So, the voices are obnoxious. They constantly badger me about what I’m doing wrong in life, and I don’t know how to handle it. So many voices doing what they do best, annoy me. To no end. They argue with each other. The constant nagging can be annoying at times. I don’t know what to do about any of this. Damn voices always doing whatever they want to do! I end up suffering from it all. Damn voices. If I didn’t have voices going off in my head? I think I would be better off. So many thoughts come and go in my head at times, I can’t tell where they’re coming from. Is it the devil that’s talking to me? Is it God? I doubt God would want to be messing with me like this…but he did create me the way I am? So I’m not sure about any of that. When the voices tell me to do things? Things I don’t want to do? Yeah, that’s when they tend to come in fighting. I don’t have a way of making them stop. I don’t have a way of making them go away. Maybe I need more medication? I wish I had an answer to al...
There’s been a thought that has been going through my head. It seems to live there rent free. The thought is this:
Suicide is never the answer.
You see, people are in control of their lives to a point. Suicide is one control mechanism that people can decide if they want to do. If they choose to take that door, there is no coming back. I wonder if people realize that. I wonder if they understand the consequences of killing themselves. I for one understand the consequence and what it will do to those people I love and care about. Maybe that’s why I’m still alive after all this time of having these psychotic episodes.
There’s no way of telling of course. I once had a therapist ask me why I was staying alive, what kept me motivated to stay in this life instead of choosing to die. I didn’t have an answer for her. I’m not sure I have an answer to this day to that question, come to think about it.
Personally I don’t see the use in suicide. I can imagine it only brings about pain and sorrow and some kind of misery for both sides. Let’s say there is life after this one. That when we die we go to a holding area where all of our infirmities are gone. The diseases that once plagued our brains is also lifted. What happens then? That chemical imbalance is gone, you can think clearly. If you killed yourself, wouldn’t you think you would feel some kind of remorse over it?
I find it an interesting thought experiment to be honest. Yeah, that’s as far as I’ve been able to get in that thought though. There isn’t much to go off of as I have never done the deed, I’m still alive as it were, so who’s to say if I’m right or wrong on the matter.
Some people will have you believe that suicide is a sin. That it says so in the Bible, but I haven’t found where in the Bible it says that. Not yet at least. I think it all depends on your state of mind. That’s how God will judge you in the end.
Anyway, those are my thoughts on the matter.
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