Have you ever wanted to escape this world and simply die or get away from it? Yeah, that's how I feel at times. I don't know what to do about it. I need to see a therapist or something. I'm on medication, but that doesn't feel like it's doing enough for me. So I have to figure out...something to do about it all. I don't know though. It scares me. I'm more than scared, if I had the ability to understand what was going on in life, then I could do that. But I can't and that simply seems that life is going to blow up at me in any second now. I wish I could overcome these thoughts and simply make sense of it. Whatever happens, I need reality to be real. Does that make sense? I'm not sure it does. I doubt anything ever makes sense to me anymore. But that's okay. It'll be okay in the end, whenever that will be. If it's not the end, it's not okay yet now is it? No, I didn't think so.
There are days that don't make sense. A lot of days actually. With this whole covid thing going around, I'd rather not think about it. Yet here I am thinking about it.
I need time to think things through. I need a way to make everything better. The sadness that deepens me makes things worse. Who knows what will happen during all that?
It would be nice to be able to snap my fingers and say poof everything is fine. Life doesn't work that way though. No, life doesn't work that way at all. It's an unfortunate thing.
I would rather it did work that way, but no. It can't and it won't.
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