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Showing posts from September, 2019

Anxious Today, WTF?

I am rather anxious today. I think it has to do with the medication(s) I am on at the moment. Doctor changed some medications, added some, did some other things put me back on medications I haven’t been on in a while…the same ol’ same ol’. Anti-Psychotic meds work wonders when they work, they’re amazing. When your mind doesn’t want them to work? Well, that’s when things become quite a problem. I hate to admit it, but life doesn’t always work the way we want it to work. What can I say? It’s a mess at times. There’s nothing wrong with that, but to say it’s not complex is a complete overhaul of whatever there is. Talk about a mixed bag of nuts. Someone doesn’t understand everything there is to understand about it all. If I wasn’t anxious, today would be a better day than it is. But, well I am so there’s nothing I can do about it. I wish there was…but there isn’t so I’ll just have to deal with whatever comes my way. Such a bummer if you think about it all. Nothing is ever cureable. Every...
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The Music Plays

Life comes at us when we really least expect it to. Something goes a bit wonky, and we are left to put the pieces back together. The music simply continues to play on without stopping. Life doesn't stop because you are having a difficult time to get through something. Life doesn't just give up. It has to keep flowing for all the other billions of people around the world. It would be quite odd if everything just stopped because one person's heart gave way. So, life doesn't work that way. Good to know. What are we to do with the broken pieces of a heart that's holding together with duct tape and hope? Can a person live off of hope alone? I'm not sure. I imagine one could really wish that would work out...if it does great. If it doesn't? Then there could be other issues down the road. Who knows. Whatever the case, life continues to move on. The music still plays.
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Needs vs Wants

Wanting a need, needing a want. What ever happened to it all? There are needs and there are wants. Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish between the needs and wants. Difficult is really a tame word for it. It really sucks and I wish there was a way to differentiate between the two better. But some days there isn't, and that hurts. Trying to figure it all out...it should be able to be figured out right? I mean people do it all the time. Do I need this or do I want this? It has to work out somehow...some day...somewhere. Yeah, something like that. If it doesn't? Well, what are you supposed to do with any of it? I don't know. I really don't have a clue.
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Things I Want To Say

There are things I want to say but am afraid to utter the words. It's like the words form on my lips, yet they cannot escape my thoughts. There's no reason for this, they need to be said. They want to be said. But why can't they be said?
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Abandoned Feelings

Ever walk around a goodwill or other kind of thrift store? You see all of these things which people simply discard over the years. Some things look like they are useful to you, but they were discarded by someone else. As I walk around these stores, I feel abandoned like these very same objects. I feel like an object at times. Tossed aside, not loved anymore. Simply dropped on the ground at a way station of life. So that's what life feels like at times.
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Penguins Don't Feel Human Emotions

It is true, penguins can feel emotions but they cannot feel human emotions. I wish I were a penguin who didn't need to feel anything. Who couldn't feel human emotions in anyway possible. So what does one do with these emotions? Do I talk about them? Do I discuss them? What am I to do with all of these emotions that I don't want to feel?
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Why Is Life

For a moment, life almost felt normal again. It was great. I was trying to move on the best I could and see what was out there. It doesn't mean that's exactly what happened...but well you never know what will happen when you meet new people. Amazing people with amazing smiles and personalities. Beautiful as well. So here we are, just trying to do our best with what we have.
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Why Is Life Confusing?

So many things out there in life and they all appear to be confusing. I wish I had an answer to all of it. Something to grasp and hold onto. Something to fully just understand. Self sabotage seems to be something I'm good at. It's not right, I know it's not right...and yet it exists. So I have to find a way to get around that and not let it happen. So many decisions to come to. So many things that overwhelm the mind and senses. It's all just a big glob of goo that I wade through. At times I feel alone, even though I know I'm not. Difficult to express, even more difficult to comprehend at times.
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