Life wasn’t meant to be this way. We wake up every morning and try to get through it just to go to bed and wake up again the next day. Is that what we’re thinking? Is that what we want? I’m not sure, actually I’m sure it’s not what we want at all. Yet it’s what we do. We are here to figure things out and try to attempt new things meeting new people. That’s what life is about I think? I guess? Either way, here we are. Now, if we wanted to do something a little different, we could. Life could be much different than it currently is. But, we have to accept that it could be different. Either way? It won’t be useful to any of us until we decide that is what we want. But what do we want for real now? I mean, we could guess all day long what we want, but we cannot fully express ourselves for some reason. Does it matter? I’m not sure. I’d rather not think about everything which could go wrong with this plan, but well you have to take into account all the different angles, don’t you? Some woul...
I’ve had people tell me that I should just stop hearing voices. They tell me “No more voices!” Well it’s not that simple people. I can’t control what I hear and don’t hear. It just doesn’t work that way. I wish it did, but seriously it doesn’t. Life has it’s own mind when it comes to voices, and I simply can’t let it do its thing by trying to make them stop. Sure I can take medication, I’m on medication for it, but that doesn’t always take them away you know?
I get it, maybe you’re tired of having to think that I have issues with voices and hallucinations. Maybe you’re tired of worrying about me. I don’t know the root cause of it all, and I can understand your frustration. But simply telling me to stop hearing voices? No, it just doesn’t work that way.
I’m not sure what else to say about this. You didn’t understand when I said I was having suicidal thoughts either. Perhaps you’ve never dealt with someone that has these issues before? I’m not sure. Let’s face it, I struggle with life, is that enough to understand? Perhaps we can start there and stop grasping at straws at what is or isn’t what I’m going through.
Life is hard. I get it. Everyone has their challenges, I’m not minimizing that fact. I’m just telling you I have my challenges too. Just because you don’t understand something or don’t want to understand something, doesn’t give you the right to dictate how my voices should or shouldn’t be present. They are here, they’ve been here for a while. It isn’t like a light switch I can turn off. There’s just no way of getting that through to you is there?
Feels like I’m talking like a record player here. I’m so frustrated, have been for over a year now about this, I’m finally talking about it to get it off my chest. I know you’ll never read any of this. That’s fine. This is my personal space to rant about whatever it is I want to rant about. Actually it’s been well over two years now hasn’t it. I need to let it go, so it can stop boiling in my chest. I simply need to let it go.
Fine, I’ll do just that. Just don’t tell me to stop hearing voices ever again.
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