Skip to main content

Anxious Today, WTF?

I am rather anxious today. I think it has to do with the medication(s) I am on at the moment. Doctor changed some medications, added some, did some other things put me back on medications I haven’t been on in a while…the same ol’ same ol’. Anti-Psychotic meds work wonders when they work, they’re amazing. When your mind doesn’t want them to work? Well, that’s when things become quite a problem. I hate to admit it, but life doesn’t always work the way we want it to work. What can I say? It’s a mess at times. There’s nothing wrong with that, but to say it’s not complex is a complete overhaul of whatever there is. Talk about a mixed bag of nuts. Someone doesn’t understand everything there is to understand about it all. If I wasn’t anxious, today would be a better day than it is. But, well I am so there’s nothing I can do about it. I wish there was…but there isn’t so I’ll just have to deal with whatever comes my way. Such a bummer if you think about it all. Nothing is ever cureable. Every...

Dreams

 Some dreams are memorable. Others are not. Sometimes I dream of good things happening, other times I dream of bad things. It's a mix to be honest. Not always the same dreams come to me. I wish all I had were good dreams. But that can't always be the case. Then there are times I don't remember what I dreamed about at all. I know I dreamed last night, but this morning I have no clue what I dreamed about. It's kind of a weird situation.

The other day I was dreaming that I wanted to get out of bed. I kept trying to get out of bed but noticed that I couldn't. After every attempt I was still in bed. I finally realized I was dreaming and told myself to wake up. I was then able to get out of my actual bed and start my day. Now that was a weird situation.

Ever have a dream during the middle of the day when you're awake? I have. I'm not sure if it was a hallucination or what. But I was sitting there doing my thing, and I was in a different place. It was a dream for sure, I just don't know how I ended up there. Talk about weird.

I used to think dreams offered a way for the mind to be entertained while you sleep. Now I think dreams offer answers to things you are stressed about. Subconscious thoughts in your way? A dream can solve the problem. Remembering what you dreamed is key of course. If you don't remember your dream, then I suppose the answer isn't going to help you. Even if it was your subconscious reaching out in the dark seeking truth.

Dreams are just a weird thing. That much is true. It would be nice to be able to record what I dreamed so I can play it back at any given time. I've tried writing down my dreams, but I always seem to forget what happened in them when I get to the pen and paper. I don't know how else to put it. I just can't remember for the life of me what happened.

Then there are dreams I have where I'm visiting with people I miss. My heart yearns to be with them, yet for some reason or another I am unable to. So, I dream about them. Those dreams are the hardest to let go of. Because they feel so real. Like I am actually in the room with that person. I can't help but hope that I'll be able to see them again soon.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Schizoaffective Disorder

I want to say it first began in High School when I thought I was trying to beat the devil. Now when I say I was "trying to beat the devil", I mean I actually thought I was hearing the devil speak to me at night and that I had to find some way to overcome him. Looking back I should have sought professional help then. I remember telling a friend about this experience, and he looked at me like I was nuts. Talk about craziness right? Yeah something like that. I believe my first mental break was when I was serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints . I wanted to go home so bad. It could have just been homesickness . But...there was something more to it. About halfway through I was just done with it all. I had had enough of rejection and wanted to go home. But I was afraid that I was unable to because I would simply be told no . I know that sounds silly to people. But that's what happened. I didn't b...

Didn't Sleep

 What's the point of sleep anymore if I can't sleep? I don't think I slept any good last night. I was awake at 3 am wondering to myself, what on earth am I doing awake? Yeah, that happened. It doesn't make any sense. Fortunately, it's the weekend. So, I can catch up on sleep tonight. I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, so it's a good opportunity to actually sleep for once. Whatever the case, I hope I'll be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. We will see what happens.

ColdFusion

So recently, I decided to include ColdFusion in my Linux setup. I was going to just run Tomcat and install CF that way, but well I decided against that route and installed ColdFusion 9 using the regular methods. It's been running quite smoothly if I do say so myself. I of course don't have the installation instructions anymore. Oops. I suppose I could Google for them again and make a copy or something. But well if my server ever crashes and I have to start all over again, yeah I'll worry aobut it then. FOr now, not so much. So here's my current setup: MySQL PHP Perl ColdFusion 9 Yeah something like that. Not too bad if I do say so myself. Of course what else would I say about it? You know I wouldn't ever say anything bad about my own server setup. Well unless I already have, if that's the case. Oops. Disregard that blog post. So yep, I think I'll have some fun with all of that for sure.