I've done it before; I'll probably do it again eventually. I've prayed for death, for this life to be over. I see no purpose in it anymore. Life is crawling to a standstill as it were. I am slowly falling my way out of tune with it all. I don't know what to do anymore. Just wait for the end to come. I doubt it will come quickly enough for me. No, there must be another way out of this life. Prayer doesn't seem to be helping me much. I wish I could speed up time to the point of death. That might be a good thing for me. There's nothing wrong with my thinking is there? No I don't think there is. I think this thinking is normal for a person under stress. To simply be free from it all would be amazing. I wish I could make it happen, but I can't. Not by myself. There has to be a different way to come about this. It is inevitable, isn't it? Death that is. It will eventually capture us all in its grasp. Why not allow it to happen sooner rather than later.
I just want this life to come to an end. I want to be at peace. Not being able to sleep good at night is troublesome. I wake up in the middle of the night and then again long before I am to wake up. I manage to fall back asleep at times, but not always. This morning, I woke up around 2:30ish and then was able to fall back asleep only to wake up a little later. I now have to deal with dragging through my day in order to hopefully get through this. I don't understand it all. Maybe I won't ever understand any of it. It is what it is.
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