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Not Doing Well

 Woke up at 3:30 this morning. Been awake since. It's now 5 am. I don't know what to do about it all, I wish I didn't feel this way. But I do. it would be nice to be able to figure all of this out. Why am I awake so early? What am I doing up?

There doesn't seem to be much to do at this early point in the morning. So, I'm watching Crusade. It's a spin-off of Babylon 5. I just found out there are a handful of viewing orders for the show. Talk about a crazy thought. I get it though, the network wanted certain episodes aired before others. Mostly to capture viewer attention and interest. But if they don't make sense watching them in that order, why bother.

All I know is watching a tv show can help distract my thoughts from what is considered normal. I'm not sure I understand what is normal these days. All I know is I miss someone. The love of my life. I've been away from her for over a month now and I cannot stand it. I want to get back to her so much. But things are complicated and I don't know when that day will come. What's there to do besides wait. It hurts.

I hate when I don't know what to do about something. It's so very annoying.

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