A Nice Place To Visit

 Texas is a nice place to visit but I wouldn't live here. That's all I can really say about that topic. I mean the car congestion alone on the freeway is a bit much for my anxiety ridden brain to handle. The gas prices are good, but it's just not worth living here. I like where I live and that's all there is to it.

I'd like to be able to retire someday. I don't know where I'd like to retire, someplace where there's less stress and like zero anxiety. Yes, that would be something wouldn't it. But that time feels so far away, I don't know exactly when that will happen. Probably when I'm in my late sixties, early seventies. The way things are going, I may never retire and just keep working on the same projects for years to come. Who's to know what that will bring. Retirement is definitely on my goal for the future. Right now, I am content with how things are going. 

Having been in the hospital this past week with my mom, I have learned a lot about patience. That and how you can be tired sitting in a room without any real human interaction. I mean yeah, the nurses pop in and whatnot but you don't want to bother them with questions. Even though it's needed information. Mom's been sleeping a lot which is good. The things are happening the way they are meant to happen.

Life can just be confusing at times. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it except wait for whatever there is that's out there waiting for me. Now that does sound ominous doesn't it. There's always something out there waiting for me. I don't know how else to describe it. It could be that I feel there are people that are out to get me at times. I am not safe wherever I tend to go. They are always there waiting and watching me. Does that make sense? There's nothing I can do about it either. I can only hope they'll go away.

They never do go away of course, what would be the point of them doing that? They like to bug me, love to bother me, love to make my life a living hell. After all that's what they want to do, and if I allow it that's exactly what they'll do. Damn voices and people following me. Why must they follow me? I don't understand it. Always lurking, never leaving me alone. I don't know what it is they want. They've bugged my phone; they're looking into my windows. They are out to get me. People don't see it; they don't see the danger that's out there. But it's real. I know it's real and there's nothing I can do about it.

I need to rest from thinking this way. From the fear and everything else that is going on with me. But I can't. I can't seem to figure out what's going on. I can never figure out what's going on, and that scares me. Why would the government want anything to do with me? I have nothing important to give them, I am but a simple human who has their own problems to take care of. The government doesn't need to be involved with that.

Maybe it's a simulation. The voices in my head have told me this. They know it's a simulation and so it must be. There can be no other explanation to it. That's what this life has led me down to. We are all manifestations of a person who is in charge of the simulation. It's his world, I'm just living in it trying to survive. I don't even know if I have a soul or if I have the ability to leave the simulated world. What's beyond the glass as it were. How would that work out? Would I see the creator of it all?

It's a common scenario for me to feel like this, but what else am I supposed to do about it? I can only live and let live. I can only think about what's going on in this life and hope that everything will align up with something. Something tangible I can grab hold of in order to get through this life. There doesn't seem to be much going on when all of that is happening. Life finds a way to mess with things I think, but that doesn't mean it will always be that way.