Why?

Sometimes I sit back and wonder why. It’s a simple question, it goes along with about four other questions that tend to get answered at the same time. The four w’s and the h. You know the ones I’m talking about:

1. Who
2. What
3. When
4. Where
5. How

Yeah, something like that. Okay, so why isn’t in that list apparently. Maybe we should add it to the list so it’s the five w’s and the one h. Now that would be a good thing, wouldn’t it? I sure hope it would be, if it’s not then there’s something to actually worry about.

Well I didn’t put why in the list apparently, it should be in there I think? Who, what, when, where, why, and how? Yeah that makes more sense to me. I mean why wouldn’t we include the word why? That’s what I was thinking!

There are a lot of why’s in this life. Why’s I don’t have answers to. Why’s I would love to have answers to. But I don’t see that happening anytime soon and I am at a loss for words. I don’t like it when I’m this way, so I try not to be this way very much. Yet it still tends to happen from time to time.

So I just have to sit back and wonder how any of this why business will eventually go down. Will I ever get the answers to my questions? I doubt it. I know I shouldn’t allow it to bother me like it does, but well it bothers me. There’s nothing I can do about that, any of that. If I can’t do anything about it, why do I even bother with it to begin with? That’s another question for another time I suppose.

Maybe I don’t want an answer for to it. Is that possible? I’m not sure it is. I mean, here I am trying to just live and I have this stupid questions in my head. How am I ever going to get over them? How will I manage to survive them? There’s an actual question to be asked here, I know there is. I’m just having a difficult time trying to explain what that question is. So why will have to do for now.

Perhaps the question I should be asking is why not? Instead of why, why not? Will that clear up any of the mud in my brain? I doubt it. This feels like it’s turning into a rambling of sorts and I’m not sure how I feel about any of that. I’m sure I’ll figure out a way to get over that too, everything just takes some time ya know? Yeah that’s what I was thinking. Once the time is over I will be able to simply move on with my thoughts and they won’t bother me anymore. Isn’t that how it’s meant to work? I sure hope so.

I want to say life would make a little bit more sense if certain questions were answered. But I doubt they ever will be. That’s just how the rock tumbles down the hill. We don’t always have the ability to see everything laid out for us. It just doesn’t work out that way. Think about it for a second though. If we did have all the answers to this life, we wouldn’t have to wonder anymore. Wouldn’t that actually be a good thing? I think it would be.

At the end of the day we might never get those answers and we will have to live and deal with that thought for the rest of our lives. It doesn’t sound that bad now does it? No, I didn’t think it would. That’s just how this life plays out in the long run it would seem. But in all of that confusion, still the question remains. Why?

But the word why by itself isn’t a full question without some context I think. So perhaps we should add some context to the question in order to understand it more fully. But I’m not sure I’m ready for more context at this juncture. I think I prefer just to ask the question why and be done with it. I’m just not sure I’m ready for the rest that would have to come along with it right now.¹

I suppose if I did have the ability to figure this all out, sort it out if you will, I would have had the answer a very long time ago. But the truth of the matter is I don’t have the answers I seek. They’re a mystery to me and I cannot seem to figure them out for some reason or another at this present moment in time.

But let’s face facts here. I doubt I will ever get an answer to my question. It’s not specific enough, it’s too general in nature. So many things in this life don’t make much sense anymore. I don’t know how that can be possible. It’s just something life goes through. A phase if you will. If only there were something more concrete, that would be a better opportunity for anything really. But what do I know about it? Nothing to be honest. That’s the main reason for tying to figure all of this out in my head right now. Because I don’t know.

Maybe things aren’t meant to be easy to understand. I’m not so sure about that thought though. I mean it would be nice to be able to figure things out without having to overthink things. That might be a possibility then again it might not. So many uncertainties, too many to count or grasp fully.

What if it’s not meant to be understood though? Am I simply wasting my time at that point? It would seem that I would be wasting my time with any thought process that would have to come afterwards.²

The meaning behind all of this question is simple. I want to know why things happen the way they tend to happen. Is that an impossible question to answer? If it is, then maybe I am asking the wrong question. It might be too broad of a question if I’m thinking about it. A broad question will get broader answers that don’t hit the bullseye.

Maybe I should rephrase my question. But what would I change the question to exactly? Now that thought is troubling to me. What would I ask instead indeed. Quite a quandary I find myself in. I’m not sure I like that thought process.

I was hoping by writing all of this out that I would come to some sort of answer to my question. But it still remains:

Why?

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1. I honestly wonder when I will be ready to ask the big questions. Eventually they have to be asked, don’t they? I mean if I don’t ask them, who will? I doubt anyone will have the guts to ask the right questions. Oh this constant war in my mind isn’t a good thing to have happen right now. It feels like it’s a jumble of words that I cannot grasp or understand.

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2. Is it really a waste of time though if it’s important to me? That I am not so sure about. It feels like Why is the biggest question of the ages. So many people wonder why about so many things. I doubt it’s a complete waste of my time to also wonder why.

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