Skip to main content

I Hate Life

 I wish I could just tur over and die already. I am not a fan of life. It hurts, there are too many things going on and not enough time to do them in. My heart is heavy today. It's been heavy for a while now; I haven't been paying attention to it. Well things are coming to a head. I wish I could make the pain go away. But I can't. So much pain going through my head right now. I suffer because of it and it shows. To some people, they might not see it. I can put on a happy face. But to others who really know me, they see though the face and see what's going on. I need to figure out how I got to this place and free myself from it. Luckly therapy is coming up; I'll be able to figure out something by then I hope. Hope is such a broad term isn't it. You can say you hope for a million things. You can hope all you want; those millions of things aren't going to be happening.

Nothing seems to really matter anymore. I don't know how else to put it. Something's got to give. I just don't know what that something is yet. I wish I was okay mentally. But I'm not, and that scares me. But so many things scare me these days. There's nothing I can do about it really. Life just continues to move forward leaving me behind and I have to play catch up. I'm not that great of playing catch up mind you. I try my best, but I still lack a certain finesse in doing it. Whatever happens, here I am.

I've been feeling lost lately. There's nothing really to say about it, I just feel lost like I have no place to go. There needs to be a way to overcome these thoughts and feelings I have. I try to stop thinking about them, but I don't seem to know how to do that. So many wishes I have, and I can't seem to find the answer to the one wish I most desire. It seems silly if you think about it. I just wish I knew.

But I don't know now do I? No, I didn't think so. I will eventually figure out a way to move past all of this pain and suffering. Eventually. I just don't know how to do that right now.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suicidal Ideation

 Over the years I've had to deal with suicidal ideation. Those are thoughts of being dead, some more extreme than others. It causes issues for me a lot of the time. It's not an easy thing to talk about at all. Here's what it is: Suicidal ideation ( suicidal thoughts )  are thoughts or ideas centered around death or suicide . Experiencing suicidal ideation doesn’t mean you’re going to kill yourself, but it can be a warning sign.
Post a Comment
Read more

Didn't Sleep

 What's the point of sleep anymore if I can't sleep? I don't think I slept any good last night. I was awake at 3 am wondering to myself, what on earth am I doing awake? Yeah, that happened. It doesn't make any sense. Fortunately, it's the weekend. So, I can catch up on sleep tonight. I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, so it's a good opportunity to actually sleep for once. Whatever the case, I hope I'll be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. We will see what happens.
Post a Comment
Read more

Babylon 5 Destruction

 I always get emotional watching the last episode of Babylon 5. Especially the destruction of the station. There are so many good memories of the series that it's just emotional watching JMS flipping the switch and the station exploding as the last transport leaves. It's like oh the series is really over. The station has served its purpose not needed anymore. Was peace ever really achieved though? It makes me wonder. I've only watched the series once all the way through, I'm on a second rewatch. One of my favorite characters is Mr. Morden. I'm not sure why that's the case, he's creepy as all get out. I just know that he intrigues me for some reason or another. Kosh is also a mystery, but he's meant to be that way. He's an alien that no one seems to understand or grasp. The whole story arc is simply amazing. It was television ahead of its time. I'm glad it was made. Talk about a brilliant television series. It was one of the first serialized shows...
Post a Comment
Read more