I don't overthink anything and I'll be more stable. But that's just how life is right now. There's nothing I can do about it, it would seem. At least it doesn't look like I can do anything about it right now.

There are so many things to learn over again. I'm not sure how that will look or what I'll be doing. But I need to learn a lot of things over again. I'm pretty sure I can take care of myself. Like maybe 98% certain that I can do it. I sure hope I can do it because if I can't? I'm lost. I'm sure I'll figure things out again. How difficult can it be?

I miss having a companion. Someone who's there each day. But this is a new chapter in my life, and I have to be able to stand on my own. There are so many things that I don't understand about life. I wish I could understand them, because if I did, I could move forward properly. Right now, it feels like I'm in a rut. I'm scared, alone, afraid, and I don't have a clue how to get out of it. There has to be a way to do this without losing my mind.

Can I just give up right now? I'm not sure I can. I don't know how any of that works. It would be nice to be able to figure things out but not go overboard right now. I can't handle the stress that is currently my life. There's so much stress in my life right now. I wish I could get over it. The anxiety needs to go away, that much is for certain. Maybe I just don't know what I'm going on about.

There's so much to this life that I don't know. It needs to stop. Either I learn something, or I just forget it all. I don't know which one is better for me. So many wishes in this life and I don't have a one that will come real. Maybe my wishes aren't small enough. It would be better to have manageable ones, I guess. Kind of like goals. Keep them small and manageable. Isn't that how it goes? Yeah, something like that.

Maybe I'm just fooling myself. It's quite possible for me to do. I've done it in the past, so why not now. There has to be a way to get over this. Whatever it is, I need to be able to figure things out. But there's always the question of, what if I don't figure things out? What happens then. Well, I don't want to be living on the street, so hopefully I'll be able to figure something out. Anything would be acceptable at this moment. You never know what's going to happen though. So many possibilities are out there. It all makes me want to scream. But I have to remain calm, cool, and collected. There's no other way about it. That's all there is to it I think. I have to keep my head about me.

Easier said than done. Most things are that way. Easier said than done. But you know it's possible to figure things out eventually. Who knows how my life will turn out. I don't even know that. I'm sure I'll find out eventually when it happens. But not right now. Right now, I'm just flying by the seat of my pants.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suicidal Ideation

 Over the years I've had to deal with suicidal ideation. Those are thoughts of being dead, some more extreme than others. It causes issues for me a lot of the time. It's not an easy thing to talk about at all. Here's what it is: Suicidal ideation ( suicidal thoughts )  are thoughts or ideas centered around death or suicide . Experiencing suicidal ideation doesn’t mean you’re going to kill yourself, but it can be a warning sign.
Post a Comment
Read more

An Opposition In All Things

Long has been the story told about how there must be an opposition in all things. From the pre-existence there was Satan, Lucifer the Son of the Morning. In the beginning we were with God in his presence. We learned all we could while there. Until the moment we couldn’t progress any more, we were unable to become like God. So, we were given the opportunity to come to Earth to gain a body. A Savior would be provided to atone for our sins enabling us to come back to the presence of God. The idea that an opposition must be in all things comes from 2nd Nephi: For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither...
Post a Comment
Read more

Temptation Bible vs Book of Mormon

In the Bible in 1 Corinthians 10:13 we find: There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able ; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. But what might seem as a contradiction is found in Alma 13:28 But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear , and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering; So, which is it? Either God tempts you to a point and stops, or you have to actively pray not to be tempted beyond that no return point. Which is it?
Post a Comment
Read more