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Maybe I Just Don't Care

 There are a lot of things in this life to worry and stress over. What if I just don't care about those things anymore? What happens to me then! So many thoughts and worries flow through my mind at any given time of the day, and I am stuck with whatever there is to be stuck with. I don't have the ability to quiet them. They rage on.

It would be nice to be able to use my tools in my toolbox to combat these feelings and thoughts, but I just don't know how to go about doing it. I try the deep breathing exercises they give me a headache. There doesn't feel like there's anything I am able to do about any of it. Yet I continue on in this stupid misery called life trying to figure it all out. Talk about being messed up. My brain feels like it wants to explode. I honestly feel like breaking down and crying right now.

But I know that's not an option. It never is an option. I have to be strong at some point in life, don't I? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Crying will do me no good at all. So, forget about it. Stupid emotions.

Maybe this life doesn't matter anymore. Could that be it? I'm not sure. It would be nice to be able to figure things out some way or another. But I just don't know how to make sense of it all. Life will simply cease to exist one of these days and we won't know the difference to any of it. That's just how this life seems to work out. But what can you do about it? There's not much you can do. Living life needs to have a purpose, some reason to exist and go forward. I don't know what that is anymore.

I guess I'll just have to figure it out as I go along. There isn't much else I can do right now except for believe God will sort things out eventually. Putting my trust in God's hands has to be the only answer I can come up with.

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