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Anxious Today, WTF?

I am rather anxious today. I think it has to do with the medication(s) I am on at the moment. Doctor changed some medications, added some, did some other things put me back on medications I haven’t been on in a while…the same ol’ same ol’. Anti-Psychotic meds work wonders when they work, they’re amazing. When your mind doesn’t want them to work? Well, that’s when things become quite a problem. I hate to admit it, but life doesn’t always work the way we want it to work. What can I say? It’s a mess at times. There’s nothing wrong with that, but to say it’s not complex is a complete overhaul of whatever there is. Talk about a mixed bag of nuts. Someone doesn’t understand everything there is to understand about it all. If I wasn’t anxious, today would be a better day than it is. But, well I am so there’s nothing I can do about it. I wish there was…but there isn’t so I’ll just have to deal with whatever comes my way. Such a bummer if you think about it all. Nothing is ever cureable. Every...
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Is It Worth It

 I have to stop myself from time to time and wonder if it's worth it. Well, I have to define what it is to begin with don't I. Life. Is life worth it. That is the question I wish to answer. I don't know if I have all of the answers right now, but it's a good question to have on my mind. If life isn't worth it, what exactly are we doing here? It doesn't make sense to me. That's too easy of a phrase to utter. Things just don't make sense to a degree. They eventually will make sense to me, just not at this time. I'm always saying things don't make sense and that feels wrong somehow. I should stop saying things don't make sense and leave it at that.

To wonder if life is worth it can be overwhelming at times. I'm uncertain about my future. I don't know how it will all go down, or how my future will unfold. There's no way of telling right now. It's rather an odd state to be in. I wish I could efficiently say what it is I am thinking, but I don't know how to do so. Life is a complex machine or monster that no one can fully control. Life isn't meant to be controlled. That's just the way of things. You have to take the good with the bad that comes along your way and see everything to the end. It will eventually make sense in the long run, but you have to get there first.

Not every story you come across will have a point. Not every dream you have will be crystal clear, and not every experience you encounter will have the answers you want. But these things will have the opportunities you need to grow as a person. Isn't that what it's all about? Growth as a human being? I think it is. Nothing else really matters beyond that point in life. It's just made up and the points don't matter.

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