Why is Suicide Frowned On?

 They say suicide is frowned on. Ending one's own life should be allowed for that person, shouldn't it? But no, people say it's against God and isn't natural and all of that. Is there a verse in the bible against suicide? I know there are stories in the bible about people killing themselves, but is there a specific verse that says thou shalt not kill yourself? I don't think there is one. There is the sin against murder, and killing yourself might be considered murder maybe? It's killing is it not? I'm not sure if that is even in the same space as the rest of it.

What's it to God if I choose to kill myself? He placed me here, I get that. But that doesn't mean my life isn't my own to do with as I please. Or does it. It becomes quite confusing at times to think this through. What makes this life so special! I don't get it. We are here for a short while and there is nothing stopping us from ending it. If I understood everything, I wouldn't be asking this question, now, would I?

The mind can be a very scary place to visit from time to time. So many thoughts entering and exiting. So many feelings of anger to be found. I wish I could simply get them all out of my head. But I don't know if there's a possibility to do any of that. I mean we are here. For whatever reason. If I chose to come here, then there should be a reason. But if I chose to come here, shouldn't I have the choice to leave as well? It seems like there should be a simple answer to this question. I do not have it though. If there was a simple way to make sense of it all.

Job went through hell due to a bet between God and Satan. He could have taken his own life but never did. He kept walking through hell to get where he ended up. Might be a good refresher to read through that again. If I had the ability or the courage to do so, I wouldn't be here I don't think. There are so many thoughts running through my mind at the moment. I cannot express how any of them would turn out though. It is simply a mistake in my thinking; it has to be. Perhaps that is my answer. I am not thinking clearly on the subject.

A quote comes to mind from Bruce Lee:

“Empty your mind.

Be formless, shapeless, like water.

You put water into a cup; it becomes the cup.

You put water into a bottle; it becomes the bottle.

You put it into a teapot; it becomes the teapot.

Now water can flow, or it can crash.

Be water, my friend.”

— Bruce Lee

I think that sums up a great deal of things. I'm not sure exactly what it means, but it's a good quote. Maybe I need to be more like water, be more flexible with my life and allow it to become something better than it currently is. I'm not sure that's how it works though. It could be something more difficult than that. I'm not sure I am coming up with any answers to my query. Perhaps a different take on it all would be good.

Adam and Eve when in the Garden of Eden chose to eat of the apple. This caused spiritual death to come upon them. They separated themselves from God. Isn't this a form of suicide? What happened to them? They were cast out of Eden and came to the world as it is today. They had to work for their food and repent in order to come back to God's grace. Because of their transgression, we were able to come into this world. As we wouldn't have been made possible without them going through that. We wouldn't be here without Adam and Eve doing what they did. Where did they end up when they died? I imagine they went to Heaven.

So, what's stopping me you wonder. What's stopping me from killing myself. Well, there's a one-word answer to that. Fear. Fear keeps me from doing that. From expiring my life into nothingness. I don't understand how fear can keep me both alive and want to die at the same time. It doesn't make any sense to me. Yet here I am living proof of whatever it is I am trying to figure out. I seem to have lost perspective of what it is I am trying to prove or disprove. Such a shame when that happens. I do not know exactly what is going on anymore. This life will be over before I know it. Either by my own hand or by God taking me out of it. It will be over. Wishing for such a departure has done nothing for me.

Praying about it has done nothing. I am still here. What is my purpose if I am still here? I'm not sure I quite understand what is going on anymore. I live because that is what was chosen for me. I should have died as a baby, but God had other plans for me. If His plans were for me to experience this depression, I'm not sure I get it.

There are so many things in this life that don't make sense anymore. I wish I could simply snap my fingers and make everything have some kind of sense to it. I do not know how to make that possible. If I had the ability to see into the other side of things, the LDS call it the veil of life, I wonder if I could see clear enough to make things better. Unfortunately, I cannot see through to the other side. It is not in my ability to do so.

When the ability to think clearly isn't there anymore. What is the point of it all? Is there something I can do to simply make everything better? I do not know. There are so many questions in this life that I do not know the answer to and that scares the hell out of me. If only there were a way to see through all the red tape and get to where I actually need to be.

I fear the obstacle in my way is myself. I am the one keeping me from knowing the answer to these things. Perhaps with further study I might be able to actually come up with the answer I am seeking for. Maybe then I will be able to get somewhere. I am not sure if that is the answer I need though. There appears to be too many questions going through my mind right now. It is always questions and never an answer to get me through any of this. Such a strange thought process I know. It will eventually come to me. Only time will tell.

So, I ask again, why is suicide frowned upon?