Life Is Meaningless

 Life Is Meaningless. There's nothing I am able to do that will make it meaningful. So many things in this life and I have yet to even reach the tip of the iceberg. If I had an idea of what was going on with life, I would be able to tell you so. But I don't. I don't know how to make life meaningful in the slightest. It feels empty, an empty shell without the ability to speak forth words of truth. I should clarify my life is meaningless. Life itself can be interesting, if that's the correct word for it. My life is pointless as it comes about. I find things that are more pointless every day that I am here. What's the point of life if eventually everyone dies? That's what I would like to know.

Everyone will die. There is no point to any of it. If everyone dies, then what are we all doing here. Some people try and stay alive as long as they can. They get ill, they strive to prolong their life. For what? What's the purpose of it all. To me there seems to be no purpose. Life is simply that pointless. No one can tell you otherwise. Why would it matter to begin with. When there's nothing to look forward to, why does any of it matter. I don't understand.

I'm sure there are possibilities out there. Possibilities for what though? What makes those possibilities necessary for anything that is possible? I'm not even sure I understand that question I pose. There is so much going on that I don't grasp what can be done about any of it. I wish I could make sense of it all. But I can't and because of that, I will be drowning in space waiting for something good to come along and happen. But that might never occur. Space is vast and there are so many places you can go before running into a brick wall.

If I could make sense out of it all, what would that even look like. Would it glow and bright up the world? I doubt it. Would I feel enlightened from any of it? I don't know. Too many questions to be heard or answered at this point in time. Too many questions to be ignored by those who would ignore them. None of it matters to begin with. So let it all come to an end. There is no point in making any of it matter. I don't care anymore. There's no reason to care. It's all moot as it is.

If life had a purpose, I fail to see what it is or was for that matter. Maybe its purpose has changed over the years. I don't know. There are too many possibilities out there for this life. I'm not sure I understand them all. Why does any of it matter though. What purpose does it serve?

They say man was made to have joy. (Well, the Book of Mormon teaches that. 2nd Nephi 2:25) If that's the case, why is there pain and suffering in this life. Wouldn't a loving God want to not see His children suffer? Or go through hardships and pain? I get it, it's all a part of life. But that doesn't mean it's not difficult. The screaming can stop anytime now.

Too many voices fighting to be made known. Just too many damn voices. They each want their way. But that's not how anything works. Not everyone can have a voice in this life. They may want a voice, a way to get their point across. But that's not always the case. It doesn't always work that way. Life gets in the way, and we are left picking up the pieces of what's left over. That's just how this life is at times. I guess.

Maybe we aren't meant to understand everything in life. Perhaps we are meant to have questions that don't ever get answered during this life. They will get answered in the hereafter. The life after this life that is. Maybe that's how it's all supposed to work out, and we just don't have a clue.

If we understood all that was required of us, I think we would be more bothered by the outcome than we currently are with life. People would be scared of what would happen to them. I know I would be. Hell, I'm scared right now of what this life will turn out to be. What the afterlife will be like for me and whatnot. I don't think it's unreasonable to be scared about the unknown. I have been this way for a while now.

The noise in my brain is too loud today. I can't seem to get ahold of myself. I wish it weren't this way, but it is. Trying to calm down is but a chore for myself. The screaming is too much right now. No way for me to concentrate on my thoughts or even make a coherent thought work. If I am unable to focus, what's the point of even today. There has to be a way to make everything slow down and not bother me. But I don't know how that is possible. Life feels like it's moving too fast at the moment. I don't like it.

Too many things going on right now. It's just what this life does to me. It would be nice to be able to figure out what's going on with this life, yet I'm not sure I understand how to make it so I can understand it all. It brings a headache to me to be honest. I hate my life somedays. There is too much going on in it, and I can't grab hold of what's important.

Something has to give. I don't know what exactly that is per se, but something has to give. I need to be able to have control over whatever enters my mind. But it's too much of a chaos filled space to entertain all that is encompassing my brain. Does that make sense? If not, well I don't know what to tell you.

It's difficult not wanting to live. There doesn't appear to be a way to simply exist in this life. I want something more than this life can offer, but I don't know how to make it happen. Life is just a mess for me at times. A huge mess that I am unable to control or even contemplate a control over. If only I had the ability. It's an easy phrase to utter, but it doesn't mean it will make sense to anyone. Especially myself.

I remember once in school, I had to come up with a contact management database application. There were so many requirements to get right. Ah... I was going somewhere with this thought, but I seem to have forgotten what it was.

Tired today. There has to be some kind of energy level to come up with. I don't know how to do that. Too many thoughts running through my head, unable to keep up with everything that is going on. It's been a day, that's for sure. If I had the ability to grab hold of life by the horns and just take it as it comes to me. If only that were the way to do it, I don't know how else to make things happen. I don't want to think about this anymore, at least not right now.

So many things I want from this life. There are just too many things wrong with it. I don't think I could grab hold of anything right now. It's too complex of a thought to think of right now. What is it I want? What do you want? Everyone wants something out of this life, don't they? One would think so. I want things to make things better. Life has to be better somehow; I just don't know how that is possible.

Sadness will always be here for me to experience. There is no other way about it. That's life. It's pretty messed up if you ask me, but what in this life isn't messed up. I'm not sure I even know the answer to that. So get me to believe in myself! Get me to believe in something. If there were a way to make the sadness go away, I would try it and see what would happen. But I don't know how to make that possible at the moment. It's a shame, it really is. So many things would be nice if I could just figure it all out! I can't though, my brain doesn't want to believe or understand it.

I need a hug and there's no one to hug. I feel down right now. It's not a good day.