Diary

Sometimes keeping a diary helps out the best. Sometimes it's just nonsense like the following words:

Nonsense

The end was near. It always was near. No one could tell you otherwise. Such a fact had to be known and understood before anything else. I'm not the person who made the rules. I do follow such rules as anyone else in the world. It is a gift granted to all.

Some would have you wonder how is this a gift. Well, to obey and to be obedient to rules that govern you, allow you to be protected. Without laws or rules in place, we as a people become in danger of destroying ourselves.

Not everyone understands or grasps the concept of full obedience. Not everyone can live up to such an idea. I guess that's what makes us all human. Standing out for something doesn't automatically make it taken care of or easy. In order to achieve a good, you must keep moving forward with it. Every step must be consciously made with considerable effort and determination.

That might be where I failed. Yes, somewhere along that mystical road of dreaming I managed to find myself lost to a point in time. I never recovered from or understood. That was the start of my downfall.

I didn't always expect my life to turn out the way it did. Talk about quite a game changer. I'd have to say life was annoying at best.

My problems began the moment I was conceived and only grew worse as time went on.

The nightmare always began and ended the same. Only the middle would change from time to time and yet that remained predictable. The torture wouldn't change for some time. I grew tired of the dreams quite easily but that did me no good.

They persisted.

Talk about an annoyance. Not a simple annoyance mind you. No, that would be something I could brush off. It had nothing so easy in it. No, this was something quite more manipulative and sinister in nature.

But no one talks about it. People like to brush things under a rug as it were. Not everything can simply be avoided mind you. Not all can be buried that easily.

Sometimes we don't ask all the necessary questions. They can have the tendency to make us think more than we should want to.

The questions can be deep or they can be simple. Either one has the ability to make a person wonder even deeper things. I suppose the most basic question asked really can lead a person down a rabbit hole, as it were.

Why
What
When
Where
How

All simple one word questions which can lead to much deeper discussions. Talk about a rush.

Dammit that really would be a rush. Oops I swore.

Some Sense

I found out a little too late that writing in a diary wasn't the best option for me. Sometimes the voices in my head would find their way onto the paper. I've had psychologists tell me that wasn't a good sign and that I should stop writing down whatever popped into my head. Even though they first told me it didn't matter what I wrote just as long as I wrote. It seemed to get a little confusing.

Since that time, I've tried to just write stories. Eventually hoping one of those stories would turn into a novel. Or some lengthy piece of work. I've written some books over the course of my years of life. Mostly for my own enjoyment. There doesn't seem to be anything else to write but stories these days. So I persist and see what comes out of my pen.

Yeah I tend to write on paper still. I feel I get the most out of it when I do that. After I write it on paper, that's my first draft, I type it up and make changes as I go, that becomes my second draft. Then I polish it as needed which becomes my third draft. It seems to work for me so far, and I don't have a problem with that.