Skip to main content

Life Why Are You So Fucked Up?

Ever wonder why this life is so messed up? I sure as hell do! I don’t get it. I mean we’re here for a reason…maybe. I don’t understand anything about it though. I wish I did, it would be nice to be able to grasp something about this life and not simply expect it to be here whenever we need it to be. Yet that’s exactly what we do! We expect life to be here for us and we don’t want to give anything back, talk about an annoying thought process. But what are we going to do about it all? I don’t know. I wish I did, but there are so many things in this life that don’t quite make sense at times, and we are here trying to make sense of them all. It sucks, it really does. But what else are you supposed to do about it? I don’t know.
Post a Comment

Def Not Doing Well

 Everything feels like I'm going to just start shaking no matter what. I can't control the feeling. I'm itching like crazy too. Woke up at 2 am this morning and could not get back to sleep for the life of me. I stayed awake for a good hour before finally falling back asleep. If these are medication withdrawals, I don't want them. I hate medication and if I'm feeling these symptoms because of going off my meds, then it's something else. I wish I could get past all of this. There doesn't seem to be a good reason for any of it. Scratch that, I know there's a reason. There's always a reason for something happening. Oh, it feels terrible.

I know the answer. Go back on your meds. Well, I will when I have a chance to. I haven't had the chance to go see a doctor yet. That's part of the problem and reason why I'm not on my medication. Once I do that then it'll take another thirty days of the meds getting used to my system again, or vice versa. Whichever happens first. I just feel like screaming right now. But I know that won't do me any good. So, I'll keep quiet. No point in talking this over with anyone either. They'll just tell me everything I already know. Go back on my meds.

So, I'll just complain here instead. Feels good to shout out into the void where no one can here you scream.

The quiet is so annoying. But I don't like a lot of noise either. It's a tossup most days. What I need is for this life to be over. Something has got to give and if that something doesn't do it quickly, then I need to figure out a way for it to make it so it happens. I don't want to feel this way, yet I do. Disconnected from reality can really bite you in the ass at times.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Schizoaffective Disorder

I want to say it first began in High School when I thought I was trying to beat the devil. Now when I say I was "trying to beat the devil", I mean I actually thought I was hearing the devil speak to me at night and that I had to find some way to overcome him. Looking back I should have sought professional help then. I remember telling a friend about this experience, and he looked at me like I was nuts. Talk about craziness right? Yeah something like that. I believe my first mental break was when I was serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints . I wanted to go home so bad. It could have just been homesickness . But...there was something more to it. About halfway through I was just done with it all. I had had enough of rejection and wanted to go home. But I was afraid that I was unable to because I would simply be told no . I know that sounds silly to people. But that's what happened. I didn't b...
Post a Comment
Read more

Didn't Sleep

 What's the point of sleep anymore if I can't sleep? I don't think I slept any good last night. I was awake at 3 am wondering to myself, what on earth am I doing awake? Yeah, that happened. It doesn't make any sense. Fortunately, it's the weekend. So, I can catch up on sleep tonight. I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, so it's a good opportunity to actually sleep for once. Whatever the case, I hope I'll be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. We will see what happens.
Post a Comment
Read more

ColdFusion

So recently, I decided to include ColdFusion in my Linux setup. I was going to just run Tomcat and install CF that way, but well I decided against that route and installed ColdFusion 9 using the regular methods. It's been running quite smoothly if I do say so myself. I of course don't have the installation instructions anymore. Oops. I suppose I could Google for them again and make a copy or something. But well if my server ever crashes and I have to start all over again, yeah I'll worry aobut it then. FOr now, not so much. So here's my current setup: MySQL PHP Perl ColdFusion 9 Yeah something like that. Not too bad if I do say so myself. Of course what else would I say about it? You know I wouldn't ever say anything bad about my own server setup. Well unless I already have, if that's the case. Oops. Disregard that blog post. So yep, I think I'll have some fun with all of that for sure.
Post a Comment
Read more