Thinking

 There are days that are better than others. I find myself looking forward to the good days ahead and not the bad days behind me. The bad days are a reminder that I survived whatever was put before me. I am able to get through the trying times and live in the present.

I need to shave, but don't feel like it. I mean whose choice is it to shave to begin with? Me. That's who. So, if I decide not to shave, I don't need to shave. Having that one choice to make empowers me. I feel like I have control over something in a world where I don't have any control.

Life feels meaningless at times. There's nothing I'm able to comprehend about it, it just exists, and I don't feel one way or the other about it. It would be nice to be able to say no more, no longer will I be bound by this life's meaningless existence, but I can't. It keeps its hold on me, and I cannot let go.

I've compared life to music before. Like music this life continues to play on, there's nothing stopping it, it just keeps going round and round again. It would be nice for the music to stop once in a while to allow me to catch my breath. But at the moment, it doesn't allow me to do any of that. So, I am stuck.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like without racing thoughts in my mind. Those constant thoughts that I'm not good enough, that I will never amount to anything. Thoughts that cripple me down to the depths of despair. Thoughts that simply don't make any sense to me. I doubt they would make sense to anyone.