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I Don't Feel Like Living

 There I said it. I just don't feel like living anymore. I don't know what caused me to feel this way, but it's how I've felt for a while now. Life feels so rundown and too much to handle at times. Yet I continue onward hoping the thought process will change and I will want to continue in this existence.

I don't have a plan to kill myself mind you. No, that hasn't come to the table yet. Thank goodness. I just don't feel like continuing on with life. Can I have these feelings? Is it okay to have such feelings? I don't know.

Sure, there have been suicidal ideations in the past, but those aren't affecting me at the moment thank goodness. Knock on wood. Those can get scary at times. Scarier than I would ever admit. But they do crop up from time to time.

Now why do I want to die. I feel like I'm a burden on other people. I feel if I weren't around that other people wouldn't have to worry about me and I could just be on my way. They would be able to live out their lives and I would be able to be on the other side of whatever it is you go through when you die.

It seems like a fair enough compromise if you ask me.

But who am I to judge what's to happen to me? I don't know how I will end up going out someday, I hope it's quietly.

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