Worry

 Worry comes to me at times when I least expect it. I don't like it. I'm not a fan of it at all. I wish I could figure out exactly what is going on in these times of worry. But I'm not sure I am able to. So instead of figuring out what's going on with my head, I worry. I should be able to figure it out, maybe I just need more time. That could be a possibility. Worry is such an annoying thing to... worry about. Yeah, that sounded bad. But you know what I mean, right? Right?!

With worry comes stress. Stressful situations arrive and there's nothing I can do about it. Anxiety follows suit and I feel like I want to just hide from the world. How can a person hide from the world with a blanket if there's no place to hide? Hiding isn't ever good I don't think. There are so many problems in this life that I cannot comprehend them all at once.

Why must I deal with these things? I'm not sure I understand. There seems to be a lot of things going on in my head and nothing I can do about it can fix anything. It's all a mess, it really is. If life is such a mess, why can't I deal with it? There's just too much to do in my mind and there isn't enough time to do it all. Something has got to give. I don't know what that something is though. If there's anything I am able to do I have got to find a way to do it, otherwise I am lost and unable to do anything.

So many "it would be nice to haves" in this life. Yet here we are wondering if those nice to haves are actually anything of importance. I bet they aren't. There has got to be something I am able to do about any of this. Something I can contribute to my own mind that would allow me to comprehend everything that is going on. The worry has got to end. I don't know how to make it end, so I feel stuck. It's almost like being stuck in time. Nowhere to go, forward or backward. You can't really do anything about it. You're stuck. There's no way to get around it.

If I knew what to do, I wouldn't be in this situation now would I? No, I didn't think so. Perhaps there is another way to go about this life. If I could figure it out, I would totally go with that option. But I'm not sure there is a way to even think that possibility through.

I'm still suffering through grief and loss, I think. I tend to try to ignore it all. But sometimes you just can't ignore any of it. There's a lot of pressure to try and get past it all. I don't know how to do any of it though. I feel like I don't belong here or anywhere for that matter. I'm not quite certain how to express myself in that regard. There just doesn't seem to be a way to figure it all out.

I suppose it doesn't matter if I'm stuck in time, or stuck where I am. There's no place to go at this moment in time. I wish I knew how to best overcome these thoughts though. There must be a way to overcome everything I am going through. I hope there is a way at least. There's a catch though, there isn't a way through this life that I know of. I can only hold on and hope for something good to happen. If nothing good happens, then nothing good happens and I am just here. So, I best hang on for the ride and see all that happens.