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Anxious Today, WTF?

I am rather anxious today. I think it has to do with the medication(s) I am on at the moment. Doctor changed some medications, added some, did some other things put me back on medications I haven’t been on in a while…the same ol’ same ol’. Anti-Psychotic meds work wonders when they work, they’re amazing. When your mind doesn’t want them to work? Well, that’s when things become quite a problem. I hate to admit it, but life doesn’t always work the way we want it to work. What can I say? It’s a mess at times. There’s nothing wrong with that, but to say it’s not complex is a complete overhaul of whatever there is. Talk about a mixed bag of nuts. Someone doesn’t understand everything there is to understand about it all. If I wasn’t anxious, today would be a better day than it is. But, well I am so there’s nothing I can do about it. I wish there was…but there isn’t so I’ll just have to deal with whatever comes my way. Such a bummer if you think about it all. Nothing is ever cureable. Every...
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I Wish I Knew

 There are times in life when we just simply do not know how to move forward. I wish I knew what to do about those times that come up. Unfortunately, I do not know exactly how to handle them. There are so many things out there in the world that are difficult in these trying times. So many ways to go about doing the same thing. There doesn't appear to be a simple way to proceed without stomping all over myself. That's how I feel about it at least. I don't know how everyone else feels, maybe the same, possibly different. I don't know. I'm not sure I want to know. It probably doesn't really matter as it is now does it. Maybe it just doesn't matter. Maybe this life doesn't matter. I wish I could die and just move on from this place. Is that too much to ask? It hasn't happened yet no matter how much I plead with God for some kind of release from this life. I guess there's more for me to do. He's probably getting tired of hearing from me too. I know I would be.

When I think about death, I think how sweet it would be to finally be done with this mortal coil. There's nothing I would like more than to be freed from pain and suffering. The likes of which only I know for myself. Sometimes I wish I could just get a hint of what the next life has in store for me. I'll accept whatever fate I am dealt due to my actions in this life. I get that's a part of it. God's grace can only go so far, you have to be held accountable for your own actions at some point.

Life doesn't last forever. There's always an end hiding around the corner somewhere. I only wish I knew when that end would get here. There doesn't appear to be any other way about it. Life needs to end. That's all which matters to me right now. I would be so relieved if that were the case. Something tells me that won't be happening anytime soon though, a shame really.

Maybe I need to stop worrying about it all. Perhaps that is the answer to my prayers. I'm not sure how any of it works out in the end. It could be something quite convoluted. Who really knows anymore. I sure don't. Perhaps it doesn't matter anymore. If that's the case, it can all be tabled for now. Why bother.

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