Somedays You Have To Wonder

 There are many things in this life that really don't make any sense, and you have to wonder about it. I come across days where I know nothing is making sense. I wonder why that is. Why is it happening to me. What can I do about it to make it better. Those are the types of questions that pop into my head. But it's not enough to just think about them. It's quite more important than that. You have to actually take action and do something about them. You can't just let them sit there wondering all their life if they matter. Joking aside, you have to do something, so they don't take over your thoughts and emotions.

Emotions can carry a lot of weight in your mind. More than you'd like I wager. Thoughts can do that too. Too many thoughts and you're stuck there for a while trying to sort through them, as you drown. Drowning doesn't feel or sound like a good idea does it. No, I didn't think so.

Trying to figure out my own emotions are annoying at times. Disassociation comes along and I haven't a clue what I'm doing, where I'm at, or how to get out of it. It's a real thing that I have to deal with. Some days I wish I could just close my eyes and make it all go away. Wouldn't that be nice. Make it all just go away with the blink of an eye. Life doesn't happen that way though. It comes at you in waves, waiting for you to come crashing down with it.

I wouldn't be the one to say life is against you. On the contrary, it is rooting for you. Life wants you to succeed. There's nothing wrong with that. Succeeding in life is what most people want out of this existence. That's quite commendable to seek after.

What kind of crisis is this?

There are times where you feel like you're going through a crisis. You don't know what is going on exactly, just that there's something wrong and you're going through it. Are you simply going through the motions, or is it more? I wager it's more than just going through the motions of life. There can always be something much more than that. It sucks. Life isn't meant to be jerking you around like this. I bet it's not even life doing it. Some other emotion is causing you to act like this. Some outside force is making all of this happen. It needs to be made known either to your inner thoughts, or your other thoughts. Either way it just needs to be made known.

To say there's more to this life than what there currently is, is saying something big. There's always something more than eye level. You have to look deeper to see what all there is about this life that's going on. Without that, you aren't able to see the trees in the forest.

Yeah, I might have gotten that last phrase wrong. I think it's meant to point out that you don't see the bigger picture. But what if you see the bigger picture and you need to see the smaller picture instead. Yeah, I think that suits it quite well. There's nothing wrong with that line of thinking. I mean I thought it up so of course there's nothing wrong with it.

Sometimes this life is overwhelming. The voices get too dark; the internal thoughts get too violent. Is there no relief to any of this? I often wonder that. There has to be something I can do to get over it all. Or get through it all. One of these days I'll figure out which is best for me. But that's not today I don't think. There's just too much going on. When there's too much going on, there doesn't feel like there's enough and more can be piled on. No seriously, that's how I feel at times. Then it gets piled on and I wish I hadn't of said that. Because too much is always too much.

Damn life.

This life can just get rid of itself at times. The thoughts that enter my mind, they're too much. I know I didn't put them there. I'm not even sure who put them there to begin with. If it was me, and that's a big if, then I'm to blame. But if it wasn't me? Someone has a lot to explain to me. Talk about annoying.

I wish I could go a day without these thoughts in my mind, these voices in my head. The other things that are wrong with me can go away too. There's not much else going on here. It all just needs to leave me alone. I don't like it; I didn't invite it to be with me. Yet here it is, alive and well doing its thing. The key to remember is that everything is going to be fine in the end. If it's not the end? It's okay for it not to be fine yet. Life has a way of just working through us and making itself known.

That's really all there is to it.