One would think this life would be easier than it currently is. I mean come on wouldn’t ou think that? Of course you would. So why can’t we each believe in it I for one would want to believe in it. It would give me something to do with my day at least. But well there’s something else on my mind. We have to be able to understand what it is exactly, if we don’t? Then that’s something quite different now isn’t it? Yeah that’s what I was thinking.
This stupid life gets in the way of everything. I don't know how else to put it. It can be annoying at times, aggressive, and simply straight down terrible. I don't know where to store these feelings I have about life. They come and go and there's no real place to put them. I feel terrible having these feelings. I don't know how else to react to my life. It just feels sad and lonely. I am alone. There are no other feelings to actually feel. I don't know what to do with any of it.
If I had the ability to suppress these feelings, I would. But I can't. There's no way to make them simply disappear. I must continue forward with these feelings intact, being aggressive towards me, and strive to be able to withstand whatever comes my way. There is no other choice but to endure.
Endure. Such a strange word for what I have to go through. I'm not sure I understand what is going on with this life, just that I need to have it collapse at some point in time. There is nothing else to be done about it. If I survive the fall of my own demise, then I continue forward onto something else. But if I fail, even for an instant, I am finished.
I don't believe there is any other way through this but endurance. I wish there were some other way to get through this life. Some kind of peace that I could find within myself. But I cannot find such things. There is nothing I am able to do about any of it. If I die, I will know I have done everything I could have done to avoid that which is bothering me. If I live, then it is simply more torture.
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