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Blast From The Past: January 7, 2020

Tue Jan 7 20:06:13 MST 2020 There has got to be some reason for these thoughts. Whatever thoughts come into my mind, I mean they have to have a reason right? Worry, regret, things I can’t control. Everything else which simply can’t be understood or controlled…things like that. I don’t know what to do with these thoughts. People tell me to simply forget about them. Let them go. Who’s to know how that’s meant to work out. I don’t have a clue. I wish I did. That would be nice, but I don’t. I mean, if life is meant to be simple…a breeze, something we’re meant to accomplish well into our 90s etc, if we live that long. Then aren’t we suppose to be able to do something with it? Aren’t we meant to be able to accomplish something and just be there for each other? No matter what happens? Life comes and goes, it’s not meant to be out there out there, but here we are. We don’t know what happens all the time. We don’t know what goes on when we aren’t listening or aren’t watching. We simply don’t ...
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Psychosis

Ah, Psychosis. Such an interesting word. Google a definition, and you will find out a lot about it. Or I could give you the definition here without warning.

Psychosis is a mental health condition characterized by a loss of contact with reality, often involving hallucinations (seeing/hearing things not there) and delusions (fixed, false beliefs). It is not a specific disease but a set of symptoms, commonly involving confused thinking, speech, and behavior. Common causes
include schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, severe stress, and substance misuse.

Yeah, that ought to do it. Now, I can hear you asking, why am I talking about this again? Well because it’s an important topic. It needs to be talked about and not just swept under the rug as it were. A lot of people tend to sweep mental illness under the rug as it were.

It can be quite intense. When you aren’t quite sure what is real anymore and everything feels like an invasion of your privacy. Like, what is real these days? I’m not certain I understand anymore It would be nice to be able to believe in something that I know won’t turn on its head or disappear all the way. Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking about these days.

What am I missing in all of this? Is it the fact that this life is a simulation? Is that what’s going on with life? I don’t know. It would be nice to have some kind of understanding behind it all. But I don’t know how to do that. I don’t want to go to a therapist in order to do anything. I want to be able to figure it all out by myself.

Is it possible I am never to understand what is going on with me? I can appreciate that for sure, but I’m not sure if I can understand it. There are so many things that I am just unable to understand at times. I wish I could make everything just make sense. But I know I can’t do that. There are limitations to this life, some limitations aren’t the easiest to overcome. While others seem nonexistent. Whichever way this life swings, we are simply stuck in an ongoing circle. There isn’t a way to overcome any of it. It’s an unfortunate series of events in which we live.

What is this life all about anyway? I don’t get it most of the time. I do know the hallucinations are quite real. There’s nothing that can be done about those. I hate to say it, but most days they’re just there and I have to deal with them.

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