It's a disease that so many people carry in the world. There are so many thought processes on it that I can't even count them all. So, I won't try. I have it myself. What's to say that hasn't already been said?
Stay on top of your medication. You never know what will happen when you go off of your medication. Speaking of which I haven't taken my meds today, I need to. That much is certain. But I haven't yet and I just need to be able to keep sane for one more. day.
Ah yes, one more day. It would be nice to be able to stay strong. But that doesn't always happen. No, somedays are better than others. We don't always have the ability to pick and choose our days. I wish it were that simple, but it's not. So, we must be able to try our hardest to just keep sane.
Keeping sane, sounds easy enough, right? Yeah, I wish it did. But it doesn't and there's no reason for it to. People are afraid when you bring up the fact you have schizoaffective disorder. They don't understand it. What people don't understand scares them. That's all there is to it. There's no reason to be scared. It's nothing I can pass onto someone else. I don't have that ability to share it. No, it's isolated to me. I'm not contagious.
The suicidal thoughts come and go from time to time. I doubt there's anything I'm able to ever do about those. It would be nice to be able to get rid of them...but I can't. All I can do is my best to deal with whatever comes along in my life. It would be nice to be able to simply figure everything out all at once. Again, that feels like a pipe dream.
So many things I wish for. So many things I simply wish I could do to escape everything that is out there. But I'm unable to. I'm held hostage at this point by this crippling disease. Yes, it would be nice to be able to figure things out, but I'm unable to for some reason. Why is that? Why can't I simply figure everything out and just move on? I don't know.
Until that time comes, I'll just have to keep trying to move forward and see everything that's out there.
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