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Anxious Today, WTF?

I am rather anxious today. I think it has to do with the medication(s) I am on at the moment. Doctor changed some medications, added some, did some other things put me back on medications I haven’t been on in a while…the same ol’ same ol’. Anti-Psychotic meds work wonders when they work, they’re amazing. When your mind doesn’t want them to work? Well, that’s when things become quite a problem. I hate to admit it, but life doesn’t always work the way we want it to work. What can I say? It’s a mess at times. There’s nothing wrong with that, but to say it’s not complex is a complete overhaul of whatever there is. Talk about a mixed bag of nuts. Someone doesn’t understand everything there is to understand about it all. If I wasn’t anxious, today would be a better day than it is. But, well I am so there’s nothing I can do about it. I wish there was…but there isn’t so I’ll just have to deal with whatever comes my way. Such a bummer if you think about it all. Nothing is ever cureable. Every...
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I Feel Done

 Many times, over the course of one's life they can feel fed up with life. Or in fact done with it all. I feel done with this life. I'm just depressed. There doesn't feel like there's a way out of it at the moment. No reason to feel this way, but I do and I can't do anything about it. Why must I feel this way? I don't get it, I don't understand.

Things that matter could be arranged differently. I guess. Maybe there should be something else I can do to take my mind off of it all. I don't know how to do that though. So many things in life don't really make sense to me. I get that. I mean why bother with any of it right now. There doesn't seem a reason to bother with anything.

Is this sadness I am feeling? I cannot tell you if that's the case. If anything matters, I want it to show itself. I do not know if that will be the case. There has to be something I can do about it, anything really. Life is bombarding me with so much right now. I wish I could overcome this. All of this. Any of this. Something at least. It might sound crazy, but I need something to happen.

Make it all make sense.

Something has to give here. I don't know what that something is, but life has to get better somehow. If there's anything I can do to make it better, I wish I knew what to do or say. Anything that makes things better would be a good thing indeed. But I am unable to gather the necessary information to make it better.

Maybe things aren't meant to get better for me. What if I am just meant to live in this turmoil for the rest of my life. Doesn't make sense to me, does it make sense to you? I don't know how any of this is to be played out. There's got to be a way to make everything better. Somehow. If that's the way, then that's the way.

If nothing makes sense in this life, what is the point of it all. I don't see a purpose to any of it. I need a purpose in life to make things go smoothly. I don't know how to do that though. There are too many variables in the way, too many obstacles. I don't care anymore. There's nothing to care about. Why should I care when nothing will ever become of it. There's no point to anything at all. I hate this life.

What's the point of this life if all I feel is sadness? I don't understand what is going on in the world. It doesn't make sense. Why is there so much hatred towards one another? Why so much self-hatred? People should be having peace within themselves and with one another. All of this anger that comes out of nowhere seems to overshadow it all. So many things to wish and hope for and yet we still fall flat on our faces. There doesn't seem a reason to any of it. It's pointless.

All of this life is pointless. Nothing good can come from it. There is nothing good about it and we are all here suffering because of it. Life must come to an end. It's got to stop one way or another. I don't know which way is best, but it will eventually end. Everything will come to an end someday and no one will be around to see it. Because we will all be gone. So why complain about anything. It's all going to end anyway, why do I even bother. Let it all come to an end. Who cares anymore. Violence will only increase there's no way around it. So let it come to an end now. Things will get worse before they even get better.

Life sucks.

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