SchizoAffective Disorder

It's a disease that so many people carry in the world. There are so many thought processes on it that I can't even count them all. So, I won't try. I have it myself. What's to say that hasn't already been said?

Stay on top of your medication. You never know what will happen when you go off of your medication. Speaking of which I haven't taken my meds today, I need to. That much is certain. But I haven't yet and I just need to be able to keep sane for one more. day.

Ah yes, one more day. It would be nice to be able to stay strong. But that doesn't always happen. No, somedays are better than others. We don't always have the ability to pick and choose our days. I wish it were that simple, but it's not. So, we must be able to try our hardest to just keep sane.

Keeping sane, sounds easy enough, right? Yeah, I wish it did. But it doesn't and there's no reason for it to. People are afraid when you bring up the fact you have schizoaffective disorder. They don't understand it. What people don't understand scares them. That's all there is to it. There's no reason to be scared. It's nothing I can pass onto someone else. I don't have that ability to share it. No, it's isolated to me. I'm not contagious.

The suicidal thoughts come and go from time to time. I doubt there's anything I'm able to ever do about those. It would be nice to be able to get rid of them...but I can't. All I can do is my best to deal with whatever comes along in my life. It would be nice to be able to simply figure everything out all at once. Again, that feels like a pipe dream.

So many things I wish for. So many things I simply wish I could do to escape everything that is out there. But I'm unable to. I'm held hostage at this point by this crippling disease. Yes, it would be nice to be able to figure things out, but I'm unable to for some reason. Why is that? Why can't I simply figure everything out and just move on? I don't know.

Until that time comes, I'll just have to keep trying to move forward and see everything that's out there.

Suicidal Ideation

Over the years I've had to deal with suicidal ideation. Those are thoughts of being dead, some more extreme than others. It causes issues for me a lot of the time. It's not an easy thing to talk about at all. Here's what it is: Suicidal ideation ( suicidal thoughts ) are thoughts or ideas centered around death or suicide . Experiencing suicidal ideation doesn’t mean you’re going to kill yourself, but it can be a warning sign.

Didn't Sleep

What's the point of sleep anymore if I can't sleep? I don't think I slept any good last night. I was awake at 3 am wondering to myself, what on earth am I doing awake? Yeah, that happened. It doesn't make any sense. Fortunately, it's the weekend. So, I can catch up on sleep tonight. I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, so it's a good opportunity to actually sleep for once. Whatever the case, I hope I'll be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. We will see what happens.

Babylon 5 Destruction

I always get emotional watching the last episode of Babylon 5. Especially the destruction of the station. There are so many good memories of the series that it's just emotional watching JMS flipping the switch and the station exploding as the last transport leaves. It's like oh the series is really over. The station has served its purpose not needed anymore. Was peace ever really achieved though? It makes me wonder. I've only watched the series once all the way through, I'm on a second rewatch. One of my favorite characters is Mr. Morden. I'm not sure why that's the case, he's creepy as all get out. I just know that he intrigues me for some reason or another. Kosh is also a mystery, but he's meant to be that way. He's an alien that no one seems to understand or grasp. The whole story arc is simply amazing. It was television ahead of its time. I'm glad it was made. Talk about a brilliant television series. It was one of the first serialized shows...

DreamSense

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