Skip to main content

Thoughts

 I feel worthless, useless, I tire of such thoughts. Yet they exist and I have to deal with them. The voices are strong today. They want me to accept my fate and simply die. There is no other way about it. I must die. Living is no longer an option.

Yet the other side of my brain tells me that I must continue forward. I do not know why, it doesn't feel like explaining to me. A shame really, I wish I had a reason for it. But I don't. Answers would be good right now, really good. Unfortunately, nothing I do or say can help me out of this situation. I am but a puppet it feels, someone else is controlling the strings that make me think, talk, and move. Oh, how I wish this wasn't the case. I wonder what all these thoughts are about.

They're the typical thoughts that process through my mind. Death is but a steppingstone, I don't understand why I cannot proceed. The intrusive thoughts don't stop. The voices don't stop. They all want me dead. I do not know why they want me dead, I just know that's what they demand. It makes no sense to me at all. I wish I had the ability to grasp and truly understand what is going on here. What is this life meant to be for me. Is it supposed to be torture as it currently is. If so, then it's doing its job.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suicidal Ideation

 Over the years I've had to deal with suicidal ideation. Those are thoughts of being dead, some more extreme than others. It causes issues for me a lot of the time. It's not an easy thing to talk about at all. Here's what it is: Suicidal ideation ( suicidal thoughts )  are thoughts or ideas centered around death or suicide . Experiencing suicidal ideation doesn’t mean you’re going to kill yourself, but it can be a warning sign.
Post a Comment
Read more

Ever Wonder

 Ever just sit and wonder about the things to wonder about? There are so many things that you can enjoy and think about or wonder about. It's just possible that you would be able to do such a thing. I'm not certain how it would go for you, as I am only a person. I don't know how you feel. So here we are, just waiting for something amazing to happen. It doesn't happen all the time unfortunately. It can be annoying at best.
Post a Comment
Read more

Multidimensional Arrays

Ah Multidimensional Arrays. Nothing too crazy in JavaScript. Just a little bit of this and that. So typical arrays are fun and easy. You create them like so: var colors = new Array(); colors[0] = "Red"; colors[1] = "Yellow"; colors[2] = "Blue"; Well that's fine and dandy, but what if you want to associate something with each of those? For example, what if you wanted to create a menu? You'll need at minimum a link name and a target. We could do something like this: var colors = new Array(); colors[0] = new Array(); colors[0][0] = "red.htm"; colors[0][1] = "Red"; colors[1] = new Array(); colors[1][0] = "yellow.htm"; colors[1][1] = "Yellow"; colors[2] = new Array(); colors[2][0] = "blue.htm"; colors[2][1] = "Blue"; function createColors() { document.write('<ul id="colors">'); for (var i = 0; i < colors.length; i++) { var link = colors[i][0]; ...
Post a Comment
Read more