Psychosis and Life

Fri May 22 09:09:34 AM MDT 2026

Psychosis Is Real

Hearing things, seeing things, they’re all real to me. I don’t understand why they happen. But they tend to happen at the worst times in life. I’ve had my fair share of things I’ve both seen and heard in my lifetime. There doesn’t appear to be a rhyme or reason for them to occur. They just do. It’s a funny thing to think about, the things the voices say. Let’s face it, sometimes they’re down right mean to me. They want me to kill myself. I don’t have a say in what they tell me though. They are annoying at best.

There are currently three voices that bother me. One is aggressive, one is kind, and the other one eggs the other two on at times. They can all get annoying when they talk all at once. I don’t know how to stop them though. I wish there was a way to make them stop.

Why do I hear voices? Why do they want me dead so much? I don’t know the answer to this. No therapist, psychologist, or doctor has been able to tell me why this is the case either. There simply is no reason behind any of it.

This is my life it would seem. Such a pointless excuse for a life if you ask me. There needs to be a matter of substance in my life in order to make things go smoothly and better. I don’t know how any of that will go though. It seems I will be forever in a processing loop. I don’t like loops. They never seem to be able to keep me going for long. Eventually I will fall down some rabbit hole never to come out. I wonder how Alice felt when she went down the rabbit hole to wonderland.

Intrusive Thoughts Suck

So I have these things known as intrusve thoughts. To be exact, they are:

Intrusive thoughts are involuntary, sudden thoughts, images or impulses that suddenly pop into your mind. They are typically unwanted, often disturbing or taboo, and are the exact opposite of what you actually desire or believe.

So that tends to happen at times. I don’t understand why it happens, it just does. There’s nothing I can do about them. I’m told to just simply let them be and everything will be okay, whatever that means. I mean what the fuck am I supposed to do with these thoughts? I don’t get it, I don’t understand it. It’s something that just happens and it doesn’t feel like I can do anything about it.

Is that okay? How is that okay? I don’t get it! It’s not normal to me. It’s rather taboo to think such thoughts. I don’t like it. I wish I never had such thoughts happen. But here they are doing whatever they want to do, and they have their way with me. Here I am just trying to live life and I have to deal with these on a constant basis. There must be a way to combat these thoughts and feelings. I don’t know how to do that though. It’s frustrating.

So I simply must deal with them. Whatever they are, however they come to be. I have to deal with them. I don’t want to deal with them. That’s the problem with this life most days, if I can’t deal with them … what am I supposed to do with them as they come to my mind? I wish I knew.

What Are These Emotions?

So, what are these emotions I feel? Why are they here? What are their purpose in this life? I don’t understand them most of the time. If I am to understand what these emotions and feelings I am feeling are all about, then I would like to be able to grab hold of whatever it is they’re doing to me. I don’t believe I am able to fix these thoughts and feelings I have. There doesn’t seem the ability to do that. It would be nice to be able to do something about it all, but I simply do not know how to deal with it.

Sometimes these emotions feel inappropriate. I don’t know how else to explain what they are. They seem to take me down roads I do not want to go down. Yet I go down them anyway to find out what they’re all about. I never get a clear picture or answer as to why they are there. Only that they are.

I wonder if I am hypersensitive to some situations:

Hypersensitivity can refer to either a psychological trait–a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) who processes environmental and emotional stimuli deeply–or a physiological reaction, where the immune system overreafcts to foreign substances. Understanding which type you are experiencing is key to managing it.

Yeah, I haven’t a clue if that’s the case or not. If it is? Then I am just a person trying to live thier life to the best of their ability. There doesn’t have to be a reason to any of it I suppose. I just think that’s what this life is made up of sometimes; and sometimes I don’t have control over any of it.

Having some form of control over my life is key, I think. I need to be able to control parts of my life that I currently cannot control. There are so many things in this life that don’t make sense and I am here trying to make sense of it all.

There are a number of things that this life could be to me and I don’t understand what any of them are. If that’s the case? How screwed am I? I don’t know. So many things in this life I do not know aobut. That scares me the most. It would be nice to be able to know what’s going on in this life though. If I wanted it to make sense, which is what I want, I need to find a way to make that happen. I do not know how to do that.

Something Has Got To Get Better In Life

Life has a tendency to take me down from time to time. I don’t know how to go about those feelings I feel. Are they real feelings? Or am I making them up? I don’t know what’s real anymore. Spotting real from fake is difficult at times. I’m not sure I know what to do with these thoughts that come to my mind. If they aren’t real, and infact are fake what am I doing here? What’s the point of life at that moment in time? I don’t know.

Sometimes I wonder what’s best for me. I can’t hardly ever come up with an answer for it. So what am I supposed to do about any of that? I don’t know. If I don’t know, then I’m pretty sure no one else knows. There’s nothing wrong with that I guess, but it’s pretty damn annoying if you ask me. Maybe this life isn’t meant to turn into anything good for me. Ever thought of that? Yeah, that’s what I was thinking.

Whatever happens in this life, I doubt it’s meant to destroy me. Maybe lift and build me up at times. But never destroy. I’ve made that decision a long time ago, there’s no going back on it now. I feel so fucking lost at times, it’s not even funny.