Tue Jan 7 20:06:13 MST 2020 There has got to be some reason for these thoughts. Whatever thoughts come into my mind, I mean they have to have a reason right? Worry, regret, things I can’t control. Everything else which simply can’t be understood or controlled…things like that. I don’t know what to do with these thoughts. People tell me to simply forget about them. Let them go. Who’s to know how that’s meant to work out. I don’t have a clue. I wish I did. That would be nice, but I don’t. I mean, if life is meant to be simple…a breeze, something we’re meant to accomplish well into our 90s etc, if we live that long. Then aren’t we suppose to be able to do something with it? Aren’t we meant to be able to accomplish something and just be there for each other? No matter what happens? Life comes and goes, it’s not meant to be out there out there, but here we are. We don’t know what happens all the time. We don’t know what goes on when we aren’t listening or aren’t watching. We simply don’t ...
Sat May 9 08:41:56 AM MDT 2026
Why Life?
I don’t think we can fully understand or comprehend what it will take for everything to work out the way it’s meant to. I’m not sure I understand what that even means. I just know that this life will come about eventually. If there’s nothing interesting about it? Then we can go on our merry way and allow it to be whatever. I think if I had all the answers, I would have them and there wouldn’t be a thing that could stop me.
But that’s not how this world works. There are so many ways to mess up in this world alone. I’m not sure I can grasp all of the different ways to do that. But they exist.
I guess my question is why is this life so damn difficult at times? Do you remember when life used to be easier? Yeah neither do I. Sometimes you just have to get all of the thoughts out of your head. The only way I know how to do that is by writing. Sometims the thoughts get out of my head rather quickly, other times they stick around for a while longer. I don’t seem to have control over them. It would be nice if I could have some kind of control over whatever they feel like doing. But let’s face it, I don’t. So why bother.
Maybe We’re Perfect Just The Way We Are
Ever stop and think that we’re just how God intended for us to be? When all is said and done and we look back on this life, I wonder how it will be interpreted by the future of mankind.
Sometimes I look back on life and think of people I met. I left them where they are. To my knowledge they are still there doing their thing. They are frozen in time. Now, I know this isn’t the case at all. They’re long since gone from those places and times we once were. There’s no dispute about that. But my brain doesn’t process it that way. I can’t tell you why that is. Just that’s how my brain does things.
Everything Is Black Or White
I am a very black or white thinking. Good or bad. Right or wrong. There is no middle ground. No gray space in between. It would be nice to be able to not think in these terms. But I don’t know how to do that.
I’m pretty sure life isn’t meant to be seen as this. It’s not meant to be black and white thinking. There have to be shades of gray in there somewhere.
Maybe this life just isn’t meant to be seen at all. It would be nice to be able to understand something once in a while. I don’t know what that something is, but if it’s anything like what I see now in life? Well let’s just say it’s got to be something better than what it is. End of story. Is that how it goes? I don’t know about such things. I just know how they’re meant to be played out from time to time. Nothing special, nothing spectacular. Everything just goes out the window.
Not Everything Makes Sense
There are some things in this life that never change. Some things that don’t ever make sense no matter how much time and energy you put into it. Whatever the plan this life brings about, we have to let it go. That’s all there is to it. I don’t know how else to put it. So many thoughts and goals out there. Who’s to say how it’s all meant to happen? I’m not sure I know the answer to that.
Perhaps this life isn’t meant to make any sense to us. We are here and we live in order to make things better somehow. But if that’s not how any of this works, I suppose life will continue to be a mystery to us all. There’s always a time and a place for everything.
Life has a way of making itself known to you. There’s these tricks and whatnot that it uses to incorporate itself into every waking moment you face. Let’s face it, those are the facts of it all. I don’t make the rules. I just play along with the rules long enough to make myself heard.
Not everything in life has to make perfect sense. I mean we’re here, we live, we see whatever happens in this life and then we wonder what happened to it all. I think the problem is, I don’t feel good. I never feel good. What’s the story with that? I wish I had a clue of why I don’t ever feel good. It would be nice to be able to understand something about my life.
I guess it’s whatever maybe. Who knows what this life turns out to be. I wish I had a clue. There doesn’t seem to be a reason for any of it. What is it I’m rambling on about? A mystery maybe? I don’t know what any of this means for me. It’s just a life that tends to come my way. There isn’t a way to make myself believe what’s going to happen or what’s not going to happen. That’s just life.
Obsession
There’s an obsession to life. I don’t know how quite to explain it. I just know it exists. Maybe obsession isn’t the right word for it. If there were another word for it, I sure wish I could figure out what that word is. I do believe it goes beyond a simple obsession. A thought process comes into our lives and we don’t have the ability but to accept whatever there is regarding it.
It’s a weird thought process that occupies my mind at times. I think it started with believing this life was a simulation. That’s just the nature of the beast I suppose.
If I had a way to make these thoughts leave my brain, I would make it happen asap. But I don’t think that’s a possibility. There’s a lot of things to worry about in this life. I get that. But I’m not sure I understand it. Why does worry ahve to be a thing for me? I can accept the anxiety and the depression. Those things are fine. But worry? That’s sometihng quite new on a different level.
Yeah, I don’t get it either.
I don’t think I get this life. I feel like an outsider looking in. Watching as things happen and everything around me changes. I don’t have the ability to make things different or change the way I want them to. It’s just life and I don’t think I have a way of making that become a reality. Talk about weird.
Death
Death is constantly on my mind. I don’t know why that is. It’s just a thing that comes and goes without my ability to control it. It’s whatever really, I don’t have control over it. I could just chalk it up to being life … maybe? Is that a thing? I suppose it is. Being afraid of dying is quite a spiral to walk into and get into. That’s just how this life is though. I don’t know how to get over it. I don’t know how to get through it.
But maybe that’s not just how it works out. I have the ability to make things better in life. Why don’t I do it? Just forget about death. So there’s no reason to get super involved in thinking about death. That’s all there is to it. I think? Yeah that sounds about right.
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