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Tired Of Life

 When will this life come to an end for me? I want to know. I could plan the rest of my life accordingly if I had that answer. But I don't. There's no reason to have such an answer I understand that. But it still would be nice to know. Maybe life doesn't really exist for any of us. We are merely just pretending to be alive, in a role with billions of others. I don't understand how I can go on living. So many things have happened to me in the past, terrible incidences that I cannot erase from my memory. Yet here I am still breathing for some reason. I wish I knew what that reason was. Life is but a joke.

There are days that I want to forget. Memories I want to forget. Thoughts I want to forget. Yet they all stay with me for some reason. I don't understand why they stick with me. Always reminding me of things lost. Never reminding me of the good times, always the bad. It doesn't make sense to me. There doesn't appear to be any point to it.

I can wish all I want but it won't change anything. I'll still be here wishing. Oh life, why must you do this to me? I don't deserve any of these thoughts. I don't deserve the voices whispering in my ear, telling me to die. There's too much stress right now.

I'm tired. That's all I ever feel. Tired. Like I could take a nap for the rest of the day and be fine with that. I don't quite understand why that is. Is it the depression that surrounds me? Is it something more? What exactly is it that bothers me so much? There doesn't seem to be any way out of this mess. For I am simply lost. Unable to function fully within the confines of my own thoughts. Oh let's not even get started about thoughts. They torment me on so many levels. It sucks.

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