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Blast From The Past: January 7, 2020

Tue Jan 7 20:06:13 MST 2020 There has got to be some reason for these thoughts. Whatever thoughts come into my mind, I mean they have to have a reason right? Worry, regret, things I can’t control. Everything else which simply can’t be understood or controlled…things like that. I don’t know what to do with these thoughts. People tell me to simply forget about them. Let them go. Who’s to know how that’s meant to work out. I don’t have a clue. I wish I did. That would be nice, but I don’t. I mean, if life is meant to be simple…a breeze, something we’re meant to accomplish well into our 90s etc, if we live that long. Then aren’t we suppose to be able to do something with it? Aren’t we meant to be able to accomplish something and just be there for each other? No matter what happens? Life comes and goes, it’s not meant to be out there out there, but here we are. We don’t know what happens all the time. We don’t know what goes on when we aren’t listening or aren’t watching. We simply don’t ...
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You Can't Tell Me To NOT Hear Voices!

I’ve had people tell me that I should just stop hearing voices. They tell me “No more voices!” Well it’s not that simple people. I can’t control what I hear and don’t hear. It just doesn’t work that way. I wish it did, but seriously it doesn’t. Life has it’s own mind when it comes to voices, and I simply can’t let it do its thing by trying to make them stop. Sure I can take medication, I’m on medication for it, but that doesn’t always take them away you know?

I get it, maybe you’re tired of having to think that I have issues with voices and hallucinations. Maybe you’re tired of worrying about me. I don’t know the root cause of it all, and I can understand your frustration. But simply telling me to stop hearing voices? No, it just doesn’t work that way.

I’m not sure what else to say about this. You didn’t understand when I said I was having suicidal thoughts either. Perhaps you’ve never dealt with someone that has these issues before? I’m not sure. Let’s face it, I struggle with life, is that enough to understand? Perhaps we can start there and stop grasping at straws at what is or isn’t what I’m going through.

Life is hard. I get it. Everyone has their challenges, I’m not minimizing that fact. I’m just telling you I have my challenges too. Just because you don’t understand something or don’t want to understand something, doesn’t give you the right to dictate how my voices should or shouldn’t be present. They are here, they’ve been here for a while. It isn’t like a light switch I can turn off. There’s just no way of getting that through to you is there?

Feels like I’m talking like a record player here. I’m so frustrated, have been for over a year now about this, I’m finally talking about it to get it off my chest. I know you’ll never read any of this. That’s fine. This is my personal space to rant about whatever it is I want to rant about. Actually it’s been well over two years now hasn’t it. I need to let it go, so it can stop boiling in my chest. I simply need to let it go.

Fine, I’ll do just that. Just don’t tell me to stop hearing voices ever again.

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