Ever stop to wonder what’s in a simple day like today? There’s no guarantee that today will bring about anything substantial. In fact, today could be a big flop on the ground and no one would notice. I don’t know how any of that tends to work out though. It’s life right? Oh life, what are you even on about? I don’t understand you at times. It would be nice to be able to grasp something, even if it’s out of thin air, to understand and realize what that’s all about. But alas I cannot do that. It is life after all, and we cannot really understand anything that comes our way. If I had the ability to realize my own potential, I think I could benefit from it all. But I don’t know how to do that. It’s a shame really, to want to be able to do something with this life and then to be stuck without any reason for it? Yeah, no bueno.
I'm on the verge of a mental break; I can feel it. I would rather not go through this. But I don't know what to do about it. There has to be a way of combatting this feeling. I don't want to be put back in a psych ward for who knows how long. I don't want to be there. It feels like a waste of time to be honest. I wish I could overcome these feelings I'm having. Anything will do; I just don't want these feelings. Not everyone understands what's going on with me. Either they don't care or don't want to listen. They say they don't understand. If they don't understand then they should educate themselves. All it takes is a Google search. Oh, that pisses me off the most. I don't understand so I won't help you. That kind of mentality doesn't make sense to me.
So many things I wish for. People to understand me is one of those wishes. My own family to understand me and what's going on is one of those wishes. I try to explain it to them. They either don't want to listen, or they just won't listen. I don't know what the difference is between the two. But it's not good.
I want my brain to give me a break. It's working overtime it feels like to keep me sane. There's not much I can do about it. It feels so weird to be saying this. But I wish my brain could just take a holiday. Not worry about anything, not stress about anything. It needs to calm down somehow. I don't know how it will calm down but that's one thing it has to do before I can feel normal again.
Hell, what even is "normal?" How does it feel? What does it feel like? I'm not sure I've ever known what normal has felt like. It's a shame really. I want so many things for my life. Feeling normal is one of them. I don't feel normal. I feel off. I don't know which way I'm supposed to go anymore. It's all a blur. I'm sure eventually it will come about, when that time will come. I have no clue. I look forward to that day.
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