Ever wonder why this life is so messed up? I sure as hell do! I don’t get it. I mean we’re here for a reason…maybe. I don’t understand anything about it though. I wish I did, it would be nice to be able to grasp something about this life and not simply expect it to be here whenever we need it to be. Yet that’s exactly what we do! We expect life to be here for us and we don’t want to give anything back, talk about an annoying thought process. But what are we going to do about it all? I don’t know. I wish I did, but there are so many things in this life that don’t quite make sense at times, and we are here trying to make sense of them all. It sucks, it really does. But what else are you supposed to do about it? I don’t know.
The look in your eyes drive me crazy like Medusa. I turn to stone with one simple look, and I freeze. I cannot move for I am lost to the forbidden look that you give me. Of course, it's not real it never was. But that's how it feels. You drive me insane with the thoughts that come into my mind. My head wants to explode, but I cannot allow it. I kind of need that head for all the thinking and doing that must be done.
So, I survive another day. If that's all there is, is another day? Then I'm good. If there's more than one more day? Well, I have to find a way to continue forward. Onward as it were to see all that is out there.
Life felt simpler years ago. I didn't have a worry or stressor in the world. But now, now life feels complex and cold to the touch. Interesting how that all works out. It comes and goes in waves, unable to assist me in whatever needs to be done. I am but a mute waiting for the chance to talk. But it never comes.
Oh, what an interesting life I live. If I had the ability to do something, anything, I might be able to stop and think for a moment in order to find out where I'm going. Is that possible? I do not know. I do know that life won't get easier until it is over. However I get to that point, I won't know it until I am there. Funny how simple and complex that thought is at the same time.
It feels like yesterday where I was thinking to myself how easy this life was. But that was then, and this is now. I don't have a way to look back fondly of those times. They are like a scary story waiting for me to enter a dream filled night. But I am awake now and I see the past for what it was. Something that wasn't meant for me, yet I still took that road.
So, I wait until something comes along and allows me to stand up for what I want to believe in. I don't know what that means in anyway, but I do know that life will come to a standstill before I let it end in some fiery death or other fashion. For that simply cannot happen.
Ever listen to a song on the radio? Do people even listen to the radio anymore? I mean they're still broadcasting so I would guess that they are still doing that. Most people stream music these days. I do so on my Alexa device. But even then, on Alexa there are radio stations you can get. Where was I going with this thought? I do not know. I'm sure it was somewhere along the lines of an impact where nothing made sense, and everything made sense all at once. Yes, that's where I am.
I will sit here until everything makes sense in my mind. I cannot allow this life to be able to overtake me. That is just too much to take care of for me. I would scream my mind out if that were the case. I wonder if I should tell them about all that's going on in my head. I mean that's what a therapist gets paid for right? Yeah, that's what I thought. They might think I am too strange for that if I were to tell them everything. Maybe they should just read it in my blog instead. That could be a simple diversion that could be interesting for them to take up as a hobby.
Mistakes are meant to be made in this life. That's how we all learn. You make a mistake and then you have to come back from that mistake understanding what you did wrong so you can avoid from making it in the future. Isn't that how it goes at times? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Well, if mistakes are meant to be made, and we all make them; why are we so hard on ourselves for making the mistake in the first place? I am but a man and do as I wish, is that not enough to understand who I am?
The funny thing about all of this? I have regrets like everyone else. I am harder on myself for the regrets that I have over the ones that I don't have. When life is going fine, I am fine. When life is going to hell? I have a problem with it. I don't know what to do about that or how best to accept that which I cannot accept. If I can't accept anything, then what am I going to do about it all? That is, if acceptance can't be made what's the point? An interesting question, no?
Perhaps I need to rethink whatever it is I have going on in my head. That might be the only way to figure things out.
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