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Anxious Today, WTF?

I am rather anxious today. I think it has to do with the medication(s) I am on at the moment. Doctor changed some medications, added some, did some other things put me back on medications I haven’t been on in a while…the same ol’ same ol’. Anti-Psychotic meds work wonders when they work, they’re amazing. When your mind doesn’t want them to work? Well, that’s when things become quite a problem. I hate to admit it, but life doesn’t always work the way we want it to work. What can I say? It’s a mess at times. There’s nothing wrong with that, but to say it’s not complex is a complete overhaul of whatever there is. Talk about a mixed bag of nuts. Someone doesn’t understand everything there is to understand about it all. If I wasn’t anxious, today would be a better day than it is. But, well I am so there’s nothing I can do about it. I wish there was…but there isn’t so I’ll just have to deal with whatever comes my way. Such a bummer if you think about it all. Nothing is ever cureable. Every...
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Damn This Life

 This stupid life gets in the way of everything. I don't know how else to put it. It can be annoying at times, aggressive, and simply straight down terrible. I don't know where to store these feelings I have about life. They come and go and there's no real place to put them. I feel terrible having these feelings. I don't know how else to react to my life. It just feels sad and lonely. I am alone. There are no other feelings to actually feel. I don't know what to do with any of it.

If I had the ability to suppress these feelings, I would. But I can't. There's no way to make them simply disappear. I must continue forward with these feelings intact, being aggressive towards me, and strive to be able to withstand whatever comes my way. There is no other choice but to endure.

Endure. Such a strange word for what I have to go through. I'm not sure I understand what is going on with this life, just that I need to have it collapse at some point in time. There is nothing else to be done about it. If I survive the fall of my own demise, then I continue forward onto something else. But if I fail, even for an instant, I am finished.

I don't believe there is any other way through this but endurance. I wish there were some other way to get through this life. Some kind of peace that I could find within myself. But I cannot find such things. There is nothing I am able to do about any of it. If I die, I will know I have done everything I could have done to avoid that which is bothering me. If I live, then it is simply more torture.

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