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What If?

One would think this life would be easier than it currently is. I mean come on wouldn’t ou think that? Of course you would. So why can’t we each believe in it I for one would want to believe in it. It would give me something to do with my day at least. But well there’s something else on my mind. We have to be able to understand what it is exactly, if we don’t? Then that’s something quite different now isn’t it? Yeah that’s what I was thinking.
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I Hate Life

 I wish I could just tur over and die already. I am not a fan of life. It hurts, there are too many things going on and not enough time to do them in. My heart is heavy today. It's been heavy for a while now; I haven't been paying attention to it. Well things are coming to a head. I wish I could make the pain go away. But I can't. So much pain going through my head right now. I suffer because of it and it shows. To some people, they might not see it. I can put on a happy face. But to others who really know me, they see though the face and see what's going on. I need to figure out how I got to this place and free myself from it. Luckly therapy is coming up; I'll be able to figure out something by then I hope. Hope is such a broad term isn't it. You can say you hope for a million things. You can hope all you want; those millions of things aren't going to be happening.

Nothing seems to really matter anymore. I don't know how else to put it. Something's got to give. I just don't know what that something is yet. I wish I was okay mentally. But I'm not, and that scares me. But so many things scare me these days. There's nothing I can do about it really. Life just continues to move forward leaving me behind and I have to play catch up. I'm not that great of playing catch up mind you. I try my best, but I still lack a certain finesse in doing it. Whatever happens, here I am.

I've been feeling lost lately. There's nothing really to say about it, I just feel lost like I have no place to go. There needs to be a way to overcome these thoughts and feelings I have. I try to stop thinking about them, but I don't seem to know how to do that. So many wishes I have, and I can't seem to find the answer to the one wish I most desire. It seems silly if you think about it. I just wish I knew.

But I don't know now do I? No, I didn't think so. I will eventually figure out a way to move past all of this pain and suffering. Eventually. I just don't know how to do that right now.

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