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Life Why Are You So Fucked Up?

Ever wonder why this life is so messed up? I sure as hell do! I don’t get it. I mean we’re here for a reason…maybe. I don’t understand anything about it though. I wish I did, it would be nice to be able to grasp something about this life and not simply expect it to be here whenever we need it to be. Yet that’s exactly what we do! We expect life to be here for us and we don’t want to give anything back, talk about an annoying thought process. But what are we going to do about it all? I don’t know. I wish I did, but there are so many things in this life that don’t quite make sense at times, and we are here trying to make sense of them all. It sucks, it really does. But what else are you supposed to do about it? I don’t know.
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What Is Wrong With Death

 People are afraid of death. I don't know why that is. Shouldn't people be looking forward to death? It's a release from all mortal concerns and worries. Any impairment you have will be gone once you die. I'm not suggesting anyone kill themselves, no that wouldn't be right. But death caused just by itself should be a happy thing. Sure, we'll miss those who pass on, but eventually we will see them again.

So, I ask, what is wrong with death? Maybe people are afraid of going through the process of death and feeling the pain of death. I can understand that. I don't want to die in a painful way. But I'm not the one who decides how I will die. Sure, I can do myself in, but the way I have in mind would be painful. Probably the reason I haven't tried it yet. Who knows.

I often wonder what's on the other side of death. I have seen family members die and I wonder what they're up to. There doesn't seem to be a good reason to think about that, but I do. It's just life for me. I guess.

Being depressed makes me think about death a lot. I don't like it and am trying to figure out a way to make the thoughts stop. The voices on the other hand, they don't stop. They are constantly against me. I don't think it's fair that I'm being hit on two sides, possibly more.

If death will bring peace to my life, I welcome it. Because there is so much chaos in my life right now. I can't keep track of anything at the moment. It scares me. There seems to be no relief from it all. I don't understand how I can be this overwhelmed. There's just too much to think about right now. I guess I'll just take it as is and wonder when it will all stop.

Life doesn't feel like it matters if death is the final destination. It doesn't matter what you do in this life, you'll die anyways. What's the point of it all? I guess a final judgment day will come where all of your deeds here on Earth will be judged. Is it fair to judge someone based on a few minutes compared to eternity? I'm not sure about that.

Right now, I'd rather be dead than alive. Yeah, I want to be dead. I wouldn't have to worry about worldly things anymore. There would be no need to worry about anything in this life. I'd miss people, sure, but I would see them again eventually. I want to go where my dad went. That's what I want.

Maybe I can't have what I want. I'll have to deal with not having anything. It makes no sense right now, I understand that. But what are you supposed to do about something that just won't go away. These thoughts, I've had them for months now. Ever since he passed.

So, I want to die. It's almost like I'm obsessed with it. But I probably am not. It's just a goal I have in life. To eventually get there. I don't know how that will happen. I just know it will eventually happen when I least expect it. Might as well live life for now, I guess.

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